The Bubblegoose

Attention: New Site

2006-04-02T22:13:00.000-05:00

This blog is no longer updated, but I have a new site. http://www.carlsrecords.blogspot.com

PS - Maari... I am sorry I missed you. I must talk to you soon. I hope I have your email still... miss you so much! : )

Wine 'em, dine 'em, 86 'em...

2005-11-08T16:14:00.000-06:00

Bad slogan for a trucker hat, but a GREAT slogan for my pharmacology test. I got an 86... woo hoo! I know it has been a long time since I updated my site, and it will be a while longer before I do anything too lengthy... so here is a pic to tide you over. Enter the shrine of PSP! Favorite UMDs include XMen Legends 2, Taiko no Tatsujin Portable, Akira, and Spongebob Squarepants Season One Vol. 1. Master Shake says you're a retard.

Horns up.

I'll make mincemeat out of that beat mouse.

2005-10-12T03:59:00.000-05:00

The Revolution has begun! All my digital products are belong to Doom.

MMM Food was good, King Gheedorah was a lot of fun, and Madvillain was incredible... but NOTHING can even come close to touching DangerDoom. If you love underground rap, hip hop in general, The Brak Show, or Aqua Teen Hunger Force you need to hear this CD! www.adultswim.com for 2 free MP3's from the album or go to www.dangerdoom.com for the official scoop on the CD.

C'mon, buy it. You can always buy the new Ashlee Simpson next week.

By the way... the Bubblegoose has broke 10,000 views! We broke 10,000 page views a while back, but the visits is where the sugar is. What that boils down to is that 10,000 times people have come to my site to 1) see if I updated, 2) see if I posted a new picture, 3) see if I am still alive, 4) to meet their 30 second Blogexplosion quota, or 5) to read what I have to say. I think its like 1:200 who read my stuff. That's okay, though, because it is still more than were listening to me in real life... ha ha. Also, 1:200 of my posts are worth reading, so it all has a cosmic harmony to it in the end. Thanks for dropping by Earthlings! We Antheans love when random attention is paid to our opinions and whinings.

[horns up]

Ramblings from the man who fell to Earth

2005-10-07T06:33:00.000-05:00

To the left you will see a picture of my niece... check out how she is nursing that bottle of root beer. I can honestly say, that addiction to root beer was probably my fault. Having root beer and corn dogs are one of our special uncle-niece fun activities. That and arguing. Anyway, I have a feeling by looking at this picture that you'd lose your arm if you tried to get that root beer away from her.

Well, what a long, long week it has been. I was at school at 2:30 AM not once, but twice this week. The other days I was here around 5 AM, so sleep is a luxury item lately. I took a Med Chem test yesterday, hoping for it to be my comeback test... some of it still needs to be hand graded, but at best I have a 77 %. The best bet is that my score will be in the high 60's. Not a great "comeback," but I am not going to flame out over it like I did last week.

The news today had a little thing about President George W. Bush's approval rating dropping to 37%. Wow. He's getting marks worse than me. A comedian on the radio said, "if you get a 37% on a test at school, they put a helmet on you." That is about right. I have a nice Creighton blue one that keeps me safe when I get off the short bus.

Its funny to me how the rap on Republicans is that they are never happy, even when they are in power. I used to think that was just a slander tactic, but you can really see it now. The party has imploded, and they will have to really get it sorted out if they hope to win the next election. If God wants a Republican theocracy so badly, why are they such a mess?

Speaking of God, I had an amusing thought the other day. I was wondering how God looks down on us, and how disappointed he is at times. But then I read an article about EA's game The Sims 2 for the Sony PSP. I love games like that, most of all Animal Crossing. I remembered how fun it is to watch your pretend creations interact and accomplish various tasks. Invariably the characters will take you by surprise, develop a personality, and even defy you. I think God probably sees us a lot like we see The Sims. He probably does get some enjoyment watching me, doing oddball things, finding pleasure in simple things and really working hard to figure the harder things of our universe out. He probably feels bad for me when I struggle so much in school, and gets a little angry when I defy him. But in the end, I think he's had some fun watching me roam about the Midwest, playing the misunderstood philosopher.

EA was on the Bubblegoose radar this month... the other time was concerning the PSP version of Madden. Rich and I were pretty excited for it to come out, because we'd be able to play over the internet against each other. Not to mention that the game was going to be chock full of everything we love about football videogames. One of the things I miss most in life is hanging out with Rich, but the PSP's wireless functions theoretically allow us to play games together. That is yet to happen. The reason is that neither of us bought Madden. There are pages and pages of reports of it not working. even single player will freeze in the franchise mode, causing your PSP to crash. The online feature works for a very low percentage of the users, and the experience is enjoyable for even fewer. It is slow, laggy, tends to drop out of the game or freeze up... and remember, that is for those who manage to connect. EA issued a small "oops" letter to people who bought it, but I think it is way too little to late. Besides, their big "helpful hint" was to not use the roster download feature to help reduce bugs... the roster download feature is one of the many things that make Madden so appealing to buy in the first place! Yikes. Not too good of a showing for EA, who had all the time in the world to work out bugs, and who owns exclusive rights to NFL games...

Speaking of NFL, I had better send Rich my picks this week. See you all again real soon.

Horns up.

So long and thanks for all the fish (A Pharmacological Nightmare)

2005-10-01T21:53:00.000-05:00

Hey there. How are you? Good. Good. Me? Oh, I'm fine. Actually, I'm a little down. Okay, by little down I mean pretty down. Maybe upset is a better word than down. Discouraged? I mean, it has been a while since the "poor poor Carl" plot has been used on the site... so you know, got to keep the cycle alive...

Actually Friday was a miserable day. The preface reads as follows: Carl Smith is already very tired, of questionable temperament, and has a deadly serious desire not to become just another overstimulated, overweight, overindulged, overworked, underpaid, underappreciated, undersexed middle class white male. Just watching TV anymore pisses me off. The world has become an ugly place, and my own country seems to be at the head of that ugliness. The ignorance, the superstition, the crass commercialism, the self-serving posturing of the "news," and the never ending parade of antisense. So as you can tell, I have my share of unstable footing to start with...

So then I studied 10 days straight for a test... and I knew the material pretty well. Well enough to study with my peers and occasionally explain a misunderstanding... able to apply the "why things happen" rather than just regurgitate the "what happens." The class was pharmacology, and it was over every drug in the following classes:

1. antineoplastics (cancer drugs)
2. antivirals (HIV, influenza)
3. antigout
4. NSAIDS

So, as you can imagine, the scope of the material was pretty meaty. I had cut out all of my frivolous time-wasting hobbies (ignoring my poor, poor PSP), watched only one or two hours of TV, and even gave up one of my favorite pastimes... sleep. I was at school by 5 AM, up nights until 11 PM.

I took the test. I felt uneasy about it, but confident in my answers. I slowed down, and looked over the whole test a second time... something I rarely do. The test was 33 questions, and all multiple choice. So each question was worth quite a lot. I managed to get my answers sorted out, and then I pressed "submit." My score was a 45%. That is probably THE WORST grade I have ever received... and the consensus in the hallway afterwards was that it was also the worst in the class. Then I had to hang around for a mandatory meeting about the school's new stricter educational requirements. Yay.

I don't really know what to do. I did everything right. I have cut back on my working hours, Sandy has been helping me a lot around the house, and I have been better about staying up with the studies. And I get a 45%. And I felt like I knew it. And my friends all got scores between the 60's and 90's.

So... he is Carl, desperate to make up some lost confidence. I have studied all day today. I got up at 9 AM, and if you ignore a few short distractions, studied clear up until 9 PM. 12 hours. So we'll see how my 2 tests go THIS week...

I am also now in the awkward position to seek help. Not tutoring... but study help. I need to convince the educational guru at school to evaluate my testing style and maybe make paper copies of the tests available to me. We'll see where that goes. I don;t even know where to start. I am too impatient and prideful to sit through "coping with your testing anxiety" classes, full of breathing exercises and study tips. Yet I probably need it. The time issue will get sticky too, as I have stretched everything as thin as it will go. I have sorely neglected my personal fun time lately, and likewise cut back on time for Sandy. The next few weeks will be a bumpy ride, I just hope I can build up some ego before fall break...

So to help juggle mental health with educational proficiency, I am slowly reading a novel I have picked up. It is "The Man Who Fell to Earth" by Walter Tevis. It is about, among many things, a burnt-out Iowa University organic chemistry professor, and an "alien" (metaphorical or not, you be the judge) who slowly assimilates and is crushed under modern materialistic society. Here is a quote I lifted that feels a lot like I have in the last 24 hours...

"And, suddenly, looking again at his room... he felt disgusted, weary of this cheap and alien place, this loud, throaty, rootless, and sensual culture, this aggregate of clever, itchy, self-absorbed apes - vulgar, uncaring, while their culture was, like London Bridge and all bridges, falling down, falling down."

So see ya, TTFN, さようなら, adios... hopefully the blog and myself will be back to full strength in the near future. Hopefully by Tuesday or Thursday, as I have tests both days... and since there are tests, that means there are chances for me to prove I am not a flippin' retard that shouldn't be in a doctorate program.

And thanks to my friends who sort of kept me up. Some specific thanks to Katie for the hug (sort of stupid how something so silly works better than alcohol... I mean drugs... I mean...) To Kaylee for being a total silly goose in the 4 minutes I got to talk to her. To my penpals and classmates that showed empathy and then did a good job pretending nothing had happened. And for the sushi, Minh. That really hit the spot, and was a highlight in this otherwise cruddy weekend.

Horns up.

Worldwide from the river to Lakeside...

2005-09-27T06:31:00.000-05:00

Carl is short on time and sleep so guess what that means loyal readers… sampler platter time!!!

1. The Caves of Hell

I have been watching through the entire run of Mystery Science Theater. I am on show number 109 (that is, the 9th show of the first official season). I have seen many of the episodes from all seasons before, but watching them in order is a lot of fun. You see the evolution of the timing, inside jokes, and the writing. Even the format of the show and personalities of the characters change over time. Yes, I put a lot of thought into this show, even though it is invisible to all but the most ravenous of us anti-nerds.

You know what an anti-nerd is, right? Aware of nerd culture and nerd mythology, but not part of it… yet our behaviors and obsessions (no matter how intelligent and edgy) can likewise be seen as nerdy by popular, mainstream culture? Basically we are self-loathing nerds, okay? We know enough about Xena to mock her fans, but know too much about her for the common man to call us brother/sister. This is the burden of the MSTie.

But I have a devil’s advocate question for you… in MST3K’s relentless parade of bad 1950’s B-movies, there seem to be a lot of common themes. One such theme is the “cave.” Caves are spooky, full of danger. Monsters freely inhabit caves, revelations that threaten man are hidden in caves, and evil geniuses use caves to plot against goodness in secret… you see the pattern? Caves seem to be on the list of primal fears somewhere below snakes, but above STDs (no one seems too scared of these anymore, do they?).

Here is my question; why are we afraid of caves? Why are they so easily used to conjure fear and foreboding? Why aren’t the heroes tucked away in caves and the monsters confined to wrought iron towers? The only hero that ever truly utilized a cave was Batman, and he is in all actuality an anti-hero… whoops, slipped into my anti-nerd costume there. I think I have an answer, let me just toss this out for you. No, I am not going to suggest that our fear of caves has some Freudian mother-loving vaginal symbolism… I’m going to suggest something more provocative than that.

Maybe we fear that when we look in a cave, it won’t be empty, but instead inhabited by the bones of a long dead Nazarene. Or not. Maybe it is just the prospect of spiderwebs in your face or bats in your hair. Or that Freud vagina thing. Your choice.

2. Spelling “team “ T-I-E-M

Man, I finally get to watch a football game (took until week 3 for THAT to happen). I was in luck, because it also happened to be my beloved Broncos… who, until tonight, I was really worried about. Did they look good or what? Well, other than their secondary. A little soft, if you ask me. A W is a W, right? We needed this to reset the division to square one.

You know how they always say “there’s no ‘I’ in team?” Well, I’ve never liked that oversimplified garbage. Look at the tape of last nights Denver-Kansas City Monday Night Football game. Just before the 4th quarter’s 2 minute warning, Kansas City scored a touchdown. It was a lazy, poor-placed pass to the left… the receiver had to leap at an awkward angle to catch it. The Bronco assigned to this receiver made a half-attempt to knock the receiver off-balance, and also made a lethargic attempt at a strip. Then he gave up. Stopped. Planted both feet, dropped his shoulders, and looked away. And the receiver ran. By the time it registered that the ball was caught, it was too late… it was a KC touchdown. Sometimes there is an “I” in team. One man can ruin it for dozens of others, and hundreds of fans. Never forget that.

There needs to be a universal understanding that folk sayings and proverbs are not ‘truth’ because they sound good or fit some metaphysical ideal. There should always be room for personal accountability, blame, and punishment. I think if you look at the shortcomings of education, professional ethics, and our legal system, you will see roots deeply planted into this culture of clever quips, unscientific wisdom, and hollow philosophy.

3. The Race Was On

One last thing. I just thought this was funny. This weekend in Illinois, a marathon was run. The course traveled through the city, which most do… only there was a lack of coordination somewhere, as 2 freight trains crossed the tracks mid-event. This means all those over achievers that use such competitions to give their pitiful lives meaning had to stop running and stand idly by. This was hilarious to a fat, slow, non-competitive man like myself. Nothing beats seeing yuppies in short-shorts and headbands standing with their hands on their hips, almost crying at the sign of a train. Some, in defiance of the unwelcome cessation of kinesis, ran in small circles (or in place). Sad. The train stopped you from running an unnatural distance in an unnaturally short amount of time. This is what the rest of us call “divine intervention.”

But then again, the “rest of us” sat on our butts, alone, eating Ruffles, watching reruns of a 1990’s show where a dorky comedian and his puppets pretend to be trapped in outer space, mocking movies we wouldn’t normally dare sit and watch on our own (that would be a waste of time wouldn’t it?). Did I mention that I am 230 pounds?! I may not be the best source for common sense related to physical activity…

Horns up.

Your grind and my grind ain't the same, dog.

2005-09-23T11:06:00.000-05:00

Hey. Where have you been? It has been a month since you last read my blog. What's that? I haven't posted for a month? Hogwash. I write a new blog every day... in my head. Yeah, it's true that I have neglected my site. School is a little more intense this year than last. Which makes me sweat next year... ugh.

Anyway, since I last spoke with you all, a lot has happened. I got a new car (2004 Nissan Sentra), my niece learned to tie by herself (it was a big deal), I have become hopelessly addicted to Taiko no Tatsujin on PS2 and PSP, and a US city has been obiliterated by a hurricaine (and there may be more mayhem yet in store thanks to Rita).

Under the Patriot Act (which was relayed to GW Bush in the Appalachians in the form of stone tablets), the attack on New Orleans pretty much makes God a terrorist. So if you are in church some Sunday and hear jets... I'd climb under a pew fast! Actually, under W, we wouldn;t go after God... we'd use it as an excuse to invade Valhalla.

I have no idea how to sort out my endless supply of quips, opinions, and needless net pollution and manage to keep this short. And I so wanted to catch up with you all on what was new in my life. So I asked ("axed") my friend GeeZee da King of Monsta's to write a rap about my life in the last month... GeeZee is part of the Blue Asia/Soong Yi Dien Clique you may be familiar with if you are a long time Bubblegoose follower. Anyway, on with the show. Dog.

Straight outta CB with pestle in hand

Mao rock the blog like a one man band

Alpha one, Beta two,

what you bitches gonna do?

Mao the mad kaiju straight from Japan.

Learnin' mad science,

back in the lab

Misses all the free time he had

Straight C student

drinks with prudence

Hides his sake in a RC can

My man know drug action by just seein' the shape

mix two drugs to make a turtle an ape

breakin' God's commandments with science and such

20 year old coeds tell him look but not touch

Trippin on pop tarts, candy corn and diet coke

never takes it serious, to him life is just a joke

tries to study so he don't get behind

k-k-kick, punch its all in the mind

Spends every evening sittin on his ass

knows he'll fail if he keeps skippin' class

Umeshu in a glass, get him drunk fast

DeSimone teachin' him about 'shrooms and grass

Almost missin' quizes cause he's PC retarded

Never holla bitches cause he's Sandy retarded

Always rocks Target, not wal-mart'ed

Go to the Jay, you know he ain't carded

GeeZee, da king of da monsta's

Rock the mic the brew and the pastas

that's right, da king of the monsta's

Mao make the cash and drink up all the Fosters

Stumble around with a 2 ton backpack

Creighton girls and aqua teens always get him off track

but he puts in work like he was an oompa loompa

supa dupa

R X troopa

Conjugate the acid and beat the King Koopa

time wastin'

rice tastin'

mind on the music like he was Casey Casem

Drop dead P2's, but Mao don't chase 'em

Only 4 years boy, yo don't waste 'em

Rrrrrrrrrrr-rah!

That's right y'all

GeeZee King of da motha @#$%* Monsta's

Can't @#$% with that

Blue Asia Clique

Soong Yi Dien, stay loose sucka's

Stay off Monster Island if you know whats good for ya

Na' wha' I mean?

GeeZee, Guiron, Rodan, Mothra, Jet Jaguar...

we'll zap that ass like we was ray guns.

Out.

Had enough? Between Urban Lenny and GeeZee, I forsee my readership shrinking in the near future... more "normal" Bubblegoose stuff next time.

Horns up!

Puzzled by the mountains, Tricked by the sea...

2005-08-22T07:02:00.000-05:00

Man, I have no idea what got into the water around here... but there are a lot of people saying a lot of ridiculous things. This is more than just "eating crow," which I have to do a lot of. This is unadulterated ignorance.

There is something beautiful about the moment that someone says something so profoundly stupid that you turn to whoever else heard it and share that look; the look that says "Did I just hear what I thought I heard?" This sort of thing is even better when the person who said it wholeheartedly believes it. Yes, unfettered disregard for basic human intelligence can be a beautiful thing.

Let me warm up with an example from Hollywood. Remember the movie "A Christmas Story?" You know, Red Ryder BB Gun and all that? Well, one of the child actors in the movie (I won't say who because I do not 100% remember) was on a VH-1 special the other day about child stars gone bad. It seems that this particular actor turned to porn in his 20's. He was greasy, overweight, and... well, less than grounded in reality. Other than doing porn, he said this awesome quote to give us proof, "I did what no other actor has ever done before... I was a mainstream actor that crossed over to adult movies..."

What? Okay, child actor X is a star for a brief moment at 10... cut to that same lard-o at 25, and he is no longer "mainstream." You gotta work to be mainstream. And being an extra "elf" in the movie Elf does not count as "mainstream actor" work.

So do you get the sort of ignorance I am talking about? That one was a little lighthearted... well here in Omaha we have decided to challenge for the world title in brain failure. Two things were said in the local news lately that just floor me. What is more boggling to me is why the news printed/played these quotes and didn't take the sources to task.

The first revolves around the plans for Omaha to annex a near-by suburb. The people of Elkhorn are desperately fighting the annexation. They have launched a campaign against the inevitable by yelling and waving signs... its been a lot of fun. They even tried to do a little forced annexation themselves to bring their population above mark where Omaha cannot force annexation. That failed (because it was ill conceived to start with), and the courts are siding with Omaha. Here's the punchline... of all of the angry hillbillies that they have paraded about during this argument, one old lady stood out especially ignorant.... she said that the annexation of Elkhorn by Omaha was like "Hitler invading Poland."

What? So Omaha expanding it's tax base and watering down/improving (debatable still) your municipal services is like a madman marching infantry and driving tanks into a neighboring country, only to murder thousands and send thousands more off to concentrations camps. These concentration camps, by the way, rank in the top 3 atrocities ever performed on this Earth. So annexing Omaha is like that, huh?

The other fantastic quote was just this weekend. As you know, this Cindy Sheehan has received a ton of press world wide. Her vigil in the President's property is seen as foolish, heroic, and Moby Dick-esque. Politics of her point aside, there is almost always room for extremists to come out in flocks and say stupid things. Here in Omaha they had a vigil of solidarity. The people who turned out looked like the typical Omaha vigil crew... ex-hippies, wanna-be hippies, and college kids. If there was a vigil for marijuana legalization, it would be the same crew.

Anyway, one lady was interviewed that took the cake. She was a bit bedraggled, and had something going on with her eyes (they sort of darted about excitedly). She spoke with an uncalled for urgency as she proclaimed to the microphone, "What (Cindy Sheehan) is doing is important. She is like Rosa Parks. She is going to start a movement in this country the likes of which we have never seen."

If ever you needed proof that white, middle-America has failed to understand the plight of African-Americans, here it is. Sheehan is like Rosa Parks? Have they made her and people like her a second class citizen? Is she being denied basic human rights? Is she hated because she was born with a particular skin color? Is she being denied a fair chance at success in life? Is she made to feel like she belongs to a different species? Do people look at her and immediately think 'crime,' 'drugs,' 'sexual promiscuity'? I could go on, but I will stop.

No wonder surveys show that so many Americans believe in ghost, UFOs, and other supernatural nonsense. Not to mention the popularity of Nascar, poker, and competitive eating.

Horns up.

Squaking like a big monkey-bird...

2005-08-19T07:32:00.000-05:00

こんにちは。お元気ですか。

How about a blog entry about what is really going on in my life for once? : )

School has started once again for me! Yay! My second year of pharmacy school, and the classes are going to be great. I was so looking forward to pharmacology... only one of my teachers looks to be nutty, and he is a guy that has a long tradition of making students say "what the...?!" (Parenterals class for those of you classmates that peek at my blog).

My summer went by both long and fast. It seemed to rocket through July and August. I worked a ton in June and August, yet July was the month that went by fastest, although I had the most free time. As some of you may know, other than working, I spent my time this summer attending to my wife's grandmother. She became very sick this summer and was in the hospital. One night we almost lost her, and to be honest, had Sandy and I not been in the room, we would have lost her. But she is pulling it together and is recovering in the nursing home. We are all hoping she will get to go home in the future.

My life right now is pretty stable. Great, now I have tempted God... But seriously, things are pretty good! Sounds weird coming out of my mouth, doesn't it? Rich and Layla had their baby, and he is healthy. Sandy is over her sickness. Grandma is getting better. School has started. My work schedule is slowly decreasing to where I want it. I cleared some massive weights off of my mind and heart this summer with a couple people. My brother's nursing class starts next week, and we got his computer running. My Japanese studies are coming along. My pen pals are healthy, happy, and write often. Oh, and I found a used copy of "Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars" concert CD for only $13!!! Things are really pretty good!

Check with me in 2 months though...

Horns up!

"Ask your sister if I can borrow her boom box."

2005-08-12T08:58:00.000-05:00

For long time Bubblegoose (i.e. pre-blog) fans, Urban Lenny is no stranger. In many ways, his involvement with the BGN (Bubblegoose News, an email distributed newsletter/magazine) was integral to me being able to blog today. His inspiration for mixing editorial with introspection, and flavoring it all with humor is greatly appreciated. I don’t get to sit down and chat with Urban Lenny enough, and in a lot of ways my life is at its most “right” when I am in better communication with him.

Earlier this summer, Urban Lenny and I sat down for a long day together, and agreed to allow himself to be drilled with interview questions for use on this blog. So, over the next few months I am going to publish a few excerpts from that interview, I hope you all get a kick out of something in it each time.

Mao: Let’s just jump right in, I was surprised hear you like hip hop. Care to comment?

Urban Lenny: It shouldn’t surprise you… I mean, I realize that I am usually seen as a bit of a rocker but… man, I love music. There is this huge out-lash in certain circles against rap. It is founded in racism, I am sure of it. America is hiding this latent racism that is pretty scary. The back lash is also due to the way certain rappers are packaged as thugs. But hip hop is at once the new punk and the new Motown. There is something infectious in the beat that speaks to the soul, and yet there is so much true creativity in the lyrics… the rhymes…

M: So is it a legitimate art form?

UL: Definitely. And just to finish a random thought I had, hip hop isn’t necessarily a “black” thing. A lot of great hip hop elements have been co-opted into white musicians’ music. It’s more than music too, it’s a style. An attitude, fashion sense, and so on. I have some Japanese hip hop that is surprisingly good. It isn’t about shooting and bitches either. The core of hip hop is soul after all, and let’s face it… there aren’t a lot of soulful whites…

M: (laughs) What’s that?

UL: You know… a lot of white folks don’t have any soul. Fakin’ the funk, you know? Bustin’ out the rhyming dictionaries, working two months on the lyrics of a three minute rap. The real cats are like Shakespeare, inventing phraseology. The pretenders are all about rhyming every word, regardless how weak the lyric is. “word to your moms, I came to drop bombs, I got more rhymes than the Bible’s got psalms,” how whack is that?

M: (laughs) I had better steer this back to music before things get controversial. So what do you like… who do you like… in hip hop?

UL: Well, I like two sides of it. I like the creativity put into the beats. A lot of that was stolen by the techno culture. Especially the drum and bass community. Roni Size, Bjork, and Portishead all used it well. Anyway, I love dudes like Kool Keith, Danger Mouse, and DJ Shadow that can weave a killer, off kilter beat. But I also love a guy that can really “spit hot fire” like Dylan on Chapelle Show would say. It’s what rappin’ is all about, even back to the dance hall reggae days. The selector puts on a groove and the MC just rat-a-tat-tats over it. Greatest rap song ever; “Paid in Full.” The best at this sort of hip hop are, in my opinion, surprisingly unpopular. Everyone remembers Eminem, MC Hammer, and so on. The ones that are better at marketing than rhyming and producing. To me, Nelly is the new version of “Wacky D and Sunshine” (from CB4). The real warriors are De La Soul, Mos Def, Nas, the Roots, Q Tip, Wyclef, MF Doom, and so on.

M: De La!

UL: I knew you’d dig that. They sort of mix both sides of hip hop that I like. I sort of came into rap during the party rap phase. It really was about the rhymes then. Lame rhymes, like “Nightmare on my Street.” Then came NWA and Public enemy… wow. Run DMC was awesome, but they were creating a format on the fly. Not all of their stuff is gold. NWA and PE took the ball and ran with it in a great new direction. Now we’ve come too far and we have G Unit. Anyway, I like music. I will listen to anything, literally, until I decide I don’t like it. It just so happens that I dislike almost all country that I hear. It truly is soulless white people trying to play pop blues. It sucks. I mean, Big and Rich?! Come on.

M: I saw bits of the CMA Festival on CBS. They showed Big and Rich playing acoustic at a Children’s Hospital. They were singing “Save a horse, ride a cowboy” and having the kids sing the “cowboy” part. That seemed so wrong…

UL: (laughs) That is insane? I mean, that whole song is sexual innuendo isn’t it? Maybe we can hear 2 Live Crew on Radio Disney. Wow. I guess that Sir Mix A Lot is doing all sorts of versions of “Baby’s Got Back” on TV commercials and kids shows. Nothing like two hillbillies teaching 8 year olds about the birds and bees. But not to just bash on country, let’s try to be equal opportunity. I hate modern rock too. You can dress pop music up all you want, but when you try to make it something it isn’t, it will suck every time. I love a good pop song. It wouldn’t sell so many records if it wasn’t full of hooks. But don’t tell me that Jason Mraz is some sort of urban Lennon or (Bob) Dylan. Give me Gwen (Stefani) or Kelly (Clarkson) over Avril (Lavinge) and Allison (Morrisette) any day.

M: So Urban Lenny likes Kelly Clarkson too?

UL: Well, she is cute, and sings a good song. I should say, she has clever writers handing her good pop songs. If I am going to hear pop, I want to hear it from someone who has no delusions of being anything more than temporal. Jewel sucks, Smashmouth sucks.

M: I am more surprised to hear you go on so positively about pop music than I was to hear you were into hip hop…

UL: Oh, I am a musical softie from way back. (laughs) I mean, I am a sucker for it. I love George Michael, for instance. Having old INXS and Genesis alongside my indie stuff seems pretty lame, but I love a good song. Even the Cure is soft, man, but I dig it. Its like, “hey, ask your sister if I can borrow her boombox.”

M: Do you think the music industry is in trouble?

UL: Sort of… no… well, what a hard question. I think people will always steal music if they can. I dream of the day that there is an iPod for movies, but no one will rush to make a small, compact format for movie data storage now that we have seen what peer-to-peer has done to music. But the industry was dying on its own, there is so little good music being supported. There is so much crap. And when the major labels get into bed with Target and Wal-Mart to push crap on us for $15 to $20 a shot, eventually there will be a lull. Like Hollywood is having. There is so much cookie cutter rap, metal, and “alternative” (motions quotation marks with his hands). But the independent circuit is doing fine. In movies and music. I don’t mean fake independent like Good Charlotte, Killers, and Green Day. I mean true, off label gems. As much as I hate to say it, look at Bright Eyes and the success Connor (Oberst) has found). I prefer Polyphonic Spree and New Pornographers to anything else on the market today, to be honest. And what was that lame fad of rap-rock-emo-goth? “Bring me back to life?” “I’m broken” Staind. Lincoln Park. Limp Bizkits (sic?). Horrible moments on rock history. As horrible as Creed and Puddle of Mudd. I fear the VH-1 “I love the 00’s” specials. Just like I am ashamed I ever got mixed up in that grunge scene…

M: Let’s save that for another time. So to wrap up this long and boring rant on music, give us five recommendations for current music.

UL: Hmm. You got me into this one… Skindred. If you like metal, get Skindred. It is a little weak, a little pop, but the mix of reggae and metal would have to be. Reggae is pop, it always caters to the crowd. It’s about having a party, man. And beside, reggae is the foundation for all good music… punk, hip hop… So Skindred rocks. Mclusky broke up, but they are… were… the new Pixies. They sort of have a great noise sound that is wholly their own. New Pornographers are the perfect band, so you can’t go wrong there. Garage pop, you know? I would love to say Queens of the Stone Age, your guys, but the new album was trash.

M: I agree, it sucked.

UL: Flaming Lips have a new one coming out. They are always good. The Lips and Beck both impress every time. Did I give you five yet? Gorillaz is very good, System of a Down is… interesting. Its easier to tell you what I hate. Stay away from Jack Johnson, Foo Fighters, Nine Inch Nails, Jason Mraz, Green Day, and John Mayer. If you want to throw away $20 on something self important and awfully uncreative, go see an Oliver Stone film twice.

M: Favorite song in the last few years?

UL: Easy. Tribute by Tenacious D.

Horns up!

Fighting so grim, so true, so real...

2005-08-08T22:13:00.000-05:00

I hate to start out what will be a post about a heavy topic with this new, but the news is so good I need to share it. My friend Rich and his wife Layla have delivered their first child! It is a baby boy, 19 inches long, and 5 pounds 13 ounces. His name is Andrew Ronald Wood. I am so happy for them!!! Mother and baby are doing fine (or so I hear), and I can't wait to see pictures!

Now on to the show.

This weekend was the seventh anniversary for my wife and me. It was (unfortunately) also the grim anniversary of the tragedy in Hiroshima. The event was so horrible, so stark, that the name Hiroshima seems to only conjure up one image... destruction.

60 years ago, the United States made the hard decision to use atomic weapons. They dropped the first atomic bomb ever used in warfare on a city in Japan named Hiroshima. August 6, 1945 was the day. And the effect it has had on the world is still felt today.

In the USA, whenever the bomb is discussed, it is most often followed with the phrase "... which ended World War 2." The justification was that if we could show our superiority through such a powerful weapon, that the Japanese would be forced to surrender. Two bombs later (a second was dropped on Nagasaki), and the US got its wish. To this day, there is a monster lurking in the soul of every American, as we realize how horrible the act was, and those of us who are patriots still feel the need to justify and qualify all statements regarding our assault on Japan.

I myself find it chilling to think about, and I am very ashamed of my country. I have no idea what alternative we had, but the murder of so many innocent people seems so vulgar. The decision to use the bomb, and the deployment of it on such a metropolitan area does nothing but hold a mirror to what is wrong with militarism. Over 100,000 people died, for no other reason than for inhabiting the land in which they were born. A soldier dies in war, and it is tragic... but to me that seems logical. Grandmothers, children, and fisherman dying in war does not seem logical. The dropping of the bomb seemed like something out of the book of Caesar or Atilla... make examples, hang 'em high, nail them to a cross for all to see... Show them our might makes right, and they may as well succumb to it.

In a testament to humanism of the highest order, Hiroshima today is a thriving city, completely rebuilt and strong in its convictions. It is a city full of people proud to be from Japan. Hiroshima is also the home of many pacifists and forward thinkers. And during the solemn services of remembrance, there was a quiet dignity and pride in the current inhabitants of Japan who stood and said "this is our home, we cannot be be driven from it, even in the face of ultimate horror."

I am glad that there is little ill will between Japan and the US. I am happy that I am able to learn their culture and language. I am glad that I can sit here and type while I drink my umeshu (which I am doing). I am glad I have made friends who brighten my life. And I am glad that I can dream of visiting Japan someday.

And when I do, perhaps I will travel to Hiroshima, and visit the park that stands in honor of the tragedy of August 6th, 1945. I will see the horrible artifacts that remain; I will see the mangled children's tricycle, and the watch that eternally stopped at 8:15 AM. I will see these things, and I will probably cry.

I hope that the USA starts to move away from the muscle approach, and heads in a more humanistic direction. I hope that in the future, we do not see mass slaughter as the only end to conflict. Our current war exposes our own darkness; we hate the terrorists who attack innocent people due to an ideology, only to have come to where are by the same means. The end of God's labors is not to see America proud and strong. America is not the goal of God or evolution. America is just another civilization that hopes it will be the first to last forever.

I hope America changes. I hope that wars become fewer, and I hope that my children can live in a world where Americans are not seen as monsters, and instead appreciated for the diverse and interesting culture we are. I hope that my friendships with Japanese people are not threatened by the image my country gives its citizens. And most of all I hope that we (as a planet) never use nuclear weapons again.

Horns up.

All your bridesmaids are belong to us.

2005-08-07T09:18:00.000-05:00

Topic housekeeping day. Yay!

Well, the great news is that they rescued all seven of the Russian submariners. Can you imagine how horrifying that experience would be? It was cool to see the world unite to help them, and it was a Brittish remote sub that ultimately freed the crew. It would be nice to see the world working together more often than when there is a dire need...

Speaking of multinational coalitions... the space shuttle is coming home. Let's hope they find safety too. On the shuttle is a Japanese astronaut named Soichi Noguchi, who is something of a hero in his native Japan. It was pretty cool the other day when children from Japan transmitted a song to them. They sang "Let's go for a walk!" from the awesome Hayao Miyazaki anime movie My Neighbor Totoro. It was chosen, not only because it is a children's song and a popular character in Japan, but because it was on the day of the space walk (to do repairs). I thought that was very cool.

I went to a wedding yesterday. I have been in, been to, and performed a few weddings in my short life and I can honestly say I do not enjoy them. I don't get a thing out of them. Only a few that I have been to seemed like actual celebrations (my friends Matt and Kristina, Rich and Layla, and Adriane and Jasosn for instance). Yesterday's was nice, and the couple seemed to belong together. The bride was the daughter of my wife's friend from work, which means I sat around not knowing anyone and wondering when we were going to go home. Five hours later I was burnt out and bored.

A few things I observed;

1) When it is time for the toast, the best man always decides its Amatuer Comedy Night. And everyone eggs him on. How many times can you say "I just want to say" before you've wore out your welcome? Brutal.

2) Bridesmaids that wear strapless gowns should be smart enough to tan accordingly. Wow. Bikini top tan lines are a nice addition to any strapless ensemble.

3) If you are the bride's family, and you are paying $12 a plate for a dinner, make sure that it isn't ham sandwiches and plain label potato chips. At least the potato salad was good. I think the mother of the bride was taken, and I feel bad for her.

4) For the love of god, someone has to tell the bride's single friends to stop trying to steal the show.

Okay, well, that was a lame entry. See you all later.

Horns up.

Quick note...

2005-08-05T15:45:00.000-05:00

Yesterday's post is getting a lot of email, and strangely enough, hardly any comments. I realize it was long, but you have to understand... that is how my mind works. At this rate, the last entry will make my top 5 "greatest hits" that I will be re-publishing at the end of Aug/early Sept. So if you haven't had a chance to read it, please do! And comment!

And because I haven't done it in a while... THE LAST 10 SONGS I HAVE HEARD ON THE CREATIVE NOMAD:

1. If it takes all night - Frank Black
2. L.M.L.Y.P. - Ween
3. Living for the City - Stevie Wonder
4. Baby Phat - De La Soul
5. Swamp - Talking Heads
6. When Problems Arise - Fishbone
7. Buena - Morphine
8. No Exhcange - Minutemen
9. Half Day Closing - Portishead
10. No New Wave No Fun - Mclusky

Read the post directly below this and COMMENT!!!

Horns up.

"I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause that is where you are gonna be living!"

2005-08-04T11:05:00.000-05:00

In my 30 years on this Earth, I have been an armchair writer of varying abilities for about 25 years, and a self styled humorist (debatable) for maybe 20. I have only been a Christian (of varying loyalties) for 14. I have only understood what being a Christian means 10 years. I have been a husband for 7 years (as of this Sunday). I have been in ‘real’ love (in varying degrees) with my wife for 4. Coincidentally, I have also only felt truly comfortable in my beliefs and in my ability to explain and defend them for those same 4 years.

And in these 4 years, I have ever so slightly moved further and further away from Conservative Independent Protestant American Christianity. (Should I put the word “White” in there too? Anyway…) And in the last 2 years I have started to realize that I am really ‘sure’ about less and less, and this is inversely proportionate to my soul’s/mind’s/heart’s contentment.

And in the last year, I think I finally figured out why Jesus and I butt heads so often.

Is it His “hard” sayings? Is Christianity too demanding? Is it that theology is so hard to sort out? Is it because Christianity is so contradictory? Is it because I am afraid to be happy? That I am so anti-establishment that I can’t cop to authority? Did public schools let me down? Is it rock and roll? Maybe I am just not predestined to be among “that number?”

Nope.

Jesus’ big brag was that if He was standing amongst the rubble of a former temple, He’d build it up again in 3 days. Me, on the other hand, I am great at tearing things down. Give me a temple and I’ll tear that sucker down in 3 days. I could probably do it in less, but I am pretty lazy.

I look around Council Bluffs and I see that at least I am not alone in this. But let’s talk about me… after all; it’s the most popular subject on this site.

Now watch me work. I can take a decent income and find a way to come up short when I need funds. Who needs to have money for a car repair, oil change, new pair of slacks for work, or a respectable pair of shoes when I could have piles and piles of, well, crap. Speaking of oil changes, I can take a somewhat adequate vehicle and turn it into a rolling trash-bin/death trap. Trust me. That 93 Saturn wasn’t built to last in the first place. Wait ‘til it gets a load of me.

My best trick is to undermine the miracle of Creation / miracle of evolution. (cross out which ever you are too narrow-minded to accept). I can take a naturally healthy body and turn it into a total couch potato. That same body is further torn down by the greasy, salty, and otherwise deadly food that I eat in tremendous proportions. I have choked the Holy of Holies with chicken fries and burrito supremes.

We could draw further evidence for my theory by looking at my slash and burn approach to relationships. I at once yearn for friends and do my best to be unfriendly. I fail to stay in contact, make myself unavailable, and find a way to find the things I hate about a person long before I realize what it is I like about them. I spend a lot of energy on people who fail to reciprocate, and am Scrooge with those who probably deserve attention the most.

Yes sir, I likes to tear me down some temples (grammar incorrect on purpose). But then again, isn’t that what humans do best? What would Jesus do with all of His free time if He wasn’t flying from disaster to disaster rebuilding the shambles of man’s handiwork? I guess I should sleep well at night knowing I am doing my part to keep Jesus needed. Keeping Him off the streets by keeping Him busy, isn’t that how the logic goes? The last thing we want is Jesus sitting on a curb in front of a 7-11, walking around neighborhoods late at night (perhaps pushing Moses into a bush for kicks), driving around with water guns conducting squirt-and-runs, or bumming around the mall. So when you hit your knees tonight, thank God for me: because thanks to me, grace abounds.

What’s so great about temples anyway? I wonder if Jesus is any good at building other things? They tell us He was a carpenter after all. Maybe we could get Him to let a few temples fall from time to time, and instead get to work building something useful like peace. Maybe he could build some bridges (I could use a few). At least He could try to build a house or two, for folks who haven’t a place to live. Or could it be that Jesus is no Ty Pennington? Or do you like “barely a Jimmy Carter” better? Choose your own joke here.

No, we’re talking about Jesus here. The Son of God. Son of Mary, at least. Of course He’s going to be interested in temples first. That’s His bread and butter. That’s where we talk about Him, read His biography, partake in His supper, and take up His offerings. I mean, Barry Bonds isn’t going to testify to congress for stronger steroid penalties (dude, that guy dopes and juices so much his epiglottis has biceps) and lower salaries in sports.

The IRS loves April, fast food chains love the working class, casinos love the elderly, and Jesus loves temples. But then again, I don’t see a lot of good happening within the walls of a temple these days. Most of the temples I see have installed battlements, and have started firing on one another. Now that I think about it, Jesus may just be sub-contracting for Halliburton.

Of course, this is all handy rhetoric for someone who doesn’t want to try to build a temple… let along attempt to slow the tearing down of one. I could turn off the TV, I could exercise more often, I could try to be nicer to people, and I could try eating a salad and fruit now and then. But all of that takes energy, which is so counter to the laws of thermodynamics. Man, just trying to justify my attitude tears down the temple of logic… I guess my theory is holding water pretty well.

So what do I do now that I realize where Jesus and I stand? I mean, the pressure is on me to change right? What will I do now that I know we aren’t exactly dovetailing? I guess we’ll see. A 227 pound, 30 year old man who can barely run a mile without stopping to walk, and who heads immediately to the nearest pop and food stop, only to go home to spend the day watching DVDs and play video games might not be the best person to ask to predict the future.

Of course I will play Bubblegoose meteorologist for a second;

Tomorrow will be partly cloudy with an 80% chance of temple smashing. But hold out for the slight chance of some building. Depends on that high pressure system…

Horn’s up.

PS - Relax, oh Christian friend. Save your hate mail and your disappointment in my character. This is humor, remember. And what do you expect from someone who only blogged seven times or so this summer? Got to work out the rust and cobwebs.

She ruled the toads of the short forest, and every newt in Idaho.

2005-07-16T12:44:00.000-05:00

FZ's classic instrumental album that eerily foretold the climax to The Ring.

My friend Paul recently put up a meme/obligatory roll call on his blog about his summer reading. I thought this would be a good chance to talk about my summer listening.

My summer listening almost came to a tragic end yesterday. I lost my 40 MB MP3 player (my beloved Nomad... which actually is more of a WMA player, but you get the point). But my hero Megan found it, and called my house. So in 3 hours I will go to reclaim my baby.

I have had a weird summer because a lot of bands I like released albums. This is a rare event for me because bands I like are dead and gone for the most part.

Beck's new album was very good, and if you buy the "Hell Yes" EP, you get some truly great alternate versions that stand well as entirely new songs (they are all orchestrated with Atari noises). System of a Down released an incredible metal album which simply owns. Nine Inch Nails, who I am not a fan of, released a mediocre album. So did Queens of the Stone Age, which hurts my feelings. The Gorillaz released a hit and miss album that seems like a dash for cash. At least Mindless Self Indulgence released a killer CD. Too short, but killer. Best of all, The White Stripes put out a CD that may seem less rockin' on the surface, but is just as great as ever, and a little more mature. I can't listen to "Blue Orchid" without playing air guitar.

So what am I listening to? A lot of Frank Black, for one. Some stuff never gets old in the summer (like The Doors, Lou Reed, Minutemen, Nation of Ulysses, and Steely Dan). In all honesty, I have been heavily rotating The Seatbelts' box set (Yoko Kanno is so awesome), Shudder to Think's "Pony Express Record", and the Akira soundtrack.

I still listen to last years stuff a lot too. I didn't have the time to properly dissect each one during the school year. I also still love the newest Radiohead, which sort of "got it right" when it comes to mixing rock with the Kid A noise. New hip hop CDs last year from De La Soul and MF Doom both make me very happy, as they are stealing hip hop back from crunk. Ween's "Live in Chicago" launched my lazy fandom into idol warship. Prince's "comeback" CD "Musicology" was very good, although I have yet to buy it. And, the almighty Steely Dan released another new CD, which I still haven't bought. I purposely have avoided both Morrissey's and Duran Duran's new releases. I just don't feel like being disappointed.

There has been a lot of bad, cookie cutter nu-metal music coming out, along with crappy pop. But not all metal has been bad. I dig a few of the tracks on the most recent Marilyn Manson CD (Golden Age of the Grotesque). "(s)Aint" is as inspired as metal gets. I have been digging on Anthrax's "Greater of Two Evils" CD, where they re-record classics from their past with the new lineup, live in the studio. It is sooooo good. In a metal kind of way.

In the meantime, I have been getting in FZ (Frank Zappa) lately. A friend of mine, Randy, dubbed some stuff off for me, and I picked up "Overnite Sensation" and the above pictured "Hot Rats" CDs. If you can ignore his perverted humor that pops up from time to time, you are treated to some killer orchestration mixed with even more killer rock guitar solos. I can see why the guy is an underground legend. He has released well over 30 albums over 30 years, and like a true artist went through varied periods... so depending on your tastes, there is something for you to love (or hate). I cannot get the songs "Dirty Love" or "Camarillo Brillo" out of my head.

Too bad he passed on, although I think in the era of over-the-top humor (ala South Park and Eminem), his schtick had worn thin, and no one wanted to recognize his musical genius. Anyway, a great guy to look into if you have burnt out on what you are into now. I mean, who could hate a guy that named an album "Sheik Yerbouti."

Looking forward there is good news and bad news. The good news is that Stevie Wonder has a new CD coming out this year, and the first single is fantastic ("What the Fuss?"). The bad news is that Better Than Ezra and INXS are trying to make comebacks.

And, to quote Chris Griffin, "That's enough, John Mayer."

Horns up.

The beast with two backs, and a new Blogger feature

2005-07-13T14:12:00.000-05:00

Hiya. I wanted to see if this Blogger photo dealy is any better than Hello. So here we go, hopefully a picture from the Omaha Shakespeare Festival, aka Shakespeare on the Green.

I have fallen in love with Shakespeare. The Bard. You know, that guy who wrote all that crap that you had to read in school? I hated it then. Now at 30 there is nothing more enjoyable than reading Shakespeare... well, I guess seeing it performed well is more enjoyable.

This year, the 19th year, of the festival saw Pericles, which I know little about, and Othello. Othello is a favorite of mine, so I did not want to miss it. My friend Nancy told me she prefers the comedies, but for my money... you can't beat pathos.

There is art in Shakespeare's tragedies. There is always the best villain, and not a hero in sight. Everyone is flawed, and the villains find a way to play on these weaknesses. The only noble characters usually find an untimely end, furthering the tragedy part of the plot.

This year's Othello was done in WWII European theater dress. Meaning, they wore uniforms and dresses of the 1940's era. This was done to make the play seem a little more familiar, which I was irked by at first, but grew to appreciate. The play itself, all 3 hours of it, was done as written. And the cast was outstanding. Iago was played probably as perfect as Iago can be played.

Did you realize that many of the words and phrases we use every day in English were invented by Shakespeare? Not mention the hundreds of clever plays on words that come so frequently that you tend to miss them. If you were ever soured to Shakespeare and yet still have a love for reading, you should give him a try again. The themes of war, racism, love, the search for meaning, and jealousy are all fit for our modern life.

Here are some of my favorites, some you may want to try. I would reccomend the Penguin/Pelican publications of his works (each between $3.95 and $5.95 US), as they use Orgel's scholarship, which is as thourough and respectful as it gets. If you still struggle with the language, pick up one from the No Fear Shakespeare series, which has the direct writings on one page, and a paraphrase in modern terms on the other.

1. Julius Caesar - political ambitions lead to betrayal and murder, and a needless war

2. King Lear - A king retires, and leaves his kingdom to his daughters, only to watch it all fall into chaos, and his own life suddenly seems a waste

3. As You Like It - A great love story about souls in exile who make the best of the situation

4. Othello - A man with high ambitions manipulates others into creating a conspiracy of murder and slander, which drive a nobel man insane

Horns up.

Reelin' in the years at Kohl's.

2005-07-10T11:57:00.000-05:00

Ever been to Kohl's? Its like a cross between Mervyns, Dillards, Sears, JC Penny's, and Target. You know the M.O.; lots of clothes, a few assorted other departments. As far as department stores go, its not too bad. The store is clean and not as crammed as others. Also, the clothes are somewhat classy and not too expensive. No top of the line stuff, but no Jaclyn Smith or Kathy Lee Gifford fashions either. They do have some tacky Daisy Fuentes and Ashley Judd product lines, but I digress...

I rode shotgun to Kohl's with my wife. It was a covert op: the ruse was that we were going for a wedding present, but the real mission was to shop our buts off. By we I mean her.

So as I am there, I decided to play armchair anthropologist. Its better than the nervous stares you get from women who suddenly feel self-conscious with their shopping when a man is just standing there. Especially in the swim suit area (by this I mean when we are in the swim suit department, not that they were nervous in their swim suit area...)

First of all, what has happened to muzak? Or is it, what has happened to me? They played Steely Dan and Duncan Sheik. Wasn't muzak supposed to be "Girl from Iponema" over and over? I hate hearing good music in stores. It reminds me of the time I heard Frank Black's "Big Red" and The Smiths "Hand in Glove" over muzac at The Gap once. "Reelin' in the Years" by Steely Dan is more or less what I want engraved on my gravestone. Every verse is genius. It isn't the kind of introspection and satire that goes with crass consumerism. Oh well.

Next item of business; The JUNIORS department. Before you cry statutory, let me finish. At what age are you not supposed to shop in Juniors ladies? If it didn't matter, why is its own department? Its not a size thing, because there is a petite section. For you guys who don't know, Juniors is the department that specializes in clothes that teens and college girls would wear. Lots of tight shirts, bare midriffs, and ass-cheekery. Flirty and fun for girls who still have some sort of a body.

Anyway, while we were in the Juniors section, (keep in mind my wife is 30) there was a dozen women. Only 2 were looking like "juniors." Other than my wife, to the woman, the rest looked well over 30. And I am being generous with using 30 as the mile post. One woman was easily 50. One word, gross (or is it 'sad').

Lastly, the "Lance Armstrong" bracelet craze. You can buy them in clumps of 4 in various colors for $2.99 under the moniker "fashion accessories." Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Like any "I care" fad, it has turned into a monster. It started off as a good idea to raise some cash for a good cause, then morphed into a statement. I have seen pink (for breast cancer), and red (for Red Cross) used by other charities, but now you can just out and out buy them for wear. Cheaper. Without tacky slogans (or with a tacky slogan of your choice). "Choose Life." Remember those huge message shirts? Shopping mall iron-on stores made a mint off those. All of these fads are bullcrap... the magnetic/adhesive "I'm more patriotic than you" ribbons, the Jesus fish, and so on. Each more retarded and useless than the last.

Horns up.

"I cannot laugh. The dwarves make me feel old."

2005-07-02T12:43:00.000-05:00

SCTV is on the air!

SCTV, one of the greatest shows ever on TV. I didn’t realize it until I started seeing the shows on TV again this year how much SCTV had shaped my sense of humor. For those of you who don’t know, SCTV was an ensemble TV show that strung together SNL/Fridays-like skits into a single premise. The premise was that there was a low-budget television, filled with all sorts of zany characters that were as funny as the celebrities that the actors spoofed.

The genius of the show rests in its premise and its actors. The premise served to cover the REAL budgetary shortcomings of the show. It looked like a low budget UHF channel because their budget was only slightly better than a low budget UHF channel. The commercials it mimicked looked like local commercials of the day.

And the cast itself was strong. In retrospect it is almost hard to believe so many talented people worked together (much like the original SNL cast). John Candy, Eugene Levy, Joe Flaherty, Andrea Martin, Rick Moranis, Catherine O'Hara, Harold Ramis, Martin Short, and Dave Thomas. Even seeming nobodies Robin Duke and Tony Rosato were great.

So much of the show’s writing was complex, yet it doesn’t dwell on being smarter than its audience. There was so much subtlety to the show, yet there was so much craziness on screen it was easy to get sucked into the hack jokes they were using to make fun of hack jokes. SCTV was a TV show that existed to make fun of television.

And, the show benefited from having a limited run. Its original syndication run served to create time to perfect their craft, as well as build a cult following. The show was rarely shown in a good time slot, and in many markets it wasn’t even shown in any sort of regular manner. Eventually, a failed bid for ABC turned into a fortunate run on NBC, which extended the shows length, gave it a more stable rotation, and even recycled classic skits from the past for a new audience to see.

And teh show was cutting edge. Floating about in obscurity allowed it to touch on subjects not entirely common on TV. Homosexuality, drug abuse, and international relations. I remember one particular skit about a Japanese talkshow that still offends me in its stereotyping. But it was an age of a scared America. We were all ducking nuclear warheads, scared of communisim, and waiting for the Japanese to buy all of America. To see these topics dealth with the way they were makes me feel ashamed that I was ever part of that America. Cutting edge and introspective, yet never arrogant or self-important.

I was first exposed to the show at some unknown point in my child hood. My cool Uncle David probably got me started. I most likely saw it on late-night NBC, as I used to love staying up late to watch TV in the summers. And since most of my TV viewing was bad UHF channels, the show was naturally a draw to me. I then later saw reruns on PBS, only to forget about it for a few years until Nick at Night (long before TV Land) showed the show ever week night. This happened when I was in 5th or 6th grade, and continued up until I was in high school. I stayed up every night to see it, until it was cancelled. By the time I got over the rerun cancellation, I was already hooked on a new skit show, Kids in the Hall, which finished development on my sense of humor. Both shows exuded cleverness and subtlety, and I am in great debt to both for shaping my off-color view of the world.

All you have to do is invoke Johnny Nuclei, Polynesian Town, or the whole network gang wara ala Godfather ("we're goin' to the mattresses!"), and I am instantly in a great mood. And the skits weren't the only highlight. There were great music acts, of bands that gave great performances even though they have been somewhat lost in time. The musical guests were always worked into a skit in some way, not just introduced as a musical intermission. Nothing beats seeing these songsters ham it up in some classic comedy skits. Dr. John, Southside Johnny, The Tubes, and so on. All great, all fun, and all still awesome to see even years after their music is off the airwaves.

By the end of the shows run, the characters that were invented were more memorable than the spoofs. And that is saying a lot, because (for instance) it is hard to remember the Leave it to Beaver 20 year reunion special without laughing out loud (Beaver kills Eddie). The characters were all over-the-top and unique. The shows’ cutthroat station manager Guy Cabellero is always seen in a wheelchair (he has no infirmities, he only uses it for respect). The troubled Hollywood darling Lola Heatherton invokes Liza, Babs, and any other diva. Bob and Doug MacKenzie (the Canadian stereotype brothers that do the Great White North show) were so funny they got their own movie. So did polka duo, the Schmengie Brothers. Earl Camamembaer, the hapless, news anchorman with big aspirations, and who is forever the ass of everyone’s jokes. Think Ron Burgandy minus swagger. Oh, and there was good old Edith Prickly, Snake, Bobby Bittman, and Ed Grimley. And a billion more I don’t care to exhaustively list.

My favorite characters were as follows;

1. the pompous, fast-talking, drunken, has-been/never-was actor Johnny LaRue, who is slowly demoted through the shows run into a running joke who can’t get work.

2. Count Floyd, the unfortunately named host of the late-night Monster Chiller Horror Theater, who invariably is given movies that are anything but scary (the title of today’s entry comes from one of those such movies… a spoof on Ingmar Bergman’s brooding films mistaken as a horror movie by the shows programmers).

3. Dr. Tongue, yet another John Candy classic. The doctor is a sweaty mad scientist who is the antagonist (ala Bela Lugosi) of many bad horror movies. Oh, and he apparently thinks that moving items close to the camera lens makes them appear in 3-D. His movies include the The 3-D House of Pancakes, The 3-D House of Stewardesses, and so on.

4. Gerry Todd. Videophile and hipster, Gerry runs a pre-MTV music video show that shows musical acts that are almost as bad as his cheesy effects (random fades and logos that he controls from a giant soundboard in from of him as he hosts) and his lame, call-in-radio style bits (his "guess how much money is in the jackpot" bit makes me laugh every time). How could I forget the man who showed me the lounge version of Turning Japanese?

All in all SCTV is awesome. TV Land shows episodes on Friday nights, although the last three weekends they have preempted it for random summer marathons. Better yet, Shout Factory has started releasing episodes on DVD collections. Three volumes are out, and a fourth is on the way. Volumes one – three contain the entire run of the NBC life span (which is a great place to start… all of the best skits from the old days are recycled, and the budget is a bit higher). The bad news is that the sets are a little expensive, at anywhere from $59 to $79 each.

Check ‘em out. Horns up.

Man will never be truly free until the last politician is hung by the entrails of the last priest.

2005-06-24T09:34:00.000-05:00

How easily do you get offended? You are still reading this after you saw the headline, so you must not get too offended. Either that or you are so outraged you just had to see what an entry could be about with such a rude start. I saw this quote on someone’s blog a year or so ago and I always thought it was a very combative way to express an opinion that many of us may have (to some degree anyway), yet would not dare to express in such a manner.

I just thought it was a good way to start my blog about being offended by words, which are more or less just sounds of different pitch and tempo. I have been very interested in language and communication lately, and my hobbies of anthropology and Japanese only enhance this interest. One thing that I will discuss today (in my own Bubblegoose way) is the notion of people being deeply offended by the words of others.

You see, I could never be president. My mouth has shot off several times in the past and I have often unintentionally (and sometimes intentionally) allowed my humor come at the expense of others. And I can’t promise it won’t happen again. Even today. But I could always lie about my words and say that I was taken out of context (like all good politicians do), but I am not smart enough NOT to record my own words.

Case in point: Sir Eddie and the Tough Jew. It’s a story I wrote in high school, I think I still have it in a folder somewhere. If that ever was released to the press, my political career would be dead before it hit the floor. You see, I wanted to write a parody of the feats of the Knights of the Round Table. So I decided to do the easy way out and make a racial story. It contained every stereotype I could muster about the evil "Tough Jew." After I wrote it, even though it was funny, I immediately realized how offensive it was. But I still wanted to hand it in… so I wrote a small paragraph at the beginning that served as a disclaimer saying these views were not my own, but were only done as a parody and for humor…

The problem is that an enlightened mind wouldn’t even have thought to write those things, much less find them funny. I feel bad that I still laugh when I read (although the laughter is more at the expense of my own audacity and the whole ‘reelin’ in the years’ vibe it gives me). But, if I may play devil’s advocate, why is it that words are so offensive?

What if I say "God watches you pee" or "A squirrel probably pooped on the grave of your dead grandmother?" Neither is really all that untrue, but there are those who would be red-faced, fist-clenched mad about such things. Somewhere as we (or language itself) have evolved to use sound as communication, we have also associated the receipt of sound with emotional response. A baby is cute when it makes random sounds. Foreign languages sound fun when we have no idea what they mean. But when you mix seemingly random noises to make a word like "kike" or "nigger," you suddenly have a scene on your hands (and rightfully so I may add).

Even the notion of cursing is funny to me. It is weird that we have assigned a black label status to certain words. I mean, not all cultures do this. But all seem to have the notion of rudeness, and words that should not be used in certain situations. English is a weird language anyway, and it is interesting that with all of its exceptions and odd pronunciations that it has become the lingua franca of the world.

Anyway, we have words like "bunt," "duck," and "rich" that raise not alarms, but change a letter or two in each and you have sinned against God and man (in some company anyway). So when you are all alone and lose your balance on your bike, and hit a tree branch hard, and say "shit!" you are such a bad person. Right? To me it has always been "no harm no foul." I try not to curse because really it is a very unintelligent way to express yourself. And since it is perceived as improper and impolite, I try to fall into societal norms. But, if I am not directing the word at another person, trying to hurt their feelings, I don’t see any harm in uttering any noise from my mouth. But even enlightened me feels bad when I step in dog crap (on your dead grandmother’s grave) and say "son of a bitch!" (kidding about the grandmother thing, don’t be offended… haha)

It is interesting to me that we react so readily to the words of others. There are people who have made entire careers playing on this response. Politicians and advertising agencies sink millions of dollars into how to say something without offending folks. Anyone in a public profession (such as ministry, politics, teaching, or medicine for example) can attest that what you say often shapes others view of who you are and what you stand for. The words we use are often the only criteria used for inclusion or exclusion from the in-groups that form and dissipate in society. Just bring up abortion and your opinions in a public place and see what happens… or in my case, evolution.

So anyway, think about it. Think about what offends you, how you judge people by what they say, and how others react to your words. If you are like me, and have the triple threat of characteristics (humor, honesty, and unashamed of your thoughts), you probably have a hard go of life from time to time because of this phenomena. If you want, email me your experiences, as I find it interesting.

Horns up.

My right hand doesn't know what my left hand is blogging.

2005-06-22T08:44:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I am dealing with the worst sunburn I have ever had. I have only had 3 or 4 sunburns in my entire 30 years living on this earth. I have a dark complexion, and I tend to be wise about exposing myself to the sun (i.e. I ‘m not one to lay out, but then again most guys aren’t).

The burn is concentrated in a small area (my shoulders and back of my neck… no red neck jokes). Well, when I small I guess it is relative. My current disgusting body surface area is 2.25 square meters of Carl. Yuck. So my burn is the equivalent of the Earth hurting because New Zealand bursting into flames.
Anyway, the point of the story is I think the heat and the burn have conspired to damage my brain. I can’t think straight, and time seems to be passing at irregular intervals. By the time I went to bed last night, it seemed like I had been awake for about 48 hours. But the day itself flew by except for an hour between 8 PM and 9 PM. Pretty weird.

Also, my sun-damaged brain is fighting with what I want to blog about. I have 4 blogs all ready and outlined to post, all a little more meaty than my current topics have been… yet the voices keep saying "mention that you rocked out to Anthrax ‘Efilnikcufecin’ yesterday" or "I wonder how many tacos I could eat." So I had better start typing and see if anything intelligent comes out. The proper blog entries will have to wait…

LEFT: Did you hear that people are losing their jobs, or being reprimanded at least, at major businesses because they are addicted to maintaining their blogs (or surfing others’ blogs)? This is an interesting social trend. People are reading and writing again. The bad news is, like most communication, it (the blog horizon) is 80% noise.

RIGHT: I am getting my blood drawn today. The hospital that I work at (one of my two jobs) does it for their employees once a year. They check your cholesterol and all of that jazz. It is an expensive set of tests and they do it for free. It makes me wonder why they do it for. The hospital isn’t exactly known for doing nice things for its employees. I picture a huge conspiracy to see everyone’s health status so they can weed out employees that may but a burden on the insurance… But what really concerns me is the 12 hour fast. I am getting blood drawn at 10 AM, so I need to avoid all food and drink until then. You’d think I was in the desert for a year as hungry as I am. I need a pop desperately!!!

That’s enough for now. Easing back into blogging is fun! I need to get a few new pictures up too. But since the girl whose wireless internet I was "stealing" has moved out of our apartment complexes, I haven’t been real keen on doing anything that requires file transfers through my 56k dial-up. Phuong was right, you can’t go back to dial-up. ;)

Horns up.

Don't Make Me Throw an Exploding Penguin At You.

2005-06-21T11:14:00.000-05:00

How does Carl ease back into blogging? Do I talk about why I have been so busy, and how I am so far behind on all of the stuff I wanted to do this summer? Maybe I should complain about my weight some more, and how I don’t exercise or eat well despite knowing better. Do I talk about my quest to find out what chloroxylenol was? Or maybe I should talk about the church, God, evolution…

Nah. I am going to talk about a video game I have just started playing. I am a nerd.

I still haven’t finished Final Fantasy 7. I have put a hold on starting any new game until I beat it. So, almost 10 years after its release, and 60+ hours into this attempt at beating it, I am all saved up and ready for the final assault. The problem is, there are no save points past where I am, so I know it is going to be a 2 hour time investment without a break to finish it (and that is if I don’t get killed!). So many games are sitting in a que, waiting to played in my ever shrinking free time…

But I finally gave in and started, on a whim, Disgaea. It is a strategy RPG, which means you move characters around on a grid, ala table top games. There are plenty of these games out there, but I am instantly addicted, and I may even think it will overthrow Parappa, Final Fantasy 7, Final Fantasy Tactics, and Metal Gear Solid as my new favorite game ever.

The game is a product of Nippon Ichi; a company known for their quirky and unique games (they even made one about a chef that used his cooking skills to save the world… and I am NOT talking about Burgertime). Disgaea itself is a game that has a huge cult following. To find it used is often a chore, let alone new. Even a used copy will cost you $50. The strategy guide is pretty much nonexistent, and if you find the soundtrack CD or the figures, you have a true treasure on your hands.

I won’t bore you about the details of the game, but I will explain some of its sexiest features. I hope you get a chance to see this game in action sometime. I can tell already it is going to be a game that demands well over 50 hours of play (I had 80 into Final Fantasy Tactics I think).

1. The game is basically a comedy RPG. The plot is that you are the teenage prince of darkness, and you slept for 2 years. While you were asleep, your dad died and the kingdom has "went to hell." So, you are out to reclaim the Netherworld in your name. As you can imagine, there is no end to the weird and wacky citizens of your land.

2. Your best friend is a girl who may or may not be trying to kill you. It is hell after all. Anyway, her special technique is conjuring zombie penguins that say "dude!" a lot. They love to work as teams, so whenever you get 2 or 3 helping each other out, the audio is laugh-out-loud hilarious! "Hey dude, here I go dude, duuuuuude! Whoa dude, good job dude!" Just like the Ninja Turtles or the big turtles in Finding Nemo. Oh, and if you pick up one of these penguins (named Prinnies for some reason), and throw them, they explode. So they are both allies and weapons…

3. You can switch off the English audio and hear the original Japanese voice actors. This may seem trivial, but you have to understand that voice acting in Japan is a high quality ordeal. When we localize games for USA, we rarely translate the games right, let alone have any effect in the voice-overs. The English audio often sounds like a high school drama production. The Japanese voice actors really get into their parts, and it adds so much to the game. There are English subtitles so no worries on following the story.

4. The game is not very linear, and the story line sort of takes a back seat to playing. This is a nice break from the overly serious games we see all around (Grand Theft Auto, God of War, Final Fantasy, and so on). If you like a particular level, you can go back and play it. And there is seemingly no end to how high you can level up (I hear 9999 is the max level).

5. For a game that does not take itself or its genre seriously, it has some very deep features. One feature allows you to call The Assembly, a group of hell’s best politicians. You can bribe them, beg them, or even use physical force to get them to do several interesting things for you. They can create new characters for you, open side quests, add new features and options to the game, and on and on. It is a game within the game to play politics, and the software writers had a lot of fun with the notion that all of the "good" politicians end up in the Netherworld.

6. Another feature that adds to the depth is the way you level-up your items. The items all are made powerful or weak due to little spirits (Residents) that dwell within the items. So there is a witch that allows you to enter the item and fight your way around, cleaning out bad spirits and finding the good ones. You can really pump a weapon up, and there are enough levels in each item to fill dozens of hours alone.

There is a lot more cool stuff, but I won’t overwhelming you with nerd-dom. I just wanted to ease back into blogging, so beware. Stay tuned for something more substantial soon…

Horns up.

Could it be that I am not as attractive as I think I am?

2005-06-15T12:48:00.000-05:00

Anything is possible, as Jerry Seinfeld replied.

Lately I have been facing a rather hard realization. I am not a popular guy. Not in the aspect of “popular” at parties, or getting a lot of phone calls. Rather, I mean, I am not well liked (at least by an increasing sect of my acquaintances). And I am not going to lie; it is starting to hurt a little.

The reason I get so touchy about it is because I have so few friends. My best friends are scattered across the USA, and my next tier of friends are equally inaccessible. The most recent friends I have made are from Japan and Singapore, so you get the idea of how hard up I am for local friendship. Even my Creighton classmates are sort of out of the picture for the summer.

It is a sort of snowball thing. First I have not so many friends to start with. Then I lose ties to all of the people I met in Norfolk, then the ones from Colorado (many of whom not only quit talking to me but are also angry with me). Then I move back here and bounce around to several temp jobs and I don’t meet anyone new.

I finally get established at the hospital, and as luck would have it, the timing could not have been worse. I’m sorting out a lot of personal problems from the “other man” incident, and I tend not to be myself (or too much myself as it were). So a lot of the pharmacy folks may have a less than favorable view of Carl, even if he has straightened up a bunch. They watched first hand as I went through a complete self tear down and rebuilding. The ones that are my friends are dear friends, as they were there for me in the worst of it. The others, I think, remember my bad days and don’t care to hear excuses.

As I was just getting to where I could deal with that, and had even come to terms with about everyone that I work with, and fortune frowns on me again. A new tech that we recently hired revealed to my friend Pat that he heard “Carl was hard to work with.” This really hurt my feelings. I couldn’t help but wonder who had told him that and what they meant and so on.

Then, as I was just getting over this, I find out that a girl at my other job said some disparaging words about me. The killer part of this is that I go out of my way to treat her decent, even though so often she rubs me the wrong way. Same as with my friend Scott’s girlfriend. We may have clashed in the past, but I go out of my way to be friendly, even sticking up for her when others are on the warpath, even doing what I can to right her mistakes and oversights without pointing them out to others. Then I find out she is bitching about me as soon as I leave and saying stuff to others about my laziness and my oversights. So these two girls, who I with great intent try to treat better than it is my nature to, aren’t on the Carl train.

How do you handle this? I mean, everyone has feelings. I often joke around about myself being a bit of an A-hole, and I am, but I think it has more to do with the fact that it takes me a while to warm up to people. To know me is to love me, or at least that is how the cliché goes. Maybe I judge others to harshly and too quickly, and my decisions are transparent. But I am the first to admit when I was wrong about someone. Another girl that I work with at the drug store is the perfect example.

Jessica is a high school graduate that at first I honestly just wrote off as dingy and white trash. I didn’t treat her as such, but that was my opinion. Then as I worked with her more, I really feel for her. I think she is a sweet girl who I wish good things for. If I was to find out she was hating on me, I would be a bit upset. But no worse than say someone who I think the world of who has decided to not correspond with me at all, for no reason I can discern whatsoever.

There is no joy in Mudville for this blogger. Now I am in a real crisis. Do I act against every fiber of my personality and walk on eggshells to overcompensate so that I am liked? Or do I do as Carl is wont to do, and just recede into myself and continue the superficial A-hole persona? It isn’t that I love people and need constant companionship, I just don’t like being hated, and I especially dislike being ignored by people I love. It is a true dilemma.

SIGH.

Horns up.

Like Hemmingway, only sober, poor, and remarkably homebodyish.

2005-05-30T15:58:00.000-05:00

Many of you who know me, know that I like to write. This blog is just one side of that. I used to enjoy writing short stories, poems, and essays on a regular basis. But, as time marches on, I seem to run out of the precious extra hours that I once used to write.

A lot of the appeal of writing comes from my love for story telling. I am very interested in story telling, and the messages and values we encode in our stories. This is why I can, and have, in the same month read Alice in Wonderland and Guns, Germs, and Steel. My love for writing has mysteriously avoided modern fiction, however. For a person who loves books as much as I do, I couldn’t tell you jack-squat about who is hot now in publishing. I still haven’t even opened the cover of The DaVinci Code. If I am going to invest time in a book, give me a classic. Or nonfiction. Or classic nonfiction. Heck, I have even begun to enjoy Shakespeare.

As I may have mentioned once before, my dream job, which is always changing, always has involved writing. Journalism, novelist, research, anthropological book writer… always writing was involved. A few years ago I started writing a fantasy adventure novel for my nephew. I haven’t given any of it to him, and it is far from finished. As a matter of fact, I have completely restarted it three times, and am currently thinking about doing so once again. Each time it becomes better, but each time I lose a little zeal for the project.

You see, I have a billion ideas for stories and movie plots. But like the high school kid who already has a band name, logo, and first album cover designed, but hasn’t yet bothered to learn an instrument… I too have faltered in taking writing seriously. Even this blog has changed in form many times from day one. Don’t believe me? Go back and read random entries from the first four months.

What I do want to do is share with you all some of my ideas. Write and let me know what you think of them, maybe I will finally start one of these projects;

1) The one I am writing for my nephew is a blend of good old high fantasy and Asian mysticism. I wanted each chapter to be as a serial entry, and I wanted to have a lot of colorful characters that I could bring in and out of the story. I don’t have a pervasive plot, but instead a lot of small adventures. I wanted to be able to write about Jin Te (my protagonist) for years. The problem is that my first draft was too much like Lord of the Rings, and then I realized I had subconsciously stolen many ideas from the Dragonball manga. So, my newest permutation of the story involves Jin as a runaway from a "corrupt" orphanage who is really the son of a king, who was betrayed by his most loyal advisor (the current king).

2) I wanted to write my own version of a heavy-handed moral children’s story. My idea is this; I wanted to write a story about a Gentile boy who was not so wealthy, and was picked on by wealthier boys (including, but not exclusive to, local Jewish boys). On one day, a young boy shows him the grave of a political revolutionary, and the story’s hero decides that seeing this dead body would be a great way to make him popular with the other boys. So he goes and rounds up a small posse of children and leads them to the grave, relaying the tale of the criminal they are about to see dead. When they arrive, the grave is empty, and all of the boys slowly depart and sling insults at the boy. But one visitor arrives to console the boy…

3) Another children’s book I wanted to write is about a little vampire who grows up in a castle. He is never allowed to leave the castle, or be awake during the day. From the castle at night, the world seems unpopulated and dull. But He finds a book about vampires, and starts to wonder if he really is one. His family continues to reassure him that he (and they) are vampires… but he doesn’t have any powers, and they don’t suck blood, and so on. In the end, the boy will find out that he is free to decide what he is, and he is not a vampire, and he runs off into the sun, finding out that the world around his castle is vibrant and full of people during the day.

4) My biggest thrill would be to adapt the Brautigan novel The Hawkline Monster for the big screen. I think this would be a great movie. It could go so many ways, and all of it would be magical and humorous, as well as filled with small nuggets of meaning.

5) My biggest challenge would be to adapt Spartacus into a new story involving slaves in America. I thought it would be great to have a story about one slave that leads a small revolt and begins sacking plantations in the south, trying to get to a boat to escape America (or a similar vehicle to reach the north). The main struggle in the story would be the fight for my Spartacus to keep the slaves from mob mentality; the question would be "are we fighting for freedom or are we fighting for revenge." Some of the slaves would want to slaughter the white men, others would want to set up shop and establish a mini society on a plantation, and yet others would say just leave. The sub plot would be about how the Southerners would be trying to spin the story out of history, trying to save face and get the slaves back dead or alive. Ultimately, the slaves would be betrayed, and their last fight would be epic, and force a change in the makeup of the south’s leadership, but yet they would fail to find freedom. There are so many themes that you could establish here…

6) For my pure adventure story, I want to do a then and now story based on something that actually happened in inter-testamental times. I want to retell the story of the Jewish Temple being sacked, and the brazen sacrificing of a pig on the altar. But in the chaos and bloodshed, I want one man to escape to the desert. And in his bitterness and madness, I want him to become a folk-legend, a sort of violent Jewish Robin Hood. The "Now" part of the story will revolve around an anthropologist who starts to find clues to the truth behind the man, and he will discover that there is a cultish tribe (with some priceless religious artifacts in tow and so on). The main protagonist is the latest in the long line of firstborn sons to be heir to the vengeance and mission of the original Jew. That mission would be one of murder and revenge. I sort of want to have the story focus on redemption, and about finally burying the hatchet… But I also want this to take place during World War 2 (or perhaps a fictional, more modern war), and have the tribe learn about the new evil in the world, and help the Axis to defeat them at a pivotal desert battle. I haven’t though much about the resolution of this one (as you can see), but the parts that happen "Then" are quite vivid, and violent, in my mind. The appeal to me is about a pure Old Testament Judaism being practiced in secret in modern times, and how it contrasts to the Christian message that rules these modern eras. And, of course, it would focus on the role of religion in a society, and how it tends to evolve.

7) My horror story would be about people who are born with a defect that allows them to hear ranges lower than humans normally do. They therefore hear the moans of the planet, and many of them go mad from the seemingly otherworldliness of the sounds. I want the protagonist here to be a woman that is injured, then surgery saves her hearing, but damning her to this new horrible ability. The story would center around a support group that is the only one in the nation for people like this, and how the madness of the group can be contagious to others. There would be a voiced message to the woman, and she will have to choose if she is really hearing the beyond, or if she is merely experiencing audio that she has not been designed/evolved to encode and decode. Wrestling with the choice will bring her to the door of madness, and I have yet to decide if I want her to be hearing the beyond (ala Contact) or if her superstition is unfounded (my preferred message). I want it to be about how we rely too much on our perceptions, and how we tend to deal with things that occur in life that we cannot easily explain away or categorize.

There you go. If you steal my ideas and write your own book or movie, at least have the decency to send me a copy and thank me. : ) What do you all think, should I work on any of these any further? Want to see what I have done so far on the last version of the story for my nephew? Email me and let me know.

Horns up.

2005-05-26T10:25:00.000-05:00

Roald Dahl is full of crap. This is the Hammond Candy Factory in Denver. No magic squirrels, no little orange men, and no chocolate river. Is it raining, is it snowing, is a hurricane a blowing...?

2005-05-26T10:23:00.000-05:00

I took a picture of a space peanut... I mean, meteorite for Scott. This slammed into the mountains near the gold mine. In the 1800's they cared very little about anything but the big five minerals (gold being the cheif one). They destroyed so much natural beauty and anthropological treasures. Fossils, minerals, and meteors all were trash when gold was king... yet somehow, a few managed to remain.

2005-05-26T10:18:00.000-05:00

I toured a gold mine in Idaho Springs. What a miserable life it would have been back then, but so thrilling. You know why there were no extreme sports back then? Because day-to-day life was extreme enough. Just ask muckers, double jackers, and prospectors.

The Front Range Bandit calls it quits (for now)

2005-05-26T10:03:00.000-05:00

Well, vacation is over. 7 nights, 4 beds (trying to break Troy's record), 2 good friends, a brewery, a gondola, a candy factory, 2 gold mines, a lot of miles vertical and horizontal, and several meals later, I am back in Iowa. It was a great vacation, I may talk more about it in detail someday in the future.

One of the things that struck me most of all about the trip was how at home I always feel in Colorado. It is my turf. I have all of these memories tied to seemingly banal areas of town. I remember emotions I felt, fun I had, places I went to pout, and so on. To me, the northern Denver area is home.

Returning to Iowa is hard, but in many ways, it is home too. I am a product of southwest Iowa and all that such a life entails. I started here, moved to Sterling, and returned to CB before I even started school. I know a little about hunting and fishing and farming, I have a sort of backwards country life philosophy deep in my heart, and a healthy appreciation for food and friends. There is a politeness to strangers that Iowa teaches, and growing up here gives you permission to use bad grammar, listen to the occasional hillbilly song, and to be overweight without public shame.

Iowa, and more specifically CB, always remind me that I haven't done anything with my life yet. I have accomplished nothing yet. CB is where you come back to when you strike out. It is the dugout for lovable losers, has-beens, and wanna-bes. We couldn't get out. But by that same coin, there is a far less judgmental air here. In Colorado, I was constantly self-conscious of my weight, clothes, income, and so on. Accomplishments mean a lot less in my Colorado, because there are always hundreds of people who have done better than you in less time and with more flair. Colorado is a place where you can really feel isolated. In Iowa, the opposite problem occurs... you have a lot of compatriots, but none of them push you to better yourself.

But I want more for me than Iowa. I love Iowa, but I love Colorado more. My brother and I often talk about this, and I think my friend Alicia even said it once herself... that we don't really enjoy being from CB, but we get very mad when someone else talks bad about it. I could live here my whole life and it wouldn't crush me, but I will always be daydreaming of Colorado and the beautiful mountains.

Or is it Japan that I want to move to...?

Horns up.

2005-05-24T00:18:00.000-05:00

And here is the wall of fame. I'd like to say I tasted each one, but I had to save some mystique for next time.

2005-05-24T00:17:00.000-05:00

Where the magic happens. I didn't see any Oompa Loompas though.

2005-05-24T00:16:00.000-05:00

Here are some of the giant hoppers/kettles that they use to cook the rice used as the base of Coors beer. And inside one of them is a giant Doug MacKenzie.

Suckin' the Silver Bullet

2005-05-24T00:06:00.000-05:00

Had yet another great day on my Colorado vacation. We slept in, which was so very nice, and then drove to Golden to visit the Coors Brewery. The brewery tour was awesome, and we got to see a lot of cool things. Best of all was all of the product tasting! I got to drink Coors Original that was "kegged" within 24 hours before my visit, kept at optimal temperature, and never left the brewery. It was so good!

Then at the end of the tour, all of the guests were entitled to three 12 ounce glasses of any combination of the Coors product line. Killian's Red, Keystone, Molson, Coors, Coors Light, Zima... you name it. I had Hard Green Apple Zima XXX and Black Cherry Zima XXX, then gave up because I was getting tipsy. My wife was going to drive, but after just 6 ounces of Orange Zima XXX she was a little tipsy herself... so we sat around waiting for the buzz to die, and shopped at the gift shop. How did we end up buying so much stuff...?

Later that day I saw a very disturbing sight, which had less to do with Colorado and more to do with the wandering mind. You know how Burger King had the huge inflatable Spongebobs and Shreks atop their buildings? Well, now they have Darth Vader. But, here is a word of caution to Burger King district managers... do not under inflate these. Seeing a limp Darth Vader bent forwards over the awning of a Burger King looks a lot like a giant flaccid black penis swinging back and forth in the wind... doesn't exactly make me want to order a "Whopper."

More later! Horns up!

2005-05-24T00:05:00.000-05:00

Mao says, "Tiger Woods doesn't got nothin' on me," while putt-putt golfing in Colorado.

2005-05-22T15:08:00.000-05:00

The beautiful Rocky Mountains.

2005-05-22T15:07:00.000-05:00

Entering Estes Park.

What I am learning in Colorado

2005-05-22T14:41:00.000-05:00

Friday night I learned something very important...

Wood-fired pizza + olive oil and bread + sangria + lower oxygen than I am used to + interactive whitewater/rowing rafting game + interactive boxing game = puking

Dave and Busters is pretty much always a waste of time. It is an overpriced adult arcade-slash-bar where most of the games are interactive (meaning you have to move). The rowing game was totally fun, but man was it tiring. And the boxing game was sooo sweet! You actually put on gloves and box the opponent. But soon after I was sick... VERY sick. I spent the next half hour in the bathroom... wow. I drove 8 hours to throw up from playing video games too hard. LOL.

Anyway, the mountains are beautiful, and I will post some pictures in a moment. Wish you were here!

Horns up.

2005-05-20T16:37:00.000-05:00

I'm eating well on vacation.

2005-05-20T16:30:00.000-05:00

Here is me and Yuri san. I will miss her very much, she was a very good friend. Have fun in Japan Yuri, and enjoy seeing your family! :)

Somewhere between sacred silence and sleep... disorder, disorder, disorder.

2005-05-18T10:59:00.000-05:00

Man am I a wreck. Finals ended and my summer is off to a shotgun start. I have worked every day, some days working at both of my jobs, and in the "off" time I have been tending to family stuff or getting prepared for our trip to Colorado (starts the 19th... I'll be blogging from the road). I haven't been able to depressurize from school, nor have I been able to take care of some business I have had to take care of. My work schedule is in flux, and that adds to the sense of chaos. Both of my jobs seem to be scheduling a week or two ahead.

The one thing I have managed to do that is good was see my friend Yuri for probably the last time ever. She was a student here at IWCC, but is returning home to Japan in June. I will really miss her, and although I have only seen her 2 or 3 times this semester, I was quite attached to her. I will post a picture of us soon.

Another area of disorder is my weight. I am right back where I was last March. Last summer I started losing some weight and really feeling better about myself. My motivation, to be honest, was an increased amount of time that I was spending with P. and S. last year. They are both so beautiful, I felt like a toad around them. So, I didn't want to be the fat guy with two hot girls... LOL. But seriously, this is how I thought. Plus I was pretty active, playing a lot of tennis and golf... which I hope to get a chance to do again this summer.

That extended into my rush to get fit for Creighton once I found out I was admitted. I didn't want to be the old, fat guy in class. And I lost a lot of weight and was feeling very good. I had some muscle tone (well, for me), and was down to 210. Then finals hit, then the holidays, then a long lazy semester, and finals, and here we are, back at 230.

230 is about 15 pounds past the point where I disgust myself. I am pretty down about it and don't know what to do. My biggest two problems are that I just love to eat (it makes me happy), and I have no one to buddy up with for weight loss and exercise. Plus, having the schedule that I have make sit hard to get into a routine... but I am going to try my hardest once we are back from CO.

And, to close this downer of an entry, I have been having a bit of the post-semester blues. When I wake up in the morning, and don;t work the day shift that day, I feel pretty lost. I have lost my purpose. I don;t have class, no tests to study for, and no hope for the socializing that I get from school. Its like I woke up in a new place, minus all of my new friends and responsibilities. It was hard enough to adjust to this after I left NCC, and now I feel the same old blues already from CU, and it is only summer break! :(

Well, I am sure things will turn around once I get some order in place. Be on the lookout for some road blogging in the next week, maybe some great pix from Colorado, which is home in my heart.

Horns up!

Time to defend Hitch

2005-05-07T12:39:00.000-05:00

Hello! I was reading one of my favorite blogs today and was incited to comment on Alfred Hitchcock. Actually, I am being called on to defend his honor a bit.

The blog I speak of is the project of a very nice woman who is watching the Top 100 movies of all time, and writing reviews. It is a great site, you should blogmark it. Anyway, she recently reviewed three of my favorite movies... Blade Runner, Yojimbo, and the Hitchcock thriller Strangers on a Train. (I instantly fell in love with her... any lady who is a movie buff, and that would sit through Kurosawa is pretty much my dream girl).

Her site also offered a link to a salon.com article which criticizes Hitch and the endings of his movies in a rather snarky way. I immediately searched the net and found similar anti-Hitch sentiments, even a few anti-Hitch websites. I was shocked! While the accusations are founded, I sort of feel the need to defend the honor of a true artist.

1. When discussing the merits and history of Hitchcock, you are not allowed to bring up The Birds. Ever. It is his worst movie, and is probably on the "worst ever"list of Hollywood in general. It was obviously a pet project of his own, with meaning that never quite translated to the rest of us. It was his Barry Lyndon or Amistaad (except those were good, just boring).

2. Does Hitch use hokey endings? Well, yes. But they weren't as hokey as they seem now. With a great director like Hitch, by the time the ending comes around his message has been sent... so what is left is to just wrap things up for Joe Cinema to feel some closure. The message of Strangers was that the idle comments (such as desiring to kill someone) we make are actually very ugly when they manifest into real actions. Hitch had made this point, and was just trying to end yet another pointless "found the real killer, chase him down" scene. The merry-go-round scene was wacky, but it was also dreamlike (which helped reinforce the movie's themes of reality vs. fiction)... and for a movie that featured a psychic girl we shouldn't cast too many stones.

3. Is Hitch wrongly deified in the pantheon of Hollywood? Nope. Did he have some shortcomings? Yeah. Looking back, he did seem to underplay acting in favor of set pieces and camera-work. But that was his craft. Acting and cinematography aren't mutually exclusive (see The Third Man, for instance), but Hitch chose to take the focus off of actors and actresses and their often self-righteous "craft." It was no surprise that William H. Macy (who is undeniably a great actor) has a bad taste in his mouth for Hitch; Hitch would have hated working with him and actors like him. Hitch had an ego, and wanted the story to be the star of the show, which indirectly made him the star.

4. Were Hitch's films marred by a lack of realism? Not really, when you consider that in Hitch's movies, he was trying to establish two things; that a simple misunderstanding/chain of unrelated events can lead to a horrible situation, and that the "wrong man" can and does get blamed/involved in awful situations. Hitch got off on seeing how people react to situations furthest from their mind... an attack by nature(The Birds), accusations by the community(Shadow of a Doubt), spy plot (North By Northwest), murder plot (Rear Window), and so on. Hitch's movies did three things: establish a premise, drop in innocent bystanders, and watch how they react. The unrealistic elements of the movies were excusably done, as if Hitch himself was a puppetmaster God testing his subjects (think about the Bible's Job... or The Truman Show).

Hitchcock's movies aren't perfect, but they were done to the extent that they were able to be done, and to the high standards of a mastermind. If Hitch was happy, then they must have been fully developed in his eyes. He may have even been aware of the B-movie like qualities of each "flaw," hoping to disarm the viewer, forcing them to look closer for the true message. He is in no way wrongly beloved and honored in Hollywood. Rather, he paved the way for future directors to knowingly approach a plot/screenplay that has some holes, and yet make it sing.

Horns up.

A busy summer ahead, part one

2005-05-05T11:57:00.000-05:00

I have a lot of work to do in the next week... finals coming up, 5 of them in all. But I can;t help looking forward to a summer with no classes... I have piles of books, games, movies to read, play, and watch. Not to mention I have a lot of Japanese to study, a spare bedroom that needs cleaned pretty bad, and a lot of mountain biking, running, sit ups that need done.Here is part one of my to do list.

Games to Play:

1. finish Final Fantasy 7 (I am just starting the last part... fighting Sephiroth)
2. Metal Gear Solid 3
3. Kingdom Hearts
4. Disgaea
5. Star Ocean
6. God of War
7. Final Fantasy 8, 9, X, and X-2

Anime movies to watch:
1. Finish .hack//sign
2. Inuyasha: The Castle Beyond the Looking Glass
3. Cowboy Bebop series
4. Samurai Champloo vol. 2
5. Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence
6. GITS: Stand Alone Complex series
7. The Big O Season 2
8. Castle in the Sky
9. Super Milk Chan vol. 4

Movies to watch:
1. Kagemusha
2. Throne of Blood
3. Shadow of a Doubt
4. Spartacus
5. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
6. 2LDK
7. Big Fish
8. Onibaba
9. Kwaidan
10. Red Beard
11. Ikiru
12. The Twilight Samurai
13. Aragami
14. The Princess Blade

Dang! And that isn't including the good movies I have that I have been meaning to watch again! I am too overwhelemed to list the books and manga this time... I will update you on my progress later. Maybe I will sneak some DVD time while I study for finals...

Horn's up.

Feelin' a little "blissfully" today...

2005-05-01T16:02:00.000-05:00

(reference to Modest Mouse if you want to uncover the hidden meaning of the title, BTW)

My friend P.W. let me go home from work early, which was nice, because I was in a funk. But now that I am home, I am depressed and lonely. I am the only one here, I tried to call a couple friends (but no answer), and the last thing I want to do is study. But guess what the thing I need to do worst is? Study.

I am freaking out about the next 2 weeks. I have a huge test tomorrow in a class I am not doing well in (Physiology), plus finals are coming soon. I also recently had to take a 0 on a 20 point quiz, and furthermore, I got a 32 out of 50 on yet another test that I felt that I had a great handle on the material. Add to this the fact that the weather has been gloomy, I haven't been feeling well, and that I will all but lost three very good friends for good now that their last semester is over... and you have one little gloomy gus.

Needless to say, the old ego is taking a beating. I honestly think that Pharmacy School is a little beyond me, and that is a hard thing to admit to. I am passing, don't get me wrong, and I am most definitely not quitting. I even think I will be a great pharmacist... but the classwork is crushing me. I have finally hit the ceiling on my mental ability I think.

I am used to excelling, and being smart. And I have learned a TON of stuff this semester, even found a lot of it personally interesting. Yet I am constantly below class average and in the last two weeks, close to the bottom. And this depresses me.

I know that I shouldn't put a lot of stock in my grades, but they are such an easy way to gauge academic progress. When I was in the ministry, I used to get upset when a church's success was measured by the number of attendees, or by the number of baptisms. I hate when, in social situations, people measure personal accomplishment and success by how much they own or make. Yet, in school, I like to measure my worth by the grading scale.

The worst of it is that the grading scale actually is relatively accurate when sizing you up to others. And "A" doesn't really mean anything, but if the class average is 3.8 and you have a 2.8, it is safe to say you are not as good of a student as the average class member. And this hurts my pride.

I have struggled a lot in the last 15 years, trying to find my place in society, deal with crazy life events, and to better myself through education. And until this year, I was very happy with my progress. Even when I was not getting into pharmacy school, I was satisfied with my accomplishments (although at the time they seemed futile).

So anyway, I am having a bad day. And I have 14 more bad days before I can try to recuperate. So if you see me, just try to give me a smile, okay? Until then, its time to start studying crap that probably won't be on the test anyway.

Horns up.........

*sigh*

PS - At least Scott cheered me up today (unknowingly). He's always good for a bunch of laughs.

Some Speedy Snippets

2005-04-25T07:15:00.000-05:00

1. First of all, I need to ask you all (loyal bubblegeese that you are) again to PLEASE participate in my latest project... I would like you to send me a picture of yourself, preferably holding a sign that says something about/to me (like "hi Carl" or "I love the Bubblegoose" or something that actually sounds creative). Please do this, I am loading the pictures onto my PSP to carry with me.

2. Look soon for my new side-project blog. More info to leak out soon.

3. Once again on Contender the forces of evil were vanquished and Ahmed lost. That guy is a horses ass. Two fights on the show, and he is 0-2. I think that speaks louder than words. If you saw him in the locker room after the fight, I think he is finally starting to realize that his talk will never match his walk.

4. They showed footage of a Star Wars convention in Indy. 3o,000 people showed up, and each person looked more nerdy than the last. I have like a billion things I want to say about this, but if you saw any of the footage, words could never say what you saw. A lot of people with no life.

5. The Sony PSP is an amazing gadget, and it has a lot of possibilities. One of them is the ability to download photos, music, and movies to the memory card and carry them with you (see item #1 above). The first company to jump on board with this technology is not a video game company, or even a music store... it is Playboy. Playboy has free downloads of non-nude pictures of a current playmate, along with a short video that is already formatted for the PSP (FYI, formating videos to play on the PSP is a huge pain... I think it is designed that way on purpose). For a small fee, you can join the Playboy SP club and get nudie pix and videos for your PSP. Once again, computer technology is at once abuse and furthered by the world's insatiable appetite for porn. More on this some other time.

Horns up!

It was a real CB BBQ...

2005-04-18T07:54:00.000-05:00

I had a great weekend! I worked Saturday morning, but then it was off to Troy's (my brother) for the pre-summer barbeque. Or as we called it, the "ber-be-cue." It was a weird affair... it was a mix of a family cook-out, birthday party for my sister and a friend of ours, and a good old fashioned drinkin' and eatin' BBQ.

The party started at 4 PM-ish, and the family all left by 8 PM, leaving only the drunks... I mean, party animals to finish out the night. The official end time was 4:30 AM. So I missed a lot of great times, I am sure. I'll let Troy relay that info.

The digital camera was clickin', until I filled up my memory card... I had too many old pix on the card... so I missed out on a lot. There were a lot of people there that I don't have pictures of. I didn't want to flood this site with too many pix, so you can head over to Troy's page to see more. And if you wait until later today, I am sure he'll write his own post about what went down. Expect more BBQ's to come.

The highlight of the day for me had to be when...

...not everyone had arrived yet. Mostly it wsa just the 5 members of my family, my nephew, my wife, Buck, and Stoltz. Mark had speakers propped up inside the windows of his house, and we were blaring The Doors (another Smith trademark). My dad, with a grin, said "It was 1968, and we were doing this exact same thing, except with different people and I was drinking." Dad stopped drinking when I was in high school, by the way. It was a great comment because it was true... and it is easy to see that Troy and I are just living out the family tradtion. More Troy than me, but you get the point.

The worst thing about the BBQ was that the Hank Williams Sr. CD wouldn't play for some reason. Anyway, a good time was had by all. I did a lot of other fun stuff this weekend, but I just wanted to give an update on the BBQ. So, Bubblegoose fans, prepare yourself for the next round. Troy says he is going to host these all summer. And of course, you'll be invited soon enough!

Horns up.

2005-04-18T07:53:00.000-05:00

The ber-be-cue started off as all of Troy's endeavors do... with he and Buck putting back some beers and showing off the guns.

2005-04-18T07:52:00.000-05:00

I played cook. The new grill was pretty killer. It was the meagerest of ber-be-cue meals... just the basics. Hamburgers, hot dogs, chips, pop, and beer. It was the warm-up ber-be-cue after all... don't want to crack out the steaks just yet...

2005-04-18T07:39:00.000-05:00

The highlight of the activities was the horseshoes. The only way a Smith lost was if another Smith was on the other team. It is a genetic redneck fact; Smiths know their horseshoes.

2005-04-18T07:38:00.000-05:00

Here is more hot horseshoe action. Here is dad in mid-throw. You can't stop a Smith when it comes to pitching horseshoes.

2005-04-18T07:35:00.000-05:00

And, as always, mom is left with clean up duties.

Nebraska Sucks

2005-04-14T07:03:00.000-05:00

Well, not as much as Kansas, but close.

In a court here locally, a jury acquitted a teenage boy from sexual assault charges. He had pinned down an underclassman teammate and stuck his finger into his butt. The whole event was painted as harmless horseplay and hazing. Fellow upperclassmen and coaches defended the boy, saying that it was just the sort of thing that goes on in locker rooms, and perhaps it had just got a little out of control.

The prosecutor was able to paint a picture that the boy had motivations beyond horseplay. He was homophobic, and was continually referring to the victim as "gay" (whether he was gay or not was never clarified, but it really doesn't matter). The boy is also facing 3rd degree assault charges in a separate case (because it has not been settled yet, it was not allowed as evidence).

The boy's lawyer was able to convince the jury that it was not assault or rape because...

a) there was clothing present between the finger and inside of the anus, so it couldn't technically be considered penetration

b) the victim only came forward because his ego was harmed, not because he honestly felt violated

Both defenses are non-defenses to me. But the jury bought it. And on National Day of Silence too.

I was once told by my employer that sexual harassment charges in the office work like this; sexual harassment is defined as whatever the victim says they consider harassment. We all have different sensibilities, and even a seemingly harmless joke could make someone uncomfortable. So, if the rules governing verbal assault are quite subjective, then why aren't the rules governing forced entry into your body?

The jury and the lawyer combined should be ashamed of themselves. The Midwest is a hostile place to live. There is a pattern of shared bigotry and an amazing lack of common sense. The air of homophobia and good-old-boy networking is enough to make a person sick. Yet, Nebraska is eternally selling itself as "the good life."

But, what do you expect from a state that defended the actions of football player Lawrence Phillips? As long as he was a good player, and helped the Huskers win and win again, he could do whatever he wanted. Good life? Efilnikcufecin, as Anthrax would say.

Horns up.

Eating Jesus

2005-04-13T09:14:00.000-05:00

‘ola mi amigos!

I am going to momentarily slip back into old-Bubblegoose vibe. That means I am going to talk about something other than girls and music for a change. You can prime yourself for my entry by reading my latest comic strip here. If you are uninterested in Christian churches (and I don’t blame you), just read the cartoon and call it a day. The rest is sort of meant for the choir, so to speak.

Do you go to church? If so, do you do communion at your church? How often? What is it like?

We Protestants love our Jesus Eatin’. We’ve let this issue be one of the major contentions leading to the infinite splintering of our churches. Who can take communion? How often? Does the bread literally become Christ’s flesh? When should it done during the service? How is it delivered? Real wine or grape juice? Unleavened bread is a whole loaf, or little prepared S&M Communion Bread brand communion nuggets?

It is a shame that the Protestant church is as divided as much as it is. It is a further shame that divisions come from such ridiculous sources. For a sect of churches that claim to “speak where the Bible speaks, silent where the Bible is silent,” there seems to be some blindness.

In most contemporary (and large) Protestant churches, we have switched to the use of tiny, Tic-Tac sized nuggets of communion bread. They are poured into a tray/plate and passed from parishioner to parishioner. Everyone touches only their piece (ideally) and the Host is passed around the flock in record time. The only thing that moves faster than the Host is the offering plate.

But using these nuggets has always upset me. It ruins the whole imagery of communion. I realize that large congregations sort of create new demands on practice, but even the communion meditations do little to throw light on the imagery of communion taking.

In our churches, the communion meditation is often given by a lay-member or a deacon/elder. Many use this time to sermonize. In my church, it seems as if the guys are auditioning for “holiest/smartest lay person” award; dropping poorly pronounced Greek words and outlandish (read: incredible in the true sense of being not-credible) illustrations. You wouldn’t believe the topics (and lengths) of some of the meditations I have heard. Week to week I cross my fingers, hoping that the guy (yes, only guys seem to be allowed to talk about the Lord’s Supper) just reads the scriptural account of Christ establishing the communion.

The point of the communion is to reaffirm that we are a part of one God. The imagery reminds us of His martyrdom, and therefore our redemption. But the real imagery is that we all receive these things from one unified source. My hand and your hand break pieces from the same loaf. There is an intimacy with sharing food. It brings a feeling of family, of kinship between strangers.
We all feed from the same body. This should be a message that heals division and doctrinal conflict. Instead, little illusion is ever made to this. In a case where church demands on serving time require Eucharist Chipper Minis (self reference, read the comic link above), the focus should be on reforming the meditation time. Make the guy stay on task. Make him talk about communion’s purpose and what the symbolism is. Maybe even visually break a prepared loaf so that the image is fresh in our minds.

The biggest threat to the internal validity of Protestant churches is our inherent attitude of rugged individualism. We left England. We split from the Catholic Church. We built America. We wrote the laws. Most of us refuse to establish hierarchies or creeds or mission statements. We split into so many independent churches and sub-denominations that every church is somewhat unique. We talk a lot about relativism and personal relationships with God. We talk about freedoms and rights and self-expression. Even our hymn books contain different songs, if we use hymn books at all.

All of this is deeply imbedded in the American experience, and it began with these religious separatists. And the ideas are passed down to each new generation. What we are ignoring is the corporate part of Christianity, and life in general. There is a certain amount of conformity and uniformity and self-denial that is integral to being a good Christian (actually, this extends beyond religious talk… there is a certain amount of conformity and uniformity and self-denial that is integral to being a good human).

We are called to look at ourselves as God’s children; all of us. It does the Kingdom no good to think of our churches in terms of services (early vs. late), church fellowships (Church of Christ vs. First Christian vs. Westside), denominations (Baptist vs. Presbyterian), locations (country church vs. Willow Creek), or any other dividing factor. When God looks at His church, he sees the Catholic, the early service attendee, the contemporary worship participant, the minister, the secretary, the deaf, the Hispanic, the child, and so on. To Him, all of “us” are from the same loaf. The only true individuality that is demanded from us is our accountability… and even this is somewhat out of our hands (we are told that we need the intervention of the blood of Christ to even stand a chance).

A God that has 40 billion individual covenants is not a Biblical God.

We are not individuals in Christianity. And the practice of using these Unleavened Chiclets only reinforces this awful individualism. The Protestant Church is heading in a poor direction as it is, and it needs to reform. It needs to reexamine why it is splintered, why we lack unity (even within one building), and what exactly our theology and mission is. A great place to start is with each Protestant church examining its practices and traditions. Traditions are not bad, but they do have meaning. And the tradition of the speed communion, coupled with the random lay-sermonette, is sending the wrong message.

If the church hopes to root itself in truth, and is sold on believing that the ultimate source of truth lies in the words of Christ, then we need to be better about honoring His words. Think about this the next time you take communion.

Horn’s Up

PS – The new Mindless Self Indulgence CD is awesome. There, now I am back to the new-Bubblegoose vibe again.

You gotta cut me Mick

2005-04-11T19:56:00.000-05:00

Another week, another AWESOME episode of The Contender. It was a great fight between two real boxers. Unlike the previous week, both of these guys were emotionally stable and acted like warriors. I hated to see Tarick lose, although I like Juan also. Juan was like a windmill in 2 rounds, with a lot of heart but no discipline. He took a ton of hits he shouldn't have. How the judges came up with a unanimous decision is beyond me. But he did land a ton of punches, and beat Tarick into loopy fatigue.

The reason I like Tarick is because he was a man, in the archetype that all boxers should be men. He respected his opponent, took the decision with class, and didn't show any ridiculous 'roid-esque outbursts of crying or locker-room destruction. He was cool, calm, stayed in the fight mentally, landed a ton of shots when his arms were like anchors, and above all, hugged the young Juan after the fight was over.

Tarick and Juan both probably have the most heart on the show. Juan just turned 18 before the show's taping began. As a matter of fact, he looks younger. I half expected a scandal to pop up with He's lean, but doesn't look strong. Yet he hits fast and hard. He has so much desire for the sport than he moved to Mexico just so he could compete professionally. He lacks a ton of discipline and patience... he'll be great when he gets a few more years of competition under his belt.

Tarick's heart comes from the fact that he was once ranked in the top 10, and had a scheduled championship fight... until the champ backed out. He was so disheartened that all of his hard work built up to nothing, that he hung up his gloves, and settled down to be a family man. This show was his way of settling up with his heart; walking back into the ring, and hoping to see if this time he can earn his chance and dig down and make something of it.

Tarick was a man who not only was a great boxer who just missed out on his break during his prime, but a great man to boot. Its too bad he is off the show already. If you ever wonder why people like boxing, watch the fight from this week... it got a little sloppy towards the end, but it was as artful and as honorable as the sport gets.

But stock up on that warm, fuzzy feeling of seeing heart in the ring... next week it sounds like someone walks off the show... as in all sports, there are a lot of guys with no sack... I mean heart... that run when things aren't filling their perception of ideal situation.

NBC: Great stuff.

Horns up.

Willie Gillis at the USO

2005-04-09T07:11:00.000-05:00

(Just a reminder; please send me your pictures! Send me a picture of yourself holding a sign saying hello to me, Carl, or the site in general, Bubblegoose. Send them to unsung1974@yahoo.com and have a lot of fun with it! The pictures will be placed on my Sony PSP in a photo album, and unless you request other wise, I will post the cool ones on this site off and on! see the April 8th post for more begging)

I have this calendar hanging in my bathroom that I got free-of-charge from a disabled American veteran’s organization. Each month displays another in the long line of lame Norman Rockwell paintings. You know, the guy famous for his good-old-days paintings, as seen in the Saturday Evening Post and finer dentist's offices everywhere.

This month's picture is a goofy looking guy (ala Gomer Pyle) dressed in a soldier's uniform. He is seated with a plate of donuts and a cup of coffee, while two slim women are attending to him. The women are USO reps, and are making him visibly embarrassed and uncomfortable. The thing that I find interesting is that by looking at the picture, you immediately are in the understanding that the man is a dork, and the women are beautiful...

... but the women do not appear that beautiful. The one on the left looks like she is 50 and the other one just looks goofy. But this is a perfect display of how the image of beauty changes with time. It (beauty) is not only in the eye of the beholder, but is also subject to the dreaded "paradigm shift." (note: paradigms are the scientific/anthropological version of a fad)

Our concept of beauty changes constantly, and frankly, if you look back too far, it is hard to find a lot of women or men who look contemporarily beautiful. The ones that do have a special timeless quality that makes them unique anyway. One of my favorite pastimes in high school was to look through all of the old yearbooks in the archives. As the old joke from MST3K goes, they all look like they are long past being teenagers (my favorite use of this joke by Mike and the 'bots was during a movie where Mel Torme was supposedly a teenage rebel, and he looked at least in his mid 30's).

My friends and I were always quite surprised when we found a "hottie" in the pages of our school's past. Let's just say that I would expect that a women's college's student body back-in-the-day did not look like the cast of Mona Lisa Smile.

Even the Hollywood actresses from previous eras suffer from this. While it is apparent at first site that these ladies are beauties, they still seem to the modern eye a bit "off." And it is more than the hair and clothes... it is how they carry themselves, their body shape, and even facial features.

Three great places to look at past beauties are old James Bond movies (where the women seem angry, old, and more shapely than today's starlets), Hitchcock movies (where he cast timeless beauties, but those that are still hard to place an age on... Shirley MacLane looks 30 in her debut role), and the old British Hammer horror movies (perhaps more than the others, these actresses look incredibly hot, but do not look like anything walking about these days). Not to dog on the English, but if you look at the 70's sci-fi movies from the UK, you will often see a parade of women that lack even a hint of attractiveness; a far cry from the adult film stars that are used to fill roles in today's sci-fi trash.

I wonder why this is, that beauty would change with time? I wonder if Helen of Troy could launch any ships today? If Rene Zelwigger was actually able to go back to the 20's and be a flapper (ala Chicago), I wonder if she would be make the other women pale in comparison, or if she would seem an ugly duckling? Would Paris Hilton seem attractive to Sean Connery circa 1962? Would Marilyn Monroe even be able to get a TV show role in today's world?

So, if you look in the mirror and don't see George Clooney or Kirsten Dunst staring back at you, don't worry. Maybe your face and body were just meant for another time. Like all things, there is always hope for a paradigm shift. Or, as they say, every dog will have its day... good news for us dogs! (I am hoping for a shift to make men with receding hair, a spare tire, and no muscle tone at all to be the new standard for male beauty)

Horns up!

An Urgent Request To Both My Friends and Blog Surfers

2005-04-08T12:11:00.000-05:00

Another fantastic spring day, and I am not cramming for a test! It is a great feeling. I do have to work later on, but such is life. I was going to the golf driving range with my friend Pat today, but it didn’t work out. That’s okay because I am not in a hurry to show off my ugly swing (which is ugly when I am in practice…)

Now on to the important request;

I want you all to send me pictures of yourself, holding a sign saying “hello Carl!” I am serious about this. My new Sony PSP (coolest gadget ever) can hold a photo album on its memory card. I wanted to fill it with pictures of my friends, but I thought that this would be a fun project to play with.

Even if you don’t know me send me a picture to unsung1974@yahoo.com. I don’t care where it is taken, what you are dressed like, or whatever as long as you are in it, and you are holding a picture that says something to the effect of hello to me (Carl) or to the Bubblegoose. Sound like fun? Start your creative engines going! Oh, and be sure to mention if you do or don’t wish for it to be posted on this site… I may post some of the more brilliant ones.

PLEASE DO THIS! I think it will be a great way to goof around this spring and summer, and give my PSP a nice little photo album.

And too my friends, especially consider doing this. I would love to have a chronicle of my friends. I have no pictures at all of most of my life’s experiences, and lately it has bothered me a little. I am resolving to carry my digital camera around with me more often so that I may take more pix and I can share them with all of you. You’ll probably be getting an email from me soon begging for this same thing, so heads up!

Anyway, send me a pic or two. If you have fun with it, keep sending them. You can be Carl’s equivalent to the roaming gnome! : ) I hope response to this is good!

Horns up!

Jockin' Mike D To My Dismay

2005-04-02T16:05:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone! A month ago, my awesome e-friend Yuki (from Singapore) asked me if pharmacy was my dream job, and if not, what my dream job would be. It took me a long time to respond to this, but I thought about every day. It was one of those questions that really got me thinking... I should say, it was a question that sort of began to haunt me.

Let me wander away from the main point of this for a second... ever sit in church or school and start playing mind games with yourself? You start asking "if I was single, who in this room would make a good match for me?" Being a true "guy" my first instinct is to gather up all of the prettiest girls in view to fill my mental casting couch.

But then the logical part of my mind takes over. How many of these girls would even be interested in me? Do they have similar religious and political views? Would they hate things I love? What do they like to eat? What are their hobbies? Do they have a lot of girlfriends they'd rather hang out with on weekends, or will they be over-reliant on me for attention?

Anyway, you get the point. Now back to the main part of my blog; When Yuki asked about what my ultimate job was, I played same mind games. Which jobs pay the most? Which are the most fun? Which are in the best places? Which have the most prestige? Which help the most people? Which take the least work? And so on...

I was upset with myself that I did not conclude that pharmacy was not my ultimate job. I sort of had a bit of a character crisis. I mean, if it isn't what I truly want to do, why am I pursuing it? Am I doomed to be out soul searching again in 10 years, looking down the barrel of another career change? I hope not, because I don't have another life crisis in me. But shouldn't I be pursuing my dreams and make them happen? Or is it wise to follow a semi-impossible ideal to futility? (FYI, what I really want to do is write).

I bummed myself out. I sort of felt like a fraud, and I know well what that feels like (I went through the same ordeal when I was in the ministry, but on a much more serious level). But then I sort of had an "a-ha" moment...

You don't have to be in the possession of your ultimate job. It isn't a requirement for happiness. If X equals anything (job, mate, car, body, etc.), your ultimate X is often just a dream anyway, And how many of us ever have our dream anything? As a matter of fact, I had fallen into a trap that many people do... become depressed that I do not have my ultimate X. I had ignored the fact that so often in life we need to feel fortunate for what we do have, rather than be upset at what we do not.

A couple days ago I took a little heat for a tongue-in-cheek/smart assed look into springtime and girl watching. Which is fine, but people seemed to bristle that I would dare hint that I am not totally immersed in the greatness of my wife. My wife is a great person, but she is not my ultimate girl. Should I be married to her then? Of course, because I will never meet my ultimate girl. Should I leave her if I meet a girl closer to my ultimate X (making her my ex in favor of my X)? Of course not. And incidentally, I have met a girl closer to my X. Actually, I have met a few girls, all with certain traits that extend far higher on the chart, closer to my X values. But you know what? In all of them, other attributes fade further away from X also.

This goes much further than my semi-conscious ogling of a couple pretty, smart, funny girls that I am secretly into... That is to say, it has a further reaching implication than ridiculous male fantasizing. The same problems can be applied to jobs, religion, and family life. Maybe you have a child born who refuses to fulfill your desires. Maybe they are disabled or just naughty. Maybe your child ends up homosexual, or overly promiscuous. Maybe your child shuns your religion for another, or decides that religion is bunk altogether. What do you do? Live a life of constant disappointment and bitterness, or do you love the child for who they are and liberate yourself from forever asking "what if?"

One of my top 100 songs of all time is "Wish I never saw the sunshine" by Beth Orton. It has a lot to do with beating yourself up over "what if." Just listening to it makes me slip into the regretful frame of mind. Why didn't I do this? What if I could take that back? What if I had met her in a different situation? How did I gain 60 pounds in one semester? Should I have plastic surgery? Chasing your ultimate X's leads to rainy day melancholy every time. But why not just step back and look at what you have and finding some good aspects? Evaluate where you can make a few adjustments, but for the most part, be thankful for what you have.

This sort of question seems to derail a lot of people (and I should have known better than to fall into the trap). People get upset at their church because it isn't doing everything they wish it would. They get frustrated at their job because it isn't as stimulating as it should be. They leave their wives because they aren't as "perfect" as they had hoped. They even spend their lives changing themselves (hobbies, eating habits, musical tastes, political views, and so on) because they aren't feeling as good about life as they would ultimately like to. In many ways, the so-called "midlife crisis" many Americans experience is founded is this hopeless chasing of ultimate X's that will never materialize. The only people who seem to forever chase these X's are either "desperate" housewives, bald men with convertable sports cars, pretty young actresses having to do porno to pay rent in LA, and starving artists living in downtown studio apartments.

In the end, I decided that Pharmacy is a great fit for me. I researched it pretty well before I started to pursue it, so I am glad that I can come to this decision still. I love the scientific rigor, the calculations, and I even like dealing with the people. It is a healing job, a caring job, and, by the way, a job that pays very well. Being a pharmacist will allow me to not only have fulfillment in my career, but money to help my wife and I meet certain life goals that we have (like buying a home and having children). Shoot, I may even get to travel to Japan finally.

So in the end, no Pharmacy is not my ultimate job. Sandy is not my ultimate wife. 220 pounds is not my ultimate shape. My apartment is not my ultimate dwelling space. And my 1993 Saturn is not my ultimate car. But all of these things serve me well, and I am thankful that I have them. I am lucky for the opportunities and breaks that I have, and I shouldn't beat myself to death trying to obtain some elusive ideal X.

But this won't stop me from mentally auditioning possible ultimate Mrs. Smith candidates. (I mean that in the least creepy way possible... lol).

Horns up!

The Sony PSP was created by God to train the chosen one to lead Heaven's armies into war, and to defeat Satan's forces (ala The Last Starfighter)

2005-03-30T23:08:00.000-06:00

Or so I learned on South Park last night. Since last Thursday, I have been a lot like little Kenny... with my face stuck in my PSP every free moment. I have purposely avoided talking about it because I wanted to get out of my "geeking out" stage first. It really is an awesome gadget, and as far as I am concerned, the crowing acheivement in portable entertainment. And, it doesn't hurt that it has all those spiritual implications also.

I began hearing about the PSP last year, when it was just a whisper that Sony was finally going to try to dethrone Nintendo from its undisputed portable video game throne. I started paying for my PSP in January of this year, and got it, launch day (3/24) at 9 AM or so.

The thing have a large, beautiful screen that has resolution better than out home TV. Its dimensions are true widescreen, which makes for a far better expereience in gaming and movie watching. Oh yeah, by the way, you can watch movies on it.

The thing is loaded with potential. It plays DVD quality movies (it came with Spiderman 2, which I haven't watched yet... I am saving my PSP-movie-virginity for House of Flying Daggers next month). It can play MP3s, allow you to view video files and pictures, and has a USB port to allow for easy transfer of materials back and forth between your PC and the PSP.

The PSP also has a killer app in that it has an incredible wi-fi capability. It can link up with up to 16 other PSPs locally (i.e. within 100 feet), as well as use internet hot spots to play opponents all around the globe. The posibilities are endless.

Rumors include future email and web browser capability. It is a camera and cell phone away from being the only electronic device you will ever need.

But I bought it to play games. It launched with a ton of games, and luckily for me I had no particular excitement for any of them. Well, that is a lie. It launched with an all new Metal Gear Solid adventure that I am totally nerding out about. I also bought the visually stunning Ridge Racers, so that other people could see the power of the PSP and have a game to jump in and play (I am not a fan of racing games per se, but I do love Namco's Ridge Racer series for a little bit of an arcade racing fix).

Just today I picked up a used (yes, a used game already!!!) copy of Untold Legends, which is a pseudo-RPG somewhere between the old-school Gauntlet games and the more current MMORPG games. Basically you create a Dungeons and Dragons type character (complete with numerical values for attributes, profession specific skills, and a billion magic weapons and armor to find or buy), and then you enter dungeons and hack up monsters and find treasure. It is a a ton of fun, and you can hook up with 3 other people and play cooperatively in true Gauntlet style!

Those games are more than enough to keep me busy until Hot Shots Golf and FIFA Soccer are released. Beyond that, I haven't a clue if there are any games coming soon that I will consider "must haves." Capcom is releasing Devil May Cry soon, which I normally would over look, but playing a portable game that has a lot of style and a cult following may be a hoot.

The last thing I will say about it is that there are a series of Final Fantasy products coming out for it, which if you know me, you know that means I will be glued to my new favorite toy permanently.

Horns up.

PS - that South Park episode had everything... a mockery of the "battle of the feeding tube," mockery of Keanu Reeves, Grimma Wormtongue, a Milton-meets-Tolkein war between the angels and the demons, and the revelation that for ages God only allowed Mormons into heaven, until he realized Hell's army was growing much faster than His, so he started allowing assorted others into Heaven as well. I wouldn't say it is a must see, because it was pretty offensive, but it was pretty darn funny.

PPS - I want God's golden PSP!!!

Spring time wrings out my brain like a filthy washcloth.

2005-03-29T14:08:00.001-06:00

(Sorry for the lack of updates lately... insert your favorite blogger excuse here)

There is something about the warm weather in Iowa that does something to my brain. I drive around with my windows down, feeling the breeze, listening to Stevie Wonder, Run DMC, and Steve Miller, and staring at every single girly that is out jogging or walking or whatever. Let’s just say sun + girls = Carl isn’t thinking with his brain.

As a matter of fact, all I can think about is girls. This is not good for a 30 year old married man. I blame my genes… the sarx (σαρχ) is a little harder to kill in the Smith boys than in normal families. As I sit watching my neighbor, who is on permanent disability for a back injury, ride his son’s skateboard around the parking lot, my mind drifts to where else but the subject of love. Or L-U-V.

And I have made a decision. I want a girlfriend. Or should I say, I want to entertain all offers that I can squeeze into my free time as discreetly as I can. (keep reading before you call my wife or send me an evil email please).

Being married is the ultimate proverbial “grass is greener” situation. On a wistful day like today, it becomes more and more clear why the term mistress isn’t fading from the Funk and Wagnall’s any time soon. Think of all of those other ladies out there, all different shapes and sizes, with so many other things to offer. Different opinions, different views, different cultures…And here you are married. Stuck with waning sex / bad sex / no sex, the same old topics of discussion, and the complete lack of discovery or magic in conversation. I believe it was the modern poet M. Manson who said “hate today who you wake up with tomorrow.” It’s like that but in reverse. On a nice spring day, I spell marriage r-u-t.

Suddenly I want to buy a plane ticket and fly to Japan and just blow a small fortune on Karaoke bars and short-term flings. So what’s holding me back? Well that is the crux of the question, isn’t it.

In all moral dilemmas, we have to stop and ask ourselves that same question. What is to stop you? Stop you from cheating, stop you from denouncing God, stop you from having an abortion, stop you from shootin’ snortin’ smokin’…

We come up with all sorts of great reasons. The favorite for the morally weak is that “it is illegal.” Nothing says conscious moral decision like the threat of imprisonment. The other reasons that fall just under that are “I wasn’t raised that way,” and “it isn’t what my religion allows.” No self respecting parent or god would be happy with that answer. Why do you choose to do some things yet avoid others?

In my case (fleeing to raise hell in Japan), I have several easy answers of why I don’t. Being married, such an action would violate my vows. I am a Christian, so that sort of behavior would anger my God. Also, I am deathly afraid of STDs. I don’t want to pay child support, and I can only imagine that international child support sucks even more. Oh, by the way, I have NO MONEY! I have no time. I barely know Japanese, and perhaps a much smaller reason (*ahem*), I am unattractive and overweight.

So why don’t I do it?

Well, I don’t because it is wrong. I have decided on a world view that says that such acts (e.g. sexual conquest collecting), while they must be fun, are just not the proper way to conduct yourself. There is a measure of accountability and sanctity in those acts… not sanctity in a necessarily Christian sense, but sanctity as in those acts MEAN something emotionally. I am not just going to go around diluting my heart with as many people as I can until I am at less than 50% capacity.

And, I made the conscious decision to get married. I picked a girl, and I am sticking with her. Because God says so? Maybe at one time I thought that way, but that isn’t the case. It has to do more with the fact that I love her, and while I may go through periods where I couldn’t be more sick of her, I can rest assured that she has as many (if not more) periods of being sick of me. You don't marry the same stuff you jones for on a 76 degree spring afternoon... you marry for the stuff that you appreciate on long winter days, boring weekends, long car rides, times of grief, and moments of small victory.

If more people realzied this up front, there wouldn't be so many crappy marraiges... they'd just get it on until they were sick of each other and move on. Is that a better system... you be the judge. I would throw this into the debate though, Douglass county (the county my University is in) has the highest rate of gonorrhea IN THE NATION!!! So I guess I am not the only one out there getting spring fever... those other people must be making a different choice than me though! : )

The moral of the story? I’d like to think that everyone had a real logical reason behind the choices they make; true accountability in other words. Let’s not try to legislate and demonize and institutionalize behavior through a God or spirit or whatever. I act the way I act (on good days) because I have decided that my behavior best serves not only my own purposes and whims, but the concerns of those around me, and society as a whole. Don’t trust someone who hides their moral choices behind some other facade.

But man do I wish it was my turn to sew some wild oats for once.

Horns up.

I Heard Some Other Fellers Talkin'... (about smoking cessation)

2005-03-22T21:30:00.000-06:00

In my pharmacy classes, there is a lot of lip service directed towards pharmaceutical care. For the rest of you, that is just a fancy way of saying that pharmacists are involved in activities more clinical in nature than just "counting pills." This ranges from counseling patients about the disease diabetes, and helping them manage the disease, to screening cholesterol. The common cry in this field is that a) pharmacists aren't respected as the medical professionals that we are, b) that if we offer these services people will gladly use them, and c) that these services would save the 3rd party insurance companies thousands of dollars (by preventing disease states and health complications).

I just read on Yahoo tonight that Medicare/Medicaid has agreed to begin paying for health care professionals' to provide a service that is a key component on our hypothetical world of pharmaceutical care; smoking cessation counseling. It is unclear from the literature that I had at my disposal if Medicare/Medicaid are FINALLY going to recognize pharmacists as health care professionals (which would mean that we would be included in those who could seek payment for services we may already be doing in this field), but I have a strong opinion related to this reimbursement.

I think that there is a definite hurdle when it comes to taking pharmacists seriously. This hurdle is what I joking call my "Osco" theory. Locally, we used to have pharmacy/drug stores that served as prescription filling pharmacies as well as convenience stores. Like most drug stores, the other merchandise is often there to attract customers, and make a little revenue. Well, except for grocery stores, where the pharmacy is the gimmick, but I digress... Anyway, at Osco, you could buy just about any liquor or alcoholic drink you desired, as well as your cigarettes.

It is hard to consider your local Osco pharmacist a health care professional when to get to the "professional" you pass through sale isles, the dollar panty bin, latest "singing fish" type gadgets ("as seen on TV" impulse buys of the worst caliber), fad diet supplies, and shelves/racks of booze and cigs. No matter how educated and empathetic your pharmacist is, and how great of a job she/he does counseling you on your medication, it is hard to consider them par with physicians if their overhead is coming from sources like those mentioned above. A lot of this is ineviable in today's marketplace, but there is a serious ethical problem relating to the last items I mentioned (cigs and booze).

If we are to take pharmacists seriously as health care professionals, who are going to collect redistributed tax dollars in return for their smoking cessation counseling, shoudln't we also expect their pharmacies not to be making money on the sales of tobacco products?

My idea is this; IF the government wants to reimburse this service, more power to them, but we THEN should expect there to be standards. I say there should not be even one dollar paid in reimbursement to a pharmacy that is not confirmed to be tobacco free. It is a conflict of interest that messes with the health of millions.

If I had my way, I would also say no reimbursement dollars to physicians or pharmacists individually who do this work who smoke themselves, but that is being greedy. I feel that it would be easy to "certify" a pharmacy as "nic-free FDA rated" and qualify for reimbursements solely on this rating.

Let's do the right thing and not send a mixed message. Pharmacies should not be able to make money from both the cure and the disease.

Horns up.

Bubblegoose is worldwide, baby.

2005-03-16T08:24:00.000-06:00

Someone must have read my blog about boxing the other day! Look here for evidence!

I still think it is a great idea. And I am pretty darn smart.

Horns up.

"Nerd City"

2005-03-16T07:20:00.000-06:00

... Just one of the many great nicknames given to me by sempai Scott. I did the nerd trifecta yesterday... I went to the video game store (EB), played Final Fantasy 7, and went to "nerd" City (aka Comic City). It really was a great time. A little about each (I am taking the day off from even trying to pretend that I am cool or grown up) ...

EB - I put a few more dollars down on my PSP. I am so psyched for it! The good news is that I am ahead of the curve for once... I will actually get my unit on the 24th. The demand is so high that a lot of those who pre-ordered have to wait for wave 2 or wave 3 of the release. So instead of getting the coolest gadget ever on March 24th, they have to wait until mid-April. Worse yet are those who have been saving their pennies but haven't pre-ordered. If you go in to most stores today to reserve a unit, you won't be guaranteed delivery until almost June! I have $120 towards my unit (half paid), $5 towards Metal Gear Acid, and $20 towards Ridge Racers (a killer racing game that shows off the system's abilities). Soon after launch, a few waves of games are releasing, including FIFA '05, which will be a must have. No word on the Compilation of Final Fantasy installments, or any worthwhile RPGs, but having one sports game, a racing game, and Metal Gear should be more than enough to kill my "free" time. Plus the PSP plays movies! I am sooooooo stoked!

Final Fantasy - FF7 and me have a love/hate relationship. I bought my first Playstation for the purpose of playing FF7 (after watching John play it, I knew that my 8 bit FF days were only a warm up for 7). The bad news is that FF7 was sold out where I bought my PS (used my Sears store credit card, so I was stuck getting games they had in stock). So I was bitter about not having FF7 for a looooong time. Then when I did get it, I was way too into it, and was shattered when Aeris was murdered. I quit playing it. I was soon addicted to FF Tactics anyway, and forgot all about FF7 (sort of). Because of the Aeris thing, I did not play 8 or 9, and X and X-2 are just sitting waiting for me to catch up with the series. Anyway, I started up FF7 again this year, and it is still as awesome as I remember. I actually enjoy it more now than when it was out. A lot of people can't get past the "bad" graphics... it's called make-believe people! :) I am 53 hours into the game, and almost to the third and final disc. I even have a Black Chocobo (soon to have Gold), and only those of you who know this game know how frustrating and fulfilling Chocobo farming is! As soon as I get the Gold Chocobo, and pick up a few secret items that only it can reach on the world map, I am off to assault the Junon Reactor, and steal a submarine! Its funny how much fun I have with this stuff at 30...

Comic City - I don't collect comics anymore ("they're called Graphic Novels!"), except for my manga (whole different deal). But I love to go to comic shops. They truly are a haven for those of us with a different worldview. I love to talk "nerd" with the guys that hang out there, even about stuff I don't care that much about anymore. We talk about video games, toys, the new Star Wars movie, and get into all sorts of fantastic arguments...

If the Rebels attacked the Federation (or, X-wings vs. Enterprise) who would win?
Is the Simpsons better than Family Guy?
What was the worst movie last year?
Can computers really become so smart that they could take over the world?
Is time travel possible?
Who is hotter: Xena, Lara Croft, or Catwoman?

And so on. Its a great place for me to get people into my obscure movies and hobbies (I like to recommend anime to guys, and even talked one guy into buying a PSP so we can play the EA games against each other). I also get to see clips from underground/cult movies that I wouldn't normally see (my favorite is the Star Wars Christmas Special), and get to play video games against people (something I miss from dorm/Colorado days). The best are the near fist fights that start over Tekken, Dead or Alive, Hot Shots Golf, and NFL Street. Nope, nothing beats grabbing a soda and going to the comic store once a month to put my finger on the pulse of wasted life. I mean that in a good way.

Plus I always leave feeling very smart, grown up, and in shape.

Horn's up!

PS - The significance of "EA" games on PSP is no different than on any other system really, except they are fully supporting network/wireless play from the get-go. Also, they are incorporating a new feature in their PSP games... Owned Mode. If you play against another human, the person who loses has the word "Owned" burnt into their data. The only way to lose it is to beat someone else. Genius idea!

2005-03-14T07:12:00.000-06:00

Okonomiyaki! And I helped! It is a delicious Japanese dish, often comapred to a pizza or pancake. It isn't like either, but it was fun to make and more fun to eat. This one has salmon and katsuobushi. Horns up!

God help me, I love it so...

2005-03-12T18:47:00.000-06:00

Have you seen the new reality show, The Contender? It is really good. Well, I should say the boxing is good. For those of us who like boxing, the show is great because the fights are real. And in the world of boxing, the hardest thing to find is a true boxing match that doesn't feel fixed like 'rasslin.

I have always thought it is interesting how men usually like boxing, and those who do not dislike it due to the fact it seems rigged, they don't like sports at all, or they prefer a sport with more strategy or teamwork. Now women, in general, seem to dislike boxing. And most of those that I have spoke with seem to dislike it because of the violence. Is this a feature of our genetic makeup? Or is it a societal feature?

Boxing, to me, seems like the purest type of sport. Two participants enter with a fair playing field, and very little chance for luck to present itself in the form of a trump. They use their brawn and brains and speed to win, and in the end, it is clear who is the best. Well, if you trust the judges' scoring anyway. In other sports, there are more technical rules, and more chances for fate to intervene.

But boxing lately has been anything but pure. It is better known for the over-hyped PPV matches, with the undercards being more fun to watch than the title fights. There have been bizarre incidents from outside (the "fan man") and within (Tyson). There are infinite "alphabet" leagues, and no apparent system for ranking. Nor does there seem to be an understandable timetable for when matches will occur and who gets the next shot at the title.

I wish that boxing would unify into one popular league, and clean up a bit. I don't want Vegas interest completely out of it... because some of that glitz is a part of the mystique. But I would like to see there be a fan-friendly system of promotion through a round robin or tournament ladder system, with a title fight more often. If a fighter holds the belt, shouldn't he have to defend against challengers to stay on top? The current state of boxing, through the eyes of this casual fan, seems to be the opposite; they wait for a high profile title fight, televise the heck out of it, and then the winner retires as champ.

I'd like to see a boxer have to actually defend the title. Maybe every six months hold a tourney that yields a challenger to the title, then have a title fight. Or maybe yearly. The tournament ranking system for seeding and ultimately for challenger to the title would make for some high ratings TV! And some great guys-TV-night fun.

NBC is seeing lesser ratings than they hoped, and this makes me worry. They had 8.5 million viewers Monday night for the first episode. They had hoped that they would have Survivor and Apprentice type numbers. The problem is that they are going to lose a lot of viewers because it is boxing. And the show also suffers a little bit from some of the gamesmanship and posing. I love seeing the guys get at each other in what amounts to a boxing-camp, but the reality "game" aspects of the show detract from the natural drama. It seems forced. So the NBC show, while being fantastic, offends the reality-show crowd by being about boxing, and offends the boxing crowd by not being hard-core enough.

If they stick with it, and not pull the plug like they did on Last Comic Standing (another fun show that just didn't belong in that format on that channel), I bet we will see it evolve into a more refined product. I hope they stay away from the sappy "video from your family as a prize" crap, and stick to the great fights (which already seem to be edited a little too much).

It's a great show, with great fights, and a real Rocky/underground gym feel to it. Classy stuff. And as my brother says, its really cool how the suddenly slow-down the punches that connect. Watch it, and go Eastside!

Horns up.

PS - Sly is still cool, and still pretty ripped. Check him out in the ring as he spars!

Mail Bag Day, Mail Bag Day, C'mon Everybody it's Mail Bag Day!

2005-03-08T22:14:00.000-06:00

Some excerpts from unsolicited emails I get from this site:

"Your (blog) is my favorite site written by someone who hasn't realized that they are gay yet."

Mike_Knick says that like it is a bad thing. By the way, the NFL won't let you put "gay" on the back of a custom jersey. How lame is that?

"When do you find time to write all of this? What a fu**ing waste of time."

To quote Rocky Balboa "It's a livin'." Actually, I use it as a diary, and there is always time for metal health. Oh, and it takes longer to read random blogs and email insults than it does to write them. Thanks for the feedback D_Maul_281!

"You have turned your back of the Father of Creation. No matter what you and your cronies think that you know, you will never know truth. Science is an illusion, and your soul is in jeopardy. Repent now and turn from your sinful pride and trust in the Devil's knowledge."

What? The sender's name is livin4him2001. By "him" is he making a reference to the metal band HIM (His Infernal Majesty), because although they rock very hard, it makes the rest of his comments a bit confusing... Write again, fellow rocker! Actually, I haven't turned my back on anyone or anything. I am doing something that more Christians should do... I am taking stock of my beliefs and holding my self accountable for them on every level; which includes questioning all of my beliefs. I am searching for truth, after all.

"What is your fascination with Japan? Are you unhappy with being American?"

No, Wildcat_Alumni_Jess, I am not upset that I am an American. I just love Japan, and in many ways, large parts of my heart and imagination are forever linked to Japan and its richness of art, tradition, culture, and language. And let's not forget Japan's beautiful citizens.

"I have read your blog off and on for the last year... at times it seems as if your auditioning for a job as a writer, at other times all you do is mope around and talk about troubles. You seem to not realize how much time you waste on the same issues. Over and over... just be funny more often."

I guess the stuff I think is fun and funny is coming off as annoying or offensive to others. Sorry! But thanks for reading. I read your site too LisaH. Good luck with your field hockey!

"Between defending homosexuals and attacking Jesus, you haven't much of a life do you? It is sad to see a young person so lost and misled."

I am defending homosexuals because they are being unfairly treated in the USA. I don't attack Jesus. I love Jesus. Its the misguided and insincere actions of his Christians that upset me. I have a hard time reconciling the Jesus I see painted in the Bible and the Jesus that is being sold to me by people who are less than honest about their beliefs and actions. The church breaks my heart at times. In the end, dialogue is good, isn't it? SharonnPhilKC, thanks for writing anyway.

"We are looking for a silent partner for a series of business transactions... we want to transfer $25 million to the United States for a business venture and need an American bank account to conduct business from..."

Yeah, right. What? Really? Umm, okay. My bank account information is on the way!

"Your blog sucks."

Sorry mom.

Horns up!

Today's Box Score: Japan 2 runs 1 error, GOP 0 runs 3 errors

2005-03-07T20:30:00.000-06:00

Wow, what a day to come off my blogging vacation. I'll see how quickly I can do this...

Japan: Borders is now carrying untranslated manga. How sweet is that? Now I can buy titles that are not available domestically from major Japanese publishers without using the 'net! The bad side is that their selection is a little weak, and to my untrained eyes (more on that next), it looks like they bloated their inventory a little bit. At $12.99 a shot, they stand to lose some money with the four shelves of books they have. I just don't see a huge demand for it here... yet. But bring on Armored Alchemist baby!

My untrained eyes: I got contacts today. Killer. The new Jan Brady is here! My prescription changed, as I suspected. So I have these "training" lenses in that are better than no help, but worse than my old glasses. So Not only am I getting used to contacts (my eyes feel gummy all day), I can't see so well. Fun!

Japan: Okonomiyaki is great! I recently learned of this dish from a manga, so I got a recipe, went to Aki's Japanese grocery store, and made some. It is fantastic! I made it with salmon today, I can't wait to try it with more adventurous ingredients. Okonomiyaki is a griddle cake, like a cross between a pancake, an omelet, and a pizza. I love it so! And I also bought some killer onigiri sambei that may overtake saki ika for my favorite snack.

The GOP: They suck. They called my house 3 times today! They have my wife's name because she is a registered member. They had this whole script about Bush rolling out some new legislation that needs support and money. I could care less, except after I explained that my wife was the Rep and that they should call when she is home, and that I am a registered Dem I figured that was that. Then the second call came. The same script is being read by a different guy, and I stop him. I try to be cordial, and not make it sound like I am only bothered because I am not a Rep, but I ask a little more strongly that if we are to remain on the call list, to try back LATER THAN 5 PM. Half hour passes... ring! Third time. This time I unload on the guy and tell him I don't know how they won the white house when they can't even coordinate a phone campaign. He asks if I am Rep, and I tell him no. He apologizes and asks "what issues are you at odds with us on, because as you may have noticed in the last election..." I interrupt and hang up. Did I say they called 3 times? Because I lie... I got a fourth call, but this one was to apologize. And, apparently, to try to probe my anti-Rep feelings once again... I go with it this time for a while, then just get bored, and bow out of the call. What a way to interrupt my day! The GOP sucks. Actually, anyone who calls me when I don't want a phone call sucks, it just happened to be the GOP this time. :)

Japan: Here is the error Japan earned... they won't let Bobby Fisher leave their country. Being a chess enthusiast, I have followed this story with some measure of anger. It's not that Fisher is being detained (it is his own egotistical fault), but that Japan just doesn't send him to the US already to face his charges. Violating passport etiquette is a serious thing these days, so I can understand why they may be stalling, but they have held him for 8 months. The guy is a chess player, not Osama Bin Lauden.

One last thing, Mel Gibson is re-releasing a re-mixed version of his re-telling of the crucifixion of Christ. Great! Make that money, yo. If money makes a man strange, Mel's gots to be crazy! The movie will not die, like a thorn in my ______ (fill in your own area here). Not only was it not good, or accurate, it has become a cultish fad. I am surprised by Christians' devotion to this movie. I guess this whole phenomena is only warm up for the Christian answer to Lord of the Rings, that is, CS Lewis' Narnia books. They are becoming movies soon. And don't think that the Jesus army won't mobilize for this one too. American Christianity has become strange in recent years, and I am finding myself more and more in a position where I do not know where I fit in it. Weird as in the odd parasitic activity it displayed with Creed, Divinci Code, and Lord of the Rings. Weird as in the ground-swell allegiance to pseudo-Christian fiction like Left Behind. Weird as in the strange shift in focus by the Protestant church to "worship" oriented services and "purpose" oriented programs. Weird as in the, as I see it, un-Christian demand for Christian government. I could go on and on, but I just don't have this all sorted out enough to talk about it. Besides, all I wanted to originally comment on is Gibson making a billion more dollars, and that I expect this sort of marketing to happen EVERY EASTER until the imaginary rapture happens. Trust me, it won't be like you think... Kirk Cameron will having nothing to do with it.

Horns up.

Correction... sweeeeet!

2005-03-03T12:28:00.000-06:00

My adjusted grade for Physiology was a 70%. A few of the questions were graded incorrectly. Go me! A C is much easier to live with than a D. My man is on a comeback! (of underwhelming sorts)

Horns up.

Kid Mao-carus (aka Icar-l)

2005-03-01T07:36:00.000-06:00

I scored somewhere in the 60's on a physiology test that I was well prepared for, and had a good grasp on the material. I even tried to study in a different way, taking the advice of sempai Sara and sempai Scott. Have my current testing woes been isolated failures, or is my quest for higher education exposed me as an intellectual fraud? Have I become a poor test taker, or, like Icarus, have I tried to soar too close to the sun by pursuing pharmacy?

In all of mythology, Icarus has always been my favorite character, because he best represents the sort of experiential greed that many of us have. We overstep our bounds, assuming (or hoping) that there is more to us than we know. Sometimes you come up with a suprising result (like scoring in the 99th percentile nationwide on the PCATs), and sometimes you struggle with a class that you should be getting an A in (it's an undergrad level class after all).

Oh well, back to the drawing board for Pathology (a class I am at least not embarassing myself in). BTW, I know I am going to be a good pharmacist, and I know this material way better than my tests are letting on. It would just be nice to see the grades reflect it...

2005-02-25T09:56:00.000-06:00

Be sure to obey!

Kenneth Arnold started it, Richard Dreyfuss made it believable, David Duchovny made it a cult, and Will Smith made it all awful to watch

2005-02-24T19:59:00.000-06:00

Well, ABC did it. They aired a 2 hour, prime-time program about UFO’s. They surprising thing to me is not that they aired it, but that they trotted it out in a pseudo-scientific format, with credible journalist Peter Jennings as host.

I have a cursory interest in these sorts of things, because…

a) I was a pretty big sci-fi nerd when I was younger
b) I used to just accept that UFOs exist
c) UFOlogy is closely tied to Christianity

“What?” you ask when you read c). Let me explain.

Both Christianity and UFO lore are fiercely supported by believers, and mocked by disbelievers. Both Christianity and UFO make outrageous claims about science, but neither is founded in or dependant on science. Neither has smoking gun evidence that they do exist. Both rely heavily on eyewitness accounts. Both continue to find support in each new decade. Both find themselves at once the subject of debate, ridicule, and dangerous cults. And, both frustrate detractors to no end, because no amount of scientific data can disprove the theories, or remove the myth/religion from the mind of man.

We’ll deal with religion in many other entries, but I do want to talk shortly about UFOs. Seeing is believing, as they say, but there are so many who believe who have not seen. Is this safe? Is it valid? And is it even worth looking into? Can’t we just let UFO buffs exist happily without trying to unweave their rainbows (to borrow Richard Dawkins’ brilliant book title).

UFO lore is steeped in conspiracy theories; some so deep and convoluted that there is no way to possibly have a lucid debate over the existence of UFOs. The official position of the US Government is that they do not investigate UFO activity. So if the government is not worried about our air space being compromised, then maybe there isn’t anything to the whole UFO thing, right?

Well, even the harshest skeptic will admit that the government isn’t exactly the most truthful organization. From the little truths and exposed cover-ups spring vast conspiracy theories. This was alive from day one in the UFO debate; stemming from the Roswell incident. A UFO crashed, we are told, on a rancher’s property. The Air Force immediately arrived to investigate. A military man mistakenly allowed himself to have himself photographed with the debris, allowing the press to say it was an UFO. Then came the immediate denial. And, as they say, we were off to the races.

The government’s dark side also helps feed some other weird theories. Is there a Hangar 18 or Area 51 where our secret government scientists study captured UFOs and aliens? Would we fund such a thing? Well, in the 1980’s, the government put a ton of cash into experimentation with remote sensing and ESP. This is documented, and in my opinion, very embarrassing.

The UFO phenomenon is so closely tied to the Cold War era, and all of its conspiracy, cloak and dagger, mass hysteria, and misinformation that it is hopelessly mired in the same troubles. For every proof against, there is a theory righting the counter-theory. So UFOs will always remain.

But should be wasting our time looking into it? It is already assumed that you are not going to convince UFO faithful that they are wrong. A lot of these people have seen things with their own eyes, and will accept no counter-theories. This stubbornness is only further fueled with corroborative reports from other people, and the occasional mysterious confirmation from within the military or government.

Much like Creationism and the notion of Christianity itself, there seems to be some driving need for the scientific community to address UFOs. The scientific community, being concerned with truth, is ultimately the best place to look into such phenomenon. But, I believe, it may be a waste of time. Are there questions science can not ask? No. Are there some they should not bother asking? Yes.

UFOs (and aliens) are so deeply ingrained in our popular culture, that it is a fire that will never be extinguished. It’s fun to think about mysterious otherworldly disks, and their extraterrestrial pilots. Hollywood makes great movies about UFOs, some campy, but others quite convincing. Then there are the comics, the books, TV shows, and the magazine articles.

As many sociologists have realized, the invention of accessible media (starting with the printing press) has undeniably changed human society. We are influenced constantly by messages that bombard us from every angle. Sounds and sights that are constantly available, humming away in every corner of our cities. Many of the messages that drive our cultures are latent; that is, they are embedded so deeply in urban folklore, fiction, and advertising that the sheer repetition begins to create amiability.

This has been studied with regard to attitudes on violence, sex, and religion. Influence weighs very heavy. This is why we see UFOs not being a fringe interest, but a part of popular myth. So much so, that the government has to constantly issue statements. So much so, that there is a new sighting every year that seemingly “blows the roof off” of the debate. So much so, that ABC gambled that a two-hour prime time spot would garner enough interest that it would make enough money to warrant showing (opposite of Survivor and The Apprentice by the way). So much so, that a respected and high profile journalist hosts the said show.

Science has so many better things to look into. UFO belief, other than possibly being falsehood, is somewhat harmless. It’s no secret that Americans have superstitious leanings, and that science is not exactly alive and well in the hearts of our citizens. Rather than fight this on every front, it is better to choose our battles. If we must do anything, we should stick to endeavors like SETI, which offer a logical and scientific way to ask questions and gather data. But SETI has yet to yield anything of interest in 40 years, and in the meantime it has lost all sorts of money and time.

There is nothing wrong with searching; it is healthy and rewarding. But science has so many better areas to point its resources. We still have a huge issue of human origins/evolution to iron out (which regardless of the opinion of many, has huge implications on human society, religion, and history). We also have diseases that we may be able to cure, a planet that we may finally be able to explore more fully (Mars), a vast ocean to navigate, environmental problems to solve, and so on. Science has a full plate, and there just doesn’t need to be room made for UFOs. Leave that to Art Bell, Star Trek, and armchair physicists.

So what I do I believe about UFOs? I am not sure. I don’t think I can come up with a hypothesis to help me decide. I’m pretty sure that eyewitness accounts are not entirely reliable (no matter how compelling). The photos and videos all have a hint of credibility trouble. I am also very aware of the fact that interstellar travel, by what we know about physics, just doesn’t seem to be probable. And furthermore, I am relatively sure that if there was something to it, that there would be some definitive proof by now. I could be wrong. But like fundamental Christianity, there just seems to be something that doesn’t jive with everything else we know, and begs a degree of healthy doubt.

So, its cool that ABC teased us all with the prospect of UFOs. It is a little odd that they would lend a little subliminal credibility to the theory by the way it was presented (if it was on Fox, hosted by Geraldo, we wouldn’t have had to even think twice about credibility). And science probably shouldn’t waste any real time or resources on trying to solve the question. But it is fun to think about. And it won’t go away any time soon.

Horn’s up.

PS – It was nice to see Michael Shermer on national TV. He is a bit sold-out to his causes, but he is a brilliant man, and is honestly concerned with understand the universe as it is, not as we see it, think it is, are told that it is, or want it to be. Shermer is one of the few people who I tend to lend some credibility to (but even then I check his sources from time to time). :)

It's like nerd catnip. (part 2 of the ongoing "catnip" theme)

2005-02-22T10:27:00.000-06:00

You know you are jealous! It's my newest treasure... a lovely old-freakin'-school PS2 controller. Isn't she lovely? Other than the ergonomic backside and the lighted buttons, it is just like the old NES controller (or "paddle" if you are totally old school). Pretty flippin' sweet. Its like I am back playing Kid Icarus and Nobunoga's Ambition all over again... Horns up!

Now Playing on 102.5 FM KARL

2005-02-18T10:07:00.000-06:00

Today's post may be a little heavy for some of my regular readers, so I decided to add a little recap of what is pumping out of the world's greatest radio station. FYI, the Nomad has 4000 songs on it now, and STILL has over half it's space left (just over 20 GB free out of 40 GB).

If anyone wants to email me any cool songs in WMA or MP3 format, to add to the station's library, feel free to!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Currently Playing:

The Anchor Song - Bjork

Last Dozen Songs:

You - Bad Religion
Aeroplane - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Whispering Weeds - Frank Black
Little Suzi - Tesla
I Want You to Die - Mondo Generator
'03 Bonnie & Clyde - Jay-Z and Beyonce
I'm the One - Van Halen
The Politics of Time - Minutemen
100 Years - Masters of Reality
Use Me - Bill Withers
Fade to Black - Metallica
Pork Roll Egg and Cheese - Ween

Horns up!

It's like gay catnip.

2005-02-18T09:12:00.000-06:00

I haven't talked about homosexuality in a while, so I thought I would bring it up. There seems to be a couple of big stories out there about the whole "gay" debate. I'll address each thing separately, to try my hardest to keep myself from rambling all over the place! : )

#1 - Epidemic

I heard a report today that there is a new epidemic in the gay community. It isn't AIDS, that is already a problem. It isn't complacency to AIDS, that has also been a problem for too long. It isn't even the new strain of AIDS that is being discovered... that is disconcerting, but not yet epidemic. No, the new epidemic is crystal meth. I was shocked to learn this.

It isn't that drug use by homosexuals is shocking. They are, despite the theories of some, average American human beings... and like it or not, America is a drugged up country. Drug use is high, no pun intended. If you are into tracking such things, you will notice that the rise of meth is at epic proportions in many areas of the nation. So why wouldn't this abuse be evenly distributed among homosexual populations?

As a humorous aside, the thing that shocked me was that the homosexual community would be in for such a dirty drug. We are led to believe in certain stereotypes about homosexuals; in the 70's they were the free-love, disco, and cocaine crowd. In the 80's I think they were portrayed as much of the same, but with pills and different music. In the 90's, we start to get the message that homosexuals are immaculate in dress and culture, politically active, and that they are all whistle-clean from top to bottom (some even desiring to settle down and raise a family). The party image was wearing off.

A counter-stereotype being portrayed is the toothless, unbathed, NASCAR paraphenalia owning, white-trash crank-head. But, as I spoke about in a previous post, this image is not accurate. The rednecks of the world are not the only ones clamoring for an easy-to-make and cheap high. But for some reason, I can't reconcile this truth in my mind. It seems so dirty to huddle over a scorched wad of aluminum foil to inhale fertilizer, rat poison, and other grade A ingredients. At least cocaine has a false air of decedent sophistication to it. It is easier to think of meth users in terms of trailer parks, weekly rental hotels, and decomissioned school buses (places where you wouldn't expect to find a homosexual... by stereotype anyway).

All musing aside, another interesting fact is that the reason that this rise in gay meth use is being reported is because of the fear that high gay men will forget about the dangers of AIDS when they hook up. It seems as if only the gay brain is capable of being wiped clean via meth, and it seems as if once again, gay men are the cause and vector for AIDS.

I think this shows an ignorance on the media and in Americans in general. ANYONE under the influence of a recreational drug (from beer to heroin) is in danger of losing decision making abilities. Consequences are not the first thing on your mind when you are high. That being said, since when does being high have to do with making bad choices in the sack? I know any number of people that let sense go out the window when it comes to hooking up with someone of the opposite sex. Complacency to AIDS, and every other STD, is a real problem regardless of sexual orientation and inclination towards drug use. Trying to shame the gay public with this story may be just another tool used in the organized campaign against homosexuals. I don't mean this in the "vast right-wing conspiracy" way, but in the truthful and obvious wave in America that is fighting to inhibit homosexuality on the basis of morality and "family." Just something to think about.

#2 - Simpsons go gay

I knew that this coming weekend's Simpson's episode was on its way. It is the big "gay marriage" episode. And Conservatives are already gearing up to complain about it. It will be the focus of a story tonight on ABC's (or was it CBS...) nightly news show. The teaser commercial asked "is this funny, or is it a case of Hollywood just not getting it?" I'll answer. Its funny. Not only is it funny, IT HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE! The Simpsons has never been shy to be controversial. There have been numerous episodes that homosexuality was the core of the plot. Homer has even shared at least two on screen gay kisses. It is a comedy that attacks and embraces people from all groups, so of course they would eventually address gay marriage. Again.

And secondly, what is Hollywood "not getting?" Is "America" sick of Hollywood pushing its agenda on us? As we saw in the last election, apparently Hollywood doesn't have the influence that we like to think they have. Is it that we are sick of the perpetual presentation of homosexuality on TV, leading to increasing acceptance? I don''t know about you, but I see the opposite happening. I see it being very fashionable to stand against homosexuality. America is becoming very complex in its polarization. At once we have violence and sex being portrayed in increasing frequency and intensity, and yet we are backing up into the morals of our forefathers at the same time.

This could elicit a long, rambling commentary, so I will back off for now. But I just don't understand what the big deal is. I feel as if the teaser was saying "Why doesn't Hollywood quit trying to sell us homosexuality?" when homosexuality pre-dates the so-called permissive culture that we have today. Hollywood is more or less a whore for what the public wants. There are very few TRUE Hollywood producers and studios that want to offend people or buck the system. Don't confuse Hollywood with maverick auteurs and independent filmmakers. Hollywood's livelihood rests in reflecting the attitudes and values of their viewers, and catering to their every whim. If there was not a demand to see homosexuality portrayed in humorous or dramatic situations, then it would not be shown.

Just be careful not to fall for this sort of thing. Don't let the media (who used to be called the "liberal" news media) make something an issue just to fill time. If you weren't worked up before about gay marriage, or the Simpsons, then don't get worked up now. Nothing has changed.

And to sum things up, I'll quote Marge Simpson; "as long as two people love each other, who cares if they have the same hoo-hoo or haa-haa?" : )

Horns up.

Random anecdote #2: Viddy well, oh my brothers, and learn of my droogs.

2005-02-17T08:01:00.000-06:00

There are a lot of great stories out there about a man and his relationship with his friends. This is not one of them.

As hard as it is for me to admit, much of who I am is due to the influence of others. So who made Carl? There is the obvious scapegoat, society (aka, the times I grew up in), and the next likely source of influence would be my parents. But a person’s friends make a great deal of difference in personality and destiny. In my case, my friends probably played a larger role in making me "me" than any other influence.

I have always been very reliant on my friends, and as little as I tend to like masses of people, I love interacting with individuals. The lowest points of my life have all been when I had the least friends about me, and the thing that has kept me going is the times when I either reconnected with an old friend, or made a new one.

So rather than focus on one anecdote, I want to tell a few short stories about things that I have experienced with my friends… and maybe give you all a who’s who list of the people that helped build Carl. This isn’t everyone, just those that are easier to write about. I didn't write about Sandy, because that is way to complicated for ths post. And I didn’t write about my brother, because you can read his blog and the papers if you want to know about him. :) All you need to know is "proof of cricketing."

Steve G.: a neighbor, classmate, and a kid that valued imagination as much as I did. He also seemed to have the coolest kid stuff. He had a ton of Star Wars toys, an Atari, a TV with access to MTV, a pool, a VCR (Beta, but it was still a VCR), and a ton of Dungeons and Dragons supplies. Steve had a knack of being up for about anything. We were constantly playing war, waffle-ball, Nintendo, or some sort of role playing game. I spent every day playing with Steve from 2nd grade to early high school.

Mark T.: perhaps the richest kid in our gang. He was equally cool, and very smart to boot. He was talented at sports, and sort of introduced a lot of physical activity to us all. His mom was German, and sort of liberal, so I also had a lot of access to R movies and such. I saw my first movie-boobs at his house one Friday (it was on the movie “Private School”). It was cool to learn about Germany (to which he had visited a few times… lucky!), and to find at any early age that the USA is not the only country in the world. When Mark got his car, things really took off for us all. Mark also had a killer sense of humor, and a lot of my sense of comedy probably comes from the constant joking around our group was involved in.

Kevin T.: As we grew into teens, I started hanging out with Kevin (or Kev-bo). He was into hunting, fishing, hockey, baseball, and Nintendo. And he was the first in our group to have an exaggerated sense of testosterone driven ego… which was a lot of fun. Kevin made the rest of us make “scammin’ on chicks” a priority. Plus, he was way into Def Leppard, which rocked. When things turned “churchy” late in high school, Kevin was a willing participant in youth groups and summer camps, which made some miserable times pretty cool.

Matt B.: Matt and I were best friends in high school, and continued to be close in college. We had a two-man gang that ruled FCC, Foodland, NCC, and low areas of Kanesville. We ate and drank ourselves stupid, listening to Steve Miller, King’s X, and Swirling Eddies. We played softball and basketball anywhere we could, and fancied ourselves to be rock stars in the making. We were together for a lot of crazy times, and there was a long stretch of time when we didn’t go a day without doing something together. And, we both had a cynical view on life that made for some interesting fun. Tooling around CB in the souped up Falcon, or hauling our way down 275 in the Maverick were the best of times. Matt even introduced me to Sandy. Matt returned to CB, and is even the children’s minister at my church now… but we just have never found a way to reconnect. I miss those days a lot.

Nate P.: Meeting Nate and college probably saved my sanity. He was at once dedicated to Christianity, but also had a zeal for the fun things in life. He too liked Nintendo, movies, Monty Python, U2, and eventually, Ren and Stimpy. I tried to explain Nate to a pharmacist friend of mine, and she said “it must be cool to have a friend who gets so excited about things.” And that pretty well described Nate. Our tastes may not always be similar, but when they match, it is nice to have a friend who can appreciate every little detail to an obsessive level. Nate is one of my few friends that can appreciate a movie on several levels, and at the same time be able to set aside what is going on superficially. Nate is best described by one word, “fun.” If I had two, they would be “pickle bus.”

Carlin S.: Carlin, like Nate, helped me through NCC. I have a hard time putting into words what our friendship is like, but without her, a lot of my college experience would have been pretty drab. Carlin was the first person I met in Norfolk, a year before I started college. She was huge in helping me refine my tastes in music, movies, and subculture. She never laughed at me (to my face) for the open flannel shirt and torn jeans, and she was a willing cohort on any concert trip to Omaha. I can remember the day when I thought I would never see her again; we dropped her off at some strange guy’s house in Omaha so she could hitch a ride to TX for a concert! She was just out there like that. And it was fun to be around her. She was witty, creative, and well read (which is about a billion times more than I can say for anyone who has been home-schooled). I will say that Carlin is one of those terminally cool people who can’t help but be hip, but I wouldn’t say that she is one of these shallow people who is forever chasing after being up with the sub-culture Jones’. And, like most of my friends who are great (if not quirky) people, life still owes her a break or two. Carlin is definitely a part of the Carl mythos, and our friendship is just too hard to put into words.

Paul S.: Paul is my intellectual rock. Getting to know Paul changed my NCC experience in a meaningful way; he got me to use my natural critical thinking and focus on higher purposes. Not that he wasn’t about fun either (we talked about Star Wars like every day), but what I cherish most is his intellect. Of all of my NCC friends, it was hardest to adjust to life “outside” without him around. Along with Paul, I started the Bubblegoose years ago as an email newsletter. Since, he has grown into an amazing writer and excellent preacher. His blog (Paul’s Ponderings) is a fantastic resource for those looking for a little pick me up when it comes to faith. And above all, Paul is an honest Christian. I do not think that there are many of those out there. He is honest with himself and others about questions, strengths, and weaknesses of the faith. While he comes from a strong Christian family, to me he is perhaps the one person I most fell has developed a personal relationship with God on his own. Not that others I know haven’t, but Paul has sound theology, a science-like approach to faith, and an inspired insight to the Gospels. He will be a great teacher and writer on faith matters. And it stinks that we aren’t closer. Oh, and no one can defeat us at Axis and Allies when we are on the same side. Paul is in seminary now, and I can’t wait to see what life has in store for him next!

Mike W.: Mike was my first friend in Colorado (well, other than Daniella, but that is a long, painful story). That is sort of hard to admit, because he was not only one of my students, he was about 10 years younger than me. But Mike was like a brother and a friend at once. I’d take his company over that of an adult any day. We would spend countless days goofing around outside and in. We would invent outlandish rules for indoor waffle ball, play basketball, talk about movies and music, drive all over Denver, eat anything that got in front of us, and play every dirt-ball putt-putt course we could find. To this day when I get a good anime DVD, see a cool Japanese product, a decrepit putt-putt course, or hear a good album, I say “I wish Mike was around.” The scary thing is, he and my brother got along too. Mike is the missing Smith brother. And, Mike was about the same level of sense of humor as me. We laughed at the same stuff. It pleased me to no end to hear that he too has found the joys of Kung Pow and Shaolin Soccer, without my influence. If we ever get back together, there will be no Mr. Goodcents left unvisited.

Rich W.: Mike’s brother Rich was similarly Carl-like. Mike introduced us, and we became best of friends. Rich is the one person I will probably make a future relocation decision based on his whereabouts. What’s so great about Rich? What isn’t? He was into a lot of the same stuff as me, had an edgy sense of humor, dedicated to the church, loved video games, and enjoyed movies as much (if not more) than I did. Rich, along with his roommate at the time (John), helped me to grow up, and hone my wit and humor. They gave me an audience. : ) But that trivializes the friendship we have. Rich and I connect on a certain level that is just something that doesn’t happen too often in life. We are different in a lot of ways, yet we both know where the other one is coming from. When I was the subject of what I saw as a character assassination, Rich was family to me when I needed more that a friend. When I was just looking for a place to be myself, Rich was there. And when I needed someone to eat awesome Mexican food with, Rich was there. I think Rich is the best of my “droogs.”

Horns up!

The Scopes-Liger Trial (The People vs. N.Dynamite)

2005-02-16T10:20:00.000-06:00

Hola! I saw a great episode of the TV show King of Queens the other day. The sub-plot was about how the live-in father-in-law (Arthur) had just read his first Peanuts comic strip, and he was outraged... because he thought that Charles Shultz stole his life and used it as the basis of Charlie Brown. The weird conspiracy theory that he develops was just too funny...

... funny except for the fact that it made me realize that Napoleon Dynamite was stolen from my life. Yeah right, me and every other odd-ball teen. Below is the summary of evidence for and against a killer conspiracy. Idiots...

Pro - I used to waste entire days sketching fantasy animals and such
Con - Napoleon managed to get a date to the school dance
Pro - I was fascinated with things like bo staffs and sai
Con - Napoleon learned how to dance
Pro - I owned a crappy 10-speed bicycle that I used to get around town
Con - Napoleon rode the bus
Pro - I once gave an embarassing dungeon & dragons based speech to my class
Con - Napoleon knew sign language

Pro - I lived in a dirt-ball town
Con - Napoleon was a FFA member
Pro - I was also addicted to nachos as a teen
Con - Napoleon had an older brother
Pro - I wore hopelessly tacky and ugly clothes
Con - Napoleon had a creepy uncle that lived with him
Pro - I was (and still am) a hopeless clutz
Con - Napoleon likes to fish

Pro - I have a creepy uncle that makes a living off of crazy sales scams
Con - Napoleon had a pet llama
Pro - I got bullied a lot in Jr. High and early High School
Con - Napoleon had "fish mouth"
Pro - I used to scam extra food off people in the cafeteria
Con - Napoleon smuggled food into class
Pro - I spent a lot of time obsessing over "skills" (I was a big role playing game nerd)
Con - Napoloen was a little too into unicorns

Pro - I had chronic bad hair (from" greasy part" look to the classic "CB mullet")
Con - Napoleon had a perm
Pro - I had a quirky, "outsider" friend... actually a bunch of them
Con - Napoleon's friend was Hispanic
Pro - I spent a lot of time in my room
Con - Napoleon had an actual room. My room was a clearing in the basement
Pro - I was angry at the world too
Con - Napoleon was not obsessed with heavy metal

Well, as you can see, the jury is out. Is Carl the basis for Napoleon Dynamite? Or, is he just a giant nerd whose every trait holds true to the nerd archetype? Don't answer that.

Horn's up.

The paths of glory lead but to the grave.

2005-02-14T08:59:00.000-06:00

“If they won’t face German bullets, they’ll face French ones!” (Paths of Glory)

I recently had the chance to re-watch a classic Kubrick movie, “Paths of Glory.” The movie centers around WWI, a horrible and tremendously violent period of modern history. The plot concerns a General who is up for an accommodation and promotion, who orders a unit to advance on an impossible goal, in hopes of garnering further favor from his superiors. When the maneuver unavoidably fails (leaving half of the unit dead, and the rest to retreat back into their trenches), he gets caught up in the tidal pools of his own ambition. He orders his own artillery to fire upon the trenches to force his men forward into enemy territory (and likely, death). The mission fails, the men stay put, and the artillery commander refuses the order. To cover up what happened, and to clear his reputation with his superiors, the General orders that men from the unit stand trial for cowardice, and face a firing squad.

One of the more annoying clichés to spew out of Hollywood is that all war movies are essentially anti-war movies. That simply is not so. And the underlying reason this Hollywood myth is incorrect speaks volumes about the American misunderstanding of (and latent lust for) violence.

Take a classic like Kubrick’s “Paths of Glory.” There is a scene where French troops are advancing against all hope across dead-man’s land (the area of land between the trenched of two warring parties). As the explosions occur and the sound of bullets whiz about, you wish with your entire heart that the men make it to safety. Alas, they do not. Many die(needlessly); each death a waste.

Now compare that to the slick action scenes of a modern film like “Windtalkers” or “Pearl Harbor,” pseudo-war films such as “Rambo” or “Navy SEALs,” or the sappy “war is hell” old-school war films such “Battlefield!” or “The Flying Leathernecks.” In those films, there is a certain delight taken in the scenes of battle. War, in these movies, is thrilling. It serves as an easy and titillating way to demonstrate conflict (and conflict is what all stories, war or not, are about). Even the well-done war-time adventure epics, such as “Ice Station Zebra,” “Guns of Navarone,” and “Tora, Tora, Tora” are guilty of glorifying the struggles, lives, and deaths of soldiers at war.

The truth is this; the madness of war is often glorified or trivialized by the Hollywood movie factory. Often, even a true anti-war movie is looked upon as a classic due to the interest in the choreographed action. The appeal of such movies is similar to the appeal of the awful gore-films that draw horror fans, even when they are devoid of plot or any value as cinematic art.

Another Kubrick film, “Full Metal Jacket,” and the hard-to-peg “Apocalypse Now” both serve as examples of this. Both movies have very harsh volleys to level at the culture of violence and warfare. They both expose the horror, uselessness, and insanity of man’s war on fellow man. Yet both are greedily ingested by those who love a good war film. How either film could be seen as “cool” is beyond me. Both are great movies, but not “cool.”

Holywood’s shameless use of war to thrill and provide easy setting for storytelling goes as far back as filmmaking itself. People want to see struggle, they do not want to think, and they way to see clearly marked sides (good vs. evil). From the slaughter of countless American Indians in Westerns, to the dispatching of countless Germans in WWII flicks, we see soldiers in film as props. Occasionally we lament their lost (“why did it have to be Johnny?”), but often even the loss of a developed character is used as another cheap plot element. In lieu of having anything new to say about war, we tell the same stories over and over again. So why do people keep watching war pictures? Because the thrill is in the battle. The thrill is in the ever increasing special effects. The thrill is in the curiosity of death, the horror of seeing the mortality of other men, and the victory that comes with survival.

In real life, soldiers are probably a lot less willing to see themselves used as props to amuse theater-goers. Every life lost in real war is a tragedy, whether it be German, Cherokee, Japanese, French, Soviet, or American. John Steinbeck set out to demonstrate the humanity of all of war’s pawns in his book “The Moon is Down.” The young Nazi soldiers were no different than any others… pawns in a power struggle controlled by puppet-masters locked safely away, far from battle. The book so blurred the lines of good struggling against evil (after all, all Nazi soldiers were soulless, demons… right?), that the book and its movie were unofficially banned. At the least, they were culturally blackballed (as the Dixie Chicks were shortly after 9/11 for sharing views that years later were heard resonating from many mouths in the media).

This is why it is so hard to watch the opening of “Saving Private Ryan,” and similarly hard to watch a piece of crap like “Platoon.” Because the first lays bare the incredible, unavoidable, and senseless loss of battle, while placing real faces, names, and lives to the heaps of flesh and olive drab cloth that litter the beaches and fields. And because the other trivializes the sacrifice and valor shown by those who did fight, and who did fall for causes just and unjust.

Just something to think about before you pick up your next action DVD or first-person shooter video game. War is real men, with real loves, real dreams, real families, and real talents being sent out to kill one another or die. Nothing to be taken lightly, and surely nothing we should take delight in; on-screen or otherwise.

“Colonel Dax, your men died very well.” (Paths of Glory)

Horn's up.

Random Anecdote Number One: She Gets High

2005-02-10T10:56:00.000-06:00

For the next few entries, I am going to resort to a timeless tactic for the unimaginative... well, for those more imaginative than the "meme" crowd anyway. I am going to type up a few anecdotes from my life, and maybe that will make someone smile, or at least let you get to know me a little better.

And as always, as stated in the play/movie Search and Destroy, "Just because it happens to you, it doesn't mean that it is interesting."

START ANECDOTE

I have been a Doors fan pretty much from birth. You had to be growing up with my father. He wasn't a rocker or a music scene insider, but he represents a certain vibe from the Midwest... Hank Williams (Sr. and Jr.), Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, CCR, the Doors, Paul Revere and the Raiders, Santana, and Steppenwolf play a huge role in this vibe.

Anyway, from as far back as I can remember, my father was pumping "Riders on the Storm" out of his Vietnam-bought stereo and reel-to-reel system in our basement. It was like life would stop when that song was on. He was always saying "just listen." He really taught me that some songs have souls of their own, and deserve your full attention (and need played loud). And, he also did this because even as a child I talked way too much, and he needed a break from my incessant rambling.

So, I became a Doors fan (and still am). My brother, who is five years younger than me, was subjected to the exact same conditioning exercise. I think that we had LA Woman memorized before we knew anything about multiplication tables, the Civil War, or food pyramids.

Fast forward to just a few years ago. I had recently became the owner of a Nebraska furniture Mart credit card, and I wanted to get serious about building the ultimate CD collection. There are so many albums that Mark and I have owned, sold, traded, and lost that it was time for us to get serious and build a permanent, unified collection. Most of my "classics" were on record, and having recently went through a very turbulent time with moving, getting married, and being jobless, I had gotten rid of all of my records.

So I bought brand new CD copies of a lot of my records. The Doors catalog was one of the highest priorities. Upon listening to the first LP (called only The Doors), I was shocked when I listened to Break On Through...

A famous story in the rock and roll world is that Jim Morrison refused to take the word "higher" out of Light My Fire when he was on the Ed Sullivan Show (because society was having knee jerk reactions to anything that smelled like pro-drug counter culture). This stubbornness by Jim was fueled by a) his rampant drug abuse, b) his sense of artistic integrity, and c) the fact he was angry at the censorship of his music. The song The End had to have a portion of it changed to deemphasize an Oedipal moment about Jim's mother, including the F*** word.

So, while I was aware of the constant war between censors and Jim, I had no idea that at the end of Break On Through there was censorship. The part of the song where Jim yells "She gets! She Gets!" is actually edited from the actual tape of him yelling "She gets high! She gets hiiiiigh!"And on my new CD, they had restored the original master. I freaked out. I must have heard that song a million times before that day, and my ears were acute to any difference. To have this restoration of something I didn't know was missing to begin with was almost magical. It was like finding a lost song altogether, and it changed my waning impression of that single (it's one of my favorite tracks now).

I couldn't wait for my brother to hear it. I didn't want to tell him about it, I wanted him to hear it. I forget a lot of the specifics of the scenario, but I do remember putting the CD on when we were together. As it played through, I watched his face, waiting for the moment to come. His reaction was about the same as mine. We are, after all, probably the only two people that something like that means so much to anyway. We haven't really talked a lot about it since, but I think it is safe to say that when it comes to our shared music memory, the restoration of that tape will stand as one of our most cherished moments.

Unfortunately, Jim recorded in days when there wasn't a fantastic independent industry. These days there is almost too much independent music, but back then your livelihood as a recording artist (or even live act) rested on the record industry giants, the promotion of singles on rock radio (which doesn't exist anymore), and by playing the glad-hand game (see also Have a Cigar by Pink Floyd). Only the hardest core artists were involved in anything but the music industry's starmaking system.

The Velvet Underground is probably one of the few examples of a success story that bucked the system (so to speak). And even then, Jim spat in the face of their separatism and snobbery; he hated Andy Warhol and wasn't impressed in the least by Reed and his crew. New York was the enemy. Jim wanted the desert (figuratively and metaphorically). Jim also had a slight disgust at the top 40 set of the day (to Jim the Beatles and Rolling Stones weren't even on the musical radar). And where Jim dissed Warhol to his face, he readily wrapped an arm around John Fogerty and threw words of praise towards CCR. A great deal of my attitude comes from a similar distrust of things either too hip or too manufactured.

Screw Woodstock and its free love and mud pits ("your ballroom days are over, babe"); gimmie the floor of some dirty road-side biker bar and a bottle of Jack. Well, not me literally, but that is the thought process I go through. Jim was above all things REAL; something that dad,Mark, and I always put above all else. We have Jim Morrison in our blood. He's the patron saint of the Smith males in my fathers branch of the family.

Back to the record industry. Elektra, as it was, was actually the most receptive and liberal outlet for a band like the Doors. Elektra has a long standing history of being very good at identifying alternative acts and nurturing their creativity and eccentricity (Stooges, MC5, Love, Kyuss... need I say more?). Not bad for a company that was building its life on folk music. They tried their best to nurture Jim's whims (like the weird jazz-themed Soft Parade LP), and respect the right of expression regardless of controversy, supported the band even after legal problems, let the band record new material even after widespread tales of Jim's drug and alcohol problems (which will never be topped by another human being ever), and even allowed the Doors to try to carve out a career after Jim passed away (Two great albums that you probably don't know exist; one is called Full Circle, and the other is Other Voices). Elektra gave a voice to the underdog, gritty, counter-culture icons, and found a way to make money off of great singles, and timeless LPs.

For some reason, the radio stations will only play the old version of Break On Through. The old version is still great, but it seems fradulant and wrong in the face of the artist's original intention. Where Light My Fire was a love song that used "higher" in the context of love (e.g. cloud 9), Break on Through was a diatribe on the joys of chemical abuse. So to hear Jim yell "she gets high!" only solidifies the message of the song; giving it back its soul. Its the way Jim would have wanted it, had he been more savvy with dealing with the industry. And it is the only way it should be; it is, after all, rock and roll.

And it is this "rock and roll" that my dad, my brother, and myself have based our lives on. None of us rockers (well, maybe Mark is), but we all definitely have the notion of "real rock and roll " playing a large role in our worldviews. To this day, my activities slow to a stop when I hear either LA Woman or Riders on the Storm. Likewise, I slow to think about my family's unique view on life, and unique sense of enjoyment we get from a good tune. Its what makes us Smith males Smiths. We dig rock and roll. And it doesn't get any more rock and roll than the free speech, artistic expression, and plain old dirtiness of Jim Morrison singing "She gets high." Rock on!

Horns up.

My Own Private Lent (aka How to drive yourself crazy in college)

2005-02-09T15:01:00.000-06:00

Well, I may not be as smart as I had hoped. I already mentioned that I earned a 71% on a physiology test, but then I found out later that I earned an 80% on my pathology test. And I knew that pathology stuff in and out. So I am humbled and discouraged and angry and whatever other adjective you want to throw in there.

So I decided to "go monk" as Hansel would say. I am banning all meat (fish, poultry, beef, pork... you name it) until I get an "A" on a test. I took a test today in Pharmacy Management... if I get less than a B on it, I am going to include pop to the ban.

I want to be a good student as well as a good pharmacist, and I am struggling with the fact that they aren't always the same thing. There are people who are good at studying FOR a test, and there are those of us who are good at LEARNING. Stuff sticks with me, and I am able to apply my gained knowledge to creative problem solving and other such "real-life" endeavors... but it hasn't exactly shown in my grades since pharmacy school has begun.

So, no other comments today other than my public proclamation of Dummy Lent: the self prohibition of something you enjoy in order to focus attention on something else. We'll see if I become a vegetarian or not.

Horns up.

Catching Up and the Gooseys

2005-02-08T10:51:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone! What's new? Well, I am mid-way through an ugly week at school, so posts aren't exactly flying off the presses... but I thought I would catch up a little bit. Not much is new. My classes are off to a rough start, and I honestly have no idea what I am doing wrong. I pulled in a 71% on my physiology test, and that is with a ton of studying. I felt pretty confident about the material, and still do, yet it didn't translate to a decent test score. The killer thing is that other people did well, so it wasn't a case of an unfair or overly hard test. Maybe I am not as smart as I thought...

Anyway, I am still in awe that I am celebrating my one-year anniversary of blogging... so much has happened in the last year! So I am going to hand out some awards. Maybe I will do this annually, we can call them the Gooseys or something.

1) My man Rich. He had the Best Year Ever award. He went from confirmed bachelor and hockey fan for life to married, expecting, and without professional hockey to watch over the last 12 months.

2) I myself get the Rollercoaster award. I was denied entry to pharmacy school, then on the waiting list, then admitted all in the same summer. Talk about emotionally exhausting! I would have never recovered if it wasn't for the hard, patient work of five very close friends (three of which were relatively new friends too).

3) Best Day Ever award was a hotly contested award, but it is given to the day I spent having lunch at Delice last summer. It will go down as one of my top memories ever.

4) The Homemaking award goes to Mark, the king of weird living arrangements. Currently he resides in an abandoned day care that the city is threatening to use imminent domain to bulldoze it. More on that later (pictures to come).

5) The Biochemical award also goes to my brother for his experiments in the field of microbrewery, alcohol metabolism, and other such scholarly pursuits.

6) It may seem odd, but the Comedy award goes to Anna Niccole Smith for her "Like my body?" flame out at the Billboard awards. That will never not be funny to me.

7) The Natural Selection award goes to the Creighton sorority girl and her dirt-ball boyfriend who loaded up on meth and died of hypothermia this winter, dragging the local media with them. Way to go!

8) Best Movie Ever award goes to Napoleon Dynamite. This will go down as a classic in the vein of Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I like it more everytime I see it.

9) The Killer Tunes award went to The New Pornographers for their wicked awesome music. Remember, the Gooseys' only temporal requirement is when Carl comes into contact with it, not when it was originally introduced.

10) Epic DVD awards were given to Old Boy, Chappelle Show Season One, House of Flying Daggers, and Dr. Stranglelove SE this year. Aqua Teen Hunger Force swept all of the TV to DVD awards, and Bootleg of the Year went to the Korean copy of Eraserhead we procured.

11) Best Overheard Quote was a shoe-in; "Whoever invented cigarettes is, like, related to God!" Classic!

12) The Song that Makes Me Smile award was much anticipated, with so many great candidates. Attendees at the award ceremony wondered if it would be Float On by Modest Mouse (which Carl literally rushed out to buy the album of within 10 minutes of hearing), or maybe something retro (like the Talking Heads or QOTSA that Carl obsessively plays over and over and over...), but were shocked to find out that the winner was indeed What You Waiting For by Gwen Steffani. (That song put its hooks deep in my brain!)

13) The Constant Source of Amusing Stories award seemed like it should come Mark and his crew, or maybe even Creighton University, but it instead went to my niece Kaylee who is always coming up with something funny to do or say (she'll be 4 in March).

14) Best Animated Show Ever award was a no decision. Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Family Guy reruns, Super Milk Chan, Simpsons, and Samurai Champloo and others all fought a battle that saw no victor. Since when are animated shows the only ones worth my free time? TV has really started to suck.

15) Religious Experience of the Year was another hotly contested award. "Carl's participation in the Mass of the Holy Spirit won," but "seeing Shaolin Soccer" was a close second. "The Passion" demanded a recount, but still, no votes.

16) Man I Tried to Emulate award is a weird award, because I almost always seem to fail living up to even my own standards, let alone someone elses'. I think the award was given to a half-breed of Gandhi and Carl Sagan. There may be some John Stewart in there, but it is hard to tell with all of that contamination from every other source of inspiration in my life.

Other awards (given at a separate ceremony at an earlier date) include Best Manga Ever (Rurouni Kenshin), Origami Model of the Year (the Rooster), Electrical Device I Can;t Live Without (digital camera just barely edged out my Nomad MP3 Player), Portable Japanese Food of the Year (onigiri), Best Soda Ever (Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper), Inside Joke of the Year (ani me is teh suck.), Food so Good that it Should be Illegal (Gyros), Best Time Waster (PS2), Kanji of the Year (楽), disappointment of the Year (that I am so fat), and Re-donk-ulous Notion award (the idea that The Passion was a good evangelistic tool).

Oh, and in the top secret ceremony, awards were given for Favorite Person Ever, Best Way to Spend Free Time, Biggest Regret of the Year, and Song I Sang Too Much Outloud in My Car. But those awards are not for public knowledge.

Here's looking to next year, with a new Willy Wonka, a Hitchhiker's Guide... movie, Rich's fatherhood, my brother being a full time student, Logan starting 3rd grade, my Japanese getting better, and a TON more experiences in medicine coming up.

Horn's Up!

Jack-O on his Back-O

2005-02-04T10:57:00.000-06:00

I have to admit something embarrassing to my loyal readers and compulsory BE viewers… It’s something that a few of you may have suspected. I mean, it probably shows in the things I say, the movies I like, the nervous way I look at other guys at the gym, the clothes I wear, and most of all, the songs that are on my MP3 player…

I like Michael Jackson.

It’s true! And it is killing me that he has become such a sideshow.

For people my parent’s age, it is hard not to respect the Jackson 5. They were cute, represented every “school days” age, and most importantly, they were incredibly talented. Pair all of this with the impossible Horatio Alger story about a poor family from a cracker-box house in Gary, Indiana, and you have national treasures. Most amazing of all of the Jackson’s was Michael. Cute little Michael. The one with all the killer dance steps and powerful voice.

For people of my age, it is hard not to remember the “Off the Wall” and “Thriller” Michael Jackson as a sort of rock and roll god. We all learned the dance steps (to one level of proficiency or another). We about fainted when he moon walked on TV. We eagerly gobbled up the videos that ran incessantly on MTV. We owned the record and tapes, wore the pin-backs, and some of us even aspired to wear the glove… People were paying to see Jackson impersonators at this time, a fad that only Elvis had really ever created. And, of course, there was the video Thriller, which was totally awesome!

Then he went absolutely nuts. Each album, each stunt became more and more bizarre. The self-proclamations of badness and manhood seemed forced even back then. We were already laughing at his expense when his hair caught fire, what were we expected to do when he more-or-less masturbated on the hood of a car, while he smashed it to pieces?

Then there were the odd-ball cohorts, the llama, rumors of bankruptcy, the eccentric spending sprees, the Neverland Ranch, Bubbles, the Elephant Man’s skeleton, Captain E-O at Disneyworld, the Jehovah’s Witness stuff, the double-crossing of Paul McCartney, the whole Moonwalker fiasco, and the giant pseudo-Fascist marketing campaign involving a gigantic statue of Michael. His ego was growing and his sanity was fading at the same rate.

When he released “Just Leave Me Alone,” it was widely understood as a cry for help. But at that time, we thought it was a slight madness that came as a price for his incredible popularity. The man could go nowhere in the world without being mobbed. But it wasn’t long before all of the “little-boy” rumors began to spread.

There was a point where most people had written him off as a falling star, succumbing to his own quirks and dementia. We were just starting to get the full picture of what his childlike was like, and understanding what had made Michael who he is (good and bad). But he was changing in many ways, becoming cartoonish, weird, and as many comedians point out daily, white. The strange military-like shirts and face mask began to paint a picture of a reclusive has been struggling to stay out of the papers.

But then came the Oprah interview. I remember sitting at college and watching the interview she conducted on TV. There were a lot of us watching it, all interested in what was going to be said. We were waiting for him to do or say something outlandish, and he did. Overall, Oprah was respectful and painted a sympathetic picture of him; rekindling a small passion in some of us for Michael and his music. I started believing again that he truly is the King of Pop.

Not long after that things spiraled out of control. He was overcompensating in the media, trying hard to show he was both above criticism, and a normal heterosexual adult. There was an embarrassing video with Tyra Banks, sham marriages, charges of child molestation, an unpalatable duet with his sister, and some ugly words about Jews in his new songs (thought to be come-back material). And more allegations, some that were settled out of court, which fueled speculation only further.

By the time that he had accused Tony of being the literal devil, started building a conspiracy theory about why the press was out to stop him, hung his child over a railing, and the “Living with Michael Jackson” special blow up in his face, we had all grow weary of him. It was hard to even listen to his music without feeling uncomfortable, let alone be a fan.

And here we are in court again. His ranch raided by lawmen a few times, and a lot of fingers being pointed. The man is sick, and I say sick not as a judgment, but as a diagnosis. He needs help, and it may be too late. Even without the stink of child molestation, he is not an adjusted member of society. He has become forever associated with sleeping with children and being unnaturally fixated on Peter Pan.

The amazing thing about Michael he is never beyond comebacks. He has had a few in his day; the most recent one being his televised birthday spectacular. I must have watched that thing a dozen times on reruns and on videotape. I think I watched so fervently because deep down I wish that he would have never imploded. Deep down I wished I could go back to the time that I bought Rockwell’s single just because Michael sang on the chorus. Deep down, I still believed in Michael.

But I am afraid he is out of comebacks. As I said in my opening, it is killing me.

But it isn’t stopping me from totally rocking out to “Rock with You” and “Human Nature” when no one else is at home. And I’ll always have Prince…

Horn’s up.

Better Homes and Heresies

2005-02-01T07:15:00.000-06:00

For those of us who like to think we have at least one foot in the door when it comes to Christianity, we are haunted constantly by a few specters. These superstitions and paradoxes haunt us, and we have to choose whether or not to pay attention to them, or to suppress them in some manner. For non-Christians, these items serve as an interesting slice of anthropology from an already interesting people group (the religious).

One of these things I wonder about the most is what constitutes heresy. I mean, what sort of things can we think, say, read, repeat, and laugh at without offending God in some deep, meaningful way. You may be surprised that I care, but I do. If there is a personal God, than understanding heresy is key to staying in favor with Him, right?

Heresy is deeply tied to two other notions; using God’s name in vain and blasphemy. They are equally as hard to define to a satisfactory extent. I mean, is using God’s name in vain just saying “Jesus Christ!” in frustration or anger, or is it something more, like invoking his name for a worthless or frivolous cause. Or, is it as the early believers thought… that Yahweh doesn’t even want his name said at all (they went so far as to never say Jehovah or Yahweh out loud, and when it was written, they would remove letters, ala YHWH).

Blasphemy is also a scary idea to mess around with because we are taught in the New Testament that blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is the only unforgivable sin. Whatever blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is. Many say that it is the willful living in contempt of Christ and the Kingdom. But that isn’t explicitly spelled out anywhere.

The reason these specters haunt me is because I have a pretty liberal and edgy sense of humor. I also am not easily offended by many things. So I often wonder, is that a measure of how far I am from God, or is it a personality quirk? Should I wonder so much about being me if there is a God who made me “me” after all (a homosexual man could ask the same question)? Or is it a burden I have been given to try to overcome (again, a homosexual man…)? It’s all a lot to think about when I am supposed to be learning about what ions cross membranes in the renal system, and the difference between neoplasia and hyperplasia.

One of my favorite jokes of all time was a “bit” done by John Leguizamo on Conan O’Brien years ago. He was talking about an eccentric uncle he has. He said he was a triple threat; a Mexican, deaf, and gay. One of the things his uncle used to say was “I know things even God doesn’t know.” I thought this was hilarious because the notion of it was so absurd.

I mean, if you believed in God, there is no way you could be so brash to claim you know more than him. So you joke about it right? Its like me saying I could dunk on Shaq, or that I could knock-out Oscar De La Hoya, or I could out run, well, anyone! I mean, you know God is all knowing, and so you make an outlandish claim to make people realize that you are bragging. After all, bragging about believable exploits is lying. The problem is, I knew a couple people at my Bible college who were offended when he said this. We were all watching Conan and two of the guys got mad.

They said that what the comedian had said was heresy. I guess in some strict, medieval way it was, but in all practical, modern ways, it was a joke. I was not in the least offended by it, and to this day it remains one of my favorite comedy bits ever. Could God, if He is up there, find offense at someone saying this in jest?

Remember the furor over the Beatles and the whole “bigger than Jesus” comment being taken out of context? Because of this, towns in modern America demanded its Christian faithful to have anything with the Fab Four on it burnt. They held bonfires. And this was in the 60’s! Not the 20’s or 1800’s. Your mom was old enough to burn her Beatles shoes and 45’s because they offended the most high. Sort of a scary picture to paint of hair-trigger Christianity in America. But then again we are currently doing the same to Spongebob, but that is a topic for my brother to run with (see link to the right, under “Troy Ounce”).

Heresy to me is something much greater than outrageous claims, but it does seem hard to define. I was interested from that point on in what exactly heresy is. When Trent Reznor, media darling of the day and target for Christian fundamentalists released the song “Heresy” in the late 90’s, I thought for sure his atheistic, nihilistic self would have some insight into the definition…
“he sewed his eyes shut because he is afraid to seehe tries to tell me what I put inside of mehe’s got the answers to ease my curiosityhe dreamed a god up and called it ChristianityGod is dead and no one caresif there is a hell I'll see you there”

Okay, enough to elicit an eyebrow lift, but nothing heretical. All Trent managed to do was wrap up all of the frustration and age-old attacks against Christianity in one verse. The only heresy here is that he says that Christianity and its God were dreamed up… but as I have mentioned before, there isn’t empirical evidence that this is not so, and there never will be. So believers require faith, and if Trent and people who think like him do not experience this faith, then they/we will think the same thing. Besides, Trent even nods to the punishment Christians will no doubt assume he will get for his views.

(I actually used to think that Trent said “He’s got more answers than he has curiosity” and I thought that line alone summed up the major flaw in many religious folks, but I digress.)

So where does that leave me? I kept searching, in classic literature, in some of the literature of the saints, and some of the works of the skeptics and agnostics alike… and I kept building a base to build on, but never a definition of heresy and its cousins. However, I am here to blog to you today that I have a good example of heresy in action…

Watch Desperate Housewives. Okay, are you done laughing? I am not joking. Let me try it again. Desperate Housewives. In the context of Christianity and all that comes with it, that show is most definitely heretical. Why? Because every action, every character, and every motivation on that show is built on the premise of Godlessness.

I think that it is a very interesting slice of sociology to see how popular that show has become. It takes all of the worst aspects of a soap opera, and pairs them with better production values, sexier actresses, and a better time slot. People tune in to see the women of Wisteria Lane live as if there is no eternal implications for their actions on this world. Pretty heretical by Christian standards. They sleep with who they wish, try to kill people, lie, cheat, covet, and on and on and on. There isn’t even an attempt at drawing a moral from the show, or to introduce a conscious. It is pure guilty pleasure. I mean, the impossibly hot Eva Longorius (I bet I butchered that name!) is even sleeping with a high school kid on the show!

Not that I am the type to lead the charge against a TV show. Just don’t watch it if it bothers you. I personally haven’t the interest to watch it. And I am the last person to be offended by it. Matter of fact, I was more offended by Supernanny Monday night; a woman had no idea that her toddler had left the house as was darting in and out of the street in her neighborhood, and wandered about all alone while cars drove by. Her parenting was offensive to me! But I think Desperate Housewives serves to illustrate, if not define, heresy for me. Hedonism without the slightest nod to a God or moral code.

(And I don’t mean to bash Desperate Housewives here, because I really don’t care. It is the new kid on the block, the new national fad, so it will be a lightning rod of both good and bad press… no offense to the show or ABC. But seriously, it is trashy.)

We saw the same attitude in many things before it, and we’ll see it displayed in things after it. Studio 54 was a great example. In the 70’s it was the center for heresy because it was a place for people to anonymously indulge in absolutely any vice. In the 80’s, it was any number of things. Its anywhere where the “don’t judge me,” “what happens here stays here,” and “you only live once” ideals come into play. If there is a God, and he is the Christian God, then you have to believe that nothing offends Him more than people living like the “I Am” is not. So to me, questioning the validity of the Bible and its God is less heretical than, say, porn.

Now that I have a working definition of heresy, I may have to do some stock taking. How close to that line do I want to toe? Or do I care at all? Hard questions to answer, and what I decide to do with this definition will ultimately speak volumes about Carl.

I do know one thing: I still think that a deaf, gay, Mexican claiming to know more than God is funny.

Oh, and I also know that you were out-heresied by beautiful actresses, Trent. : ) Well, unless we compare Desperate Housewives to that snuff/horror film you made to tie your videos together… that was just sick.

Horns up!

PS – lest my blog seem like what I intended it to be, a site for essays, I will add a late personal touch here. I am happy that my friend Phuong is back home and safe after her trip. Welcome back, now get to work! I can’t imagine trying to pick up after a week off of classes… and I want to tell Cojo to quit being a fat lard and to eat some ham.

102.5 FM KARL was playing these while I blogged and spell checked:

1. Unchained – Van Halen
2. Thorn – Unida
3. Winter – Tori Amos
4. He feels bad – Helmet
5. Automatic Blues – The Cult
6. Bad Dream Mama – Eagles of Death Metal
7. New Tsar and Catapult – Burn Witch Burn
8. You’re Pretty Good Looking for a Girl – White Stripes
9. Christian Brothers – Elliot Smith
10. Slay – McLusky
11. Electioneering – Radiohead
12. Chainsaw - Ramones
13. Valentine and Garuda – Frank Black
14. Your Imagination – Hall and Oates
15. Feels So Good – Jamiroquai
16. Friends of P. – The Rentals
17. The New Face of Zero and One – The New Pornographers
18. Aeris’ Theme – Nobuo Uematsu
19. Perfect Day – Lou Reed
20. Bigmouth Strikes Again – The Smiths
21. Shake Your Rump – Beastie Boys
22. Rocker – AC/DC
23. Easy Skanking – Bob Marley
24. Last Dinosaur – The Pillows
25. Unravel – Bjork
26. Bananas and Blow – Ween
27. Trampled Under Foot – Led Zepplin
28. Freddie’s Dead – Curtis Mayfield

Don't blame me! I voted for Muhammed Mbalz Al'Hari!

2005-01-31T09:21:00.000-06:00

Well, the last post for the first year of operation. Yay! Can you believe a whole year has passed since I started blogging? Have you read every entry yet (it's not too late... but don't blame me for the regret you will feel for wasting so much time). In one year, we had almost 5000 visits, which is huge for my ego! :) Blog Explosion helped that out a lot, and so did word of mouth. Why people wanted to read the thoughts of a man who left the ministry, has an eating disorder, obsesses about evolutionary topics, is addicted to caffeine, hasn't grown up, wishes he was in Japan, and cares too much about video games and movies is beyond me.

Oh, and tell Brody it was I who was first to solve Jackie Chan's Action Kung Fu for the NES. He says he did it first, but he's a trashmouth.

For my last post in year one, I wanted to do something big, but I have way too much to do today. But I did want to comment a little bit on the Iraq elections. Who won? Was it a candidate that will help bring change? Is it a puppet of the USA or NATO? Will the winner live to see 2006? Are we going to pull out now that we have played kingmaker? Lots of questions, not a lot of answers yet. I am not one who thinks that democracy is the right system for everyone, but let's hope that it works in Iraq at least long enough to get reestablished as a nation. And, to be honest, I feel that unless the winner of the election was Shiite, then the process is tainted. The Shiites make up the majority of the citizens, yet the US is trying hard to inhibit them from taking power. It should not be up to us which group takes charge... we are instilling democracy, right? Or at least that is what we are being sold. I hope that we leave soon, and let Iraq find and make its own destiny. We can't do it for them.

*** editor's note... Is it Suni or Shiite? I forget? Guess I shouldn't blog when I don't have time to research my facts! : ) I just wanted to have my moment of talkin' without thinkin'! ***

As said in Lawrence of Arabia, "nothing is written until a man writes it."

BTW,

Here's to a great year two! Horns up!

2005-01-29T20:58:00.000-06:00

Hello all! Just thought I'd pass along a picture of my favorite snack this week... spicy dried cuttlefish (squid jerky) and Diet Coke! Yummmmmmy! The bad side is that it gives me squid breath, and it makes my sweet tooth even worse. But it is oh-so chewy and spicy and cuttlefishy... I love it! Horns up!

We Built This Blog On Rock And Roll

2005-01-25T07:33:00.000-06:00

Only on 102.5 FM can you hear Marilyn Manson’s “Godeatgod” fade into the glorious first notes of Def Leppard’s “Foolin’.” All rock, no talk. No annoying commercials, and no fluffy morning shows (unfortunately, there are no traffic reports, school closings, or give-aways either). Omaha / Council Bluffs / Blair / Treynor (basically anywhere where meth and Nascar are hot): prepare yourself for the hottest new station… 102.5, “The Carl!”

Thanks to the miracle of modern science, 102.5 FM KARL (“The Carl”) is on the air. My MP3 player (a 40 GB Nomad Zen Xtra) is an amazing toy to a caveman such as myself, but when it is paired with the Belkin TuneCast II (digital) FM Transmitter… well, we have ourselves a radio station. 102.5 FM, the official radio station of The Bubblegoose!

Some how two AAA batteries are enough to allow you to send the signal from any headphone jacked MP3 player to a vacant radio station in your area. In my case, I choose 102.5 FM (now lovingly known by all as Omaha’s own “The Carl”). The Belkin is a small capsule shaped device, the size of a chicken nugget… and me being a caveman, I am completely amazed by the whole process.

So what format is 102.5 FM KARL? Well, it is an open format (like all cool stations), which I will demonstrate below. More or less, if you like Motown, soul, classic rock, punk, modern rock, reggae, anime soundtracks, or metal you are in the right place.

What is the reception area? You probably can’t receive it. It doesn’t work in the ’93 Saturn (due to the Saturn’s omnibus of electrical problems), but can be heard on rare occasions all over the ’00 Intrepid. The best signal so far has been on weekends at Jennie Edmundson Memorial Hospital in the pharmacy, where it totally rocks for six hours (which is how long the AAA’s seem to hold out). At JEMH, the Belkin still broadcasts pretty well at distances of 10 feet from the receiver (a bombed-out bookshelf stereo).

The Nomad itself is an iPod killer. It is 40 GB for under $250 new. Outside of the small, impact resistant case that Creative provides free with the player, the Nomad is approximately the width and thickness of deck of playing cards… not as long as a checkbook, but longer than a baseball card. And it barely weighs anything.

I have 2800 songs currently loaded on the Nomad, and there are 27 GB left! I haven’t even used half of the storage capacity. I even use a high bit-rate, WMA file in favor of MP3. It is stupid how much it holds. The maddening thing is, once I load on the few remaining CDs that are still floating about my brother’s lair, I will still not break the 20 GB mark. It makes me wonder, will I ever fill this thing? One would go broke trying.

The follow up question would be, if one was to not load entire albums, but just worthwhile songs, could you still fill 40 GB? If so, then for $50 more, you can buy the same model, but with 60 GB. The iPod is currently maxed out at 40 GB, and that model costs about $400 or so. For $100 less dollars, you can have a perfect player with 60 GB space! As if anyone would need 60 GB! I can just imagine DJ’s at school dances, wedding receptions, and nightclubs whipping out a Nomad instead of crates of records and a bulky turntable coffin / CD player set up. Isn’t technology amazing? And 102.5 FM (“The Carl” in case you forgot) uses this space-age technology to bring you killer tunes.

Back to the format question. Here is what an actual fifty song commercial-free rock block sounds like emitting from 102.5 FM. (broadcast 11 PM 1/24/05). Look closely, there are some odd coincidences that arise via “random” mode…

1. The Gloaming - Radiohead
2. The Wizard – Black Sabbath
3. No Thugs in Our House – XTC
4. The Girl with the Strong Arm – The Dead Milkmen
5. Girl’s Just Want to Have Fun – Petty Booka
6. Look What You Done for Me – Al Green
7. N-Sub Ulysses – Nation of Ulysses
8. Go Mental – Ramones
9. Bananas and Blow – Ween
10. Over – Portishead
11. Redbone in the City – Bad Brains
12. Codeine – Donovan
13. The Biggest Lie – Elliot Smith
14. Rain on the Scarecrow – John Mellencamp
15. Caffeine – Faith No More
16. An Attempt to Tip the Scales – Bright Eyes
17. Fall on Me – REM
18. Mary – Tori Amos
19. Night By Night – Steely Dan
20. I am downright amazed at what I can destroy with just a hammer – Atom and His Package
21. Lovesong – The Cure
22. Suspension my Love – Scaterd Few
23. Step Up Ghettoblaster – Mindless Self Indugence
24. Sodium Light – Nero’s Rome
25. Face Value – Prong
26. God is in the Radio – Queens of the Stone Age
27. Wooden Jesus – Temple of the Dog
28. Moron – The Dead Milkmen
29. Dirty Mind – Prince
30. Storm in my House – Minutemen
31. I Want Something More – Bad Religion
32. Centre for Holy Wars – New Pornographers
33. Making Flippy Floppy – Talking Heads
34. Left Hand Luke and the Beggar Boys – T.Rex
35. King for a Day – Jamiroquai
36. Small Man, Big Mouth – Minor Threat
37. Bury Me With It – Modest Mouse
38. Stone Cold Crazy – Queen
39. Destroy Babylon – Bad Brains
40. Sweet and Tender Hooligan – The Smiths
41. The Hardest Button to Button – The White Stripes
42. Ride on Shooting Star – The Pillows
43. Jet Airliner – Steve Miller
44. Sweet Soul Sister – The Cult
45. Where Have All the Good Times Gone – David Bowie
46. Message in a Bottle – The Police
47. Hold Me Now – The Polyphonic Spree
48. Heroin (live) – Lou Reed
49. Maneater – Hall and Oates
50. Fundamentally Loathsome – Marilyn Manson

102.5 FM KARL, Omaha’s “The Carl”… Horns up!

Mao is bitter and angry about cranksters

2005-01-20T08:20:00.000-06:00

It is no secret that the “local” news is often the worst place to go for objective information. They are in the business of human interest. The pride themselves in the art of raising eyebrows and keeping interest to help people make it through commercial breaks. This is why all the commercials teasing the news, or the bumpers just before commercials, usually prey on your fear and/or curiosity. If you ever watch the news critically, I think that you will find yourself smiling, maybe even angry at how manipulative it all is.

A story here lately that received a lot of attention was the death of two college kids, who became lost during the last snow storm. They wandered away from their truck, and were found (eventually) dead from hypothermia. The news pulled every stop out to tug at the public’s heartstrings. While I hate to poke fun at anyone’s tragedy, I do want to point out that this story was not worth the coverage it received.

There were a lot of unanswered questions immediately, which made for a sexy story. Why were they in the middle of nowhere on a night that saw one of the worst winter storms we have had for a long time? Why did they get out of their truck? Why didn’t they have coats? When they found a shack/barn to hole-up in, why didn’t they stay there? Why did they make several calls to 911, but never take their advice and stay put? And ultimately, where were they (it took almost a week to recover both bodies)? Why did they find the boy first (why weren’t they together)?

The news was all over this one. There was a huge out-lash against the state of Nebraska because the 911 technology we have does not allow for immediate pin-point location ability from cell calls. There were those who blamed the state for the deaths. Then there was the big “pat ourselves on the back” story of all of the volunteers who mobilized to try to recover the bodies (at first it was a rescue mission, but became a recovery mission rather quickly). Fear came into play as the TV stations started calling in all sorts of experts to explain every last item you should have in your car to survive in such a situation; scaring the public into buying survival blankets, shovels for the car, and car candles. Lastly, the news really played up the “local-tragedy” aspect of the story… which incited candlelight vigils and prayer services.

Then, on the evening they finally found the girl, the truth (that many of us suspected) began to leak out. The couple had been stopped by police the night before under suspicion of driving under the influence. The phone calls to 911 were not entirely lucid and sober. The boy had chemicals not unlike cocaine and meth in his system. There were chemicals in the girl’s system as well. Oh, and a little fact that EVERY news broadcast forgot to mention even though it was known from the start, there was a bag of crank in the truck.

Here are two kids, high on drugs, who unfortunately were out in the middle of a rural county (presumably looking for a dealer) on an incredibly unsafe night. They avoided help from authorities via 911 because their judgments were skewed and they were afraid to be “caught” while stoned.

In my skeptical and callous opinion, the news wasted our time with this story by milking it for everything it was worth. In the end, it was an open and shut case. Two drug abusers, wandering in the cold, with no realistic sense of judgment, who ultimately froze to death. If they want to do groundbreaking journalism (which they don’t or they would have released all the facts at first and not covered up the drugs in the truck), they should do a piece of the proliferation of crank and meth in the area.

The news is always quick to point out when someone is busted cooking up meth. They always show these disheveled, toothless, scraggly people who look the part. But what they aren’t reporting is that the customers for this crap are not just the guy who changed your tires at Wal-Mart. For instance, this girl was a member of a Creighton University sorority. The news played her off as the sort of involved, educated, pretty, and motivated person you would expect to be found in an expensive Jesuit university’s sororities. I don’t know her, and I don’t want to cast dispersions on her, but it turns out that she wasn’t the greatest when it comes to making judgment calls.

The real tragedy is the needless and ignorant waste of life by someone's sister, friend, and daughter. For all the talk about America, and the land of oppurtunity, and about all the doors that are opened to you when you seek a college education... all of that doesn't mean anything when someone chooses to use their body as a chemistry set.

There are many educated, upper/middle-class abusers of this dirty drug. I personally know two bankers, a nurse or two, several mothers, and suspect a few people in even higher positions that use meth. It isn’t hard to find, and it isn’t that expensive. And believe it or not, it isn’t hard to point out a tweeker. I am not as anti-PC as some, but if it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck…

And speaking of that, I find it hard to believe that none of her sorority sisters had any idea she was into this sort of stuff. As I have said before, once the news of this incident broke, a lot of us Council Bluffs lifers immediately wondered if it had to do with meth. The girls in her sorority had to have had several occasions that may have raised the same question. As girly and as rah-rah as the greek societies are around here, someone had to have an idea. I bet if you dig just a little deeper, you will either find more users in her sorority, or at least a handful of girls that were willing to look the other way. Nice friends.

I don’t know what the answer is to the question of superficial, subjective, and theatrical news broadcasts, but as for this story, shame on them for trying to make these kids victims. All of the emergency blankets and computerized 911 satellite up-link towers in the world wouldn’t have saved them from the garbage they were willingly putting into their bodies.

As for drug use, I am at my wits end hearing about the idiots that get wrapped up in it. Iowa and Nebraska are full of people who are taxing the planet, the system, health care, and society in general by choosing to be nonparticipants, and by likewise choosing to live fast. And most of them do not die in tragic circumstances such as these two, but instead hang onto "life," in and out of programs, institutions, wasting the police department's time and money, and negatively influencing families and friends around them. And the onus is on those of us in the healthcare, ministry, and education systems to try to heal this wound on our country. Frustrating.

I guess what I am trying to say is that while death is always a tragedy; I have absolutely no use, and no sympathy for crack-heads and tweekers. You put that poison in your body yourself. Don’t use the news to make me feel guilty and sad for a week for people who were killing themselves and wasting life anyway. It's this girl's family that I feel sorry for.

Horns up.

Of all of the days that I have lived, only the ones that I spent with you seem real...

2005-01-19T08:05:00.000-06:00

Yummy. My pop addiction is getting really bad...

Walking it off

2005-01-18T08:16:00.000-06:00

Hello. Well, I said I would talk about evolution today, mostly because I need to get it out of my head and move on with my life. The problem is I no longer have the notes that I took from the last two weeks of sermons which ignited my anger, so it wouldn't be too fair to lash out too much. But I want to say a little bit. Come back tomorrow if this stuff is boring for you, I will try to be lighter.

There are just a few issues that anger me about the current seven (yes, seven) week sermon series my minister is involved in. He has set out to disprove evolution in seven weeks, and arm his flock with enough information to debate well about the topic, and to have enough understanding to sleep well at night. However, that is only how it is advertised. The presentation has been awful, subjective, and contradictory in many instances. I want to address a few fallacies that have been shared.

The sermon series is based loosely around the premise that if Darwinism is true, then there are 5 things that are inescapable. One is that there is no evidence for God. Another is that there is no ultimate basis for right and wrong. Another is that there is no free will. I forget the other two. But those three are the three that I wanted to address anyway.

But before I do, I want to say that the sermon series started off in a nasty way, as most anti-evolution debates do... with the demonization of Darwin. It is convenient to roll up an ideology (theories of evolution, by the way, are as vast and varied as Christianity is in interpretation and practice) in one persona, so that it is easier to palate. Darwin did NOT invent the notion of evolution, he was not looking for an alternative to God, and he did not think that his theory was the end-all answer to every biological question. Darwin was a minister in training, a religious man, who also happened to be a scientist.

The data that he collected, and that was amassed by his day were so overwhelming, that it begged to be explained by a unifying theory. He presented a mechanism for the gradual change of an organism, and it was presented as a possible vector for speciation. In his books, Darwin pointed out the shortcomings and troubling areas of his own theories. Ministers like to set up the idea that he wrote his book with a smug air, having claimed to have solved the riddle of life. The truth remains that Darwin wasn't even the only person to propose natural selection... it was co-"discovered" independently by a contemporary of his named Wallace, but thats a long story...

As for the implications for God, this troubled Darwin his entire life (mostly because the wife that he loved dearly was a zealous Christian, and his theory challenged the Church, which you can imagine caused some heart ache). Darwin was in a perpetual crisis of faith, and like others of us, struggled to make sense of it all and find peace between his mind and his heart.

Okay, on to the three points I wanted to hit.

1) No evidence for God. This is interesting to me, because it shows a sort of all-or-nothing approach to the science. What is being said is that if Darwin is right, then there is no way we can know God, and that there probably isn't a God anyway. The minister opened the second sermon with the question "Is natural selection an adequate explanation of the origin of life?" The answer is "no." But it is also no more adequate than Genesis. Origins are sticky topics, because we can only allege what happened. Furthermore, if God intended the seven days of creation to stand as testimony to His being, then he would have passed along a better, more detailed account of the purposes behind his design (as to continually affirm his majesty as we discovered more and more about the universe).

When the Bible speaks of fixing lights in the sky to help mark the passage of time, it is obvious that this an ancient mind trying to grasp why the sun is there at all. I am not saying that Genesis isn't true (at least here anyway), I'm just saying that if the account was written to prove God's existence, he would have told all of the facts about the sun. That the sun provides energy into our system so that we can overcome thermodynamics. That the sun allows our plants to provided themselves with "food" and give them energy to fix carbon and release oxygen. That the sun acts as a heater for the earth. All of these things. To say that God hung the sun to denote time's passage and provide light is the sort of thing that people of that day could come up with on their own. God's "proof" of existence is rarely based on physical evidence. He requires faith on several levels, and there are endless ways that we can "know" God.

So saying that organisms can actually develop into a "new" species does not limit evidence for God. Something had to put all of this matter here to begin with, so there is huge room for God in scientific thought. Darwin and the Big Bang are two separate theories, remember. What Darwin's theory did was explain the large amount of biological data that was present, and believe it or not, his theories (with some adjustments) have been upheld with subsequent discoveries. Does it explain origins? No. But does it negate proof of God? No.

2) No basis for right and wrong. This is sort of the eternal question (morality), but let me say one thing. Does God's existence define right and wrong? In some ways, yes. But in order for that morality to be set in stone, we have to agree on one God, and agree that which words of His are for real, and the we need to agree on interpretations of those words. Christianity has done a poor job establishing this unified moral system in the 2000 years it has been around. Some Christians see a permissive moral code, where others expect a strict interpretation. So the presence of God, without sending us stone tablets and plagues, at best only serves to make us desire to pursue morality (as to avoid falling out of favor with him). And in no way does Darwinism negate any of that. Just because environmental factors, mutations, weather patterns, and other selection events cause a species to limit variation in one direction or another, this does not mean that there is no right or wrong. Darwinism is about biology. You can't confuse it with so-called social Darwinism (which has nothing to do with Charles at all). So this being an "inescapable truth if Darwin was right" is laughable. This would be a result of there being no God, and Darwinism does not necessarily negate God.

3) The last one is my favorite. He claims that if Darwin is right, there is no free will. What?! If there is no God (which is what the minister means by "if Darwin is right"), then there is ultimate free will. The minister went on to contradict himself several times on this point, by stating that "if Darwin is right, then I could just do whatever I wanted, and that is attractive to my selfish nature." He went on to explain that the presence of God is intrusive to this free will, and used verses that hinted towards predeterminism of events and purposes. The presence of God actually raises more questions about free will than it answers. Nothing has summed up this problem better than Milton's "Paradise Lost," in which Satan ponders how he can be evil when he was created to rebel and fulfill the role of God's foil (its more eloquent and deep than that in the book). The only way I can bend this argument to make sense is in a pure theological manner... that the free will Christ gives is to live eternally or not (you choose your eternal destiny), and that Godlessness removes that choice because we all end up with the same final fate (death). But this is not the point he was making, and it is a bad point to make when it is worded as it was.

So, from these three points alone, I could tell that the series has not been prepared with the most objective thought. As a scientist, it offends me that the minister used so much anecdote, few "proofs" outside the Bible, and even contradicted himself off and on. For instance, he claimed in his bulletin notes that most scientists doubt Darwinism, and that they are mostly non-Christian. He never qualified how he came up with "most." In his sermon, he changed this to "a lot of scientists doubt... and some of them are not Christian." If you are going to preach on science, you have to use science, or at least some critical editing before you present your sermon.

And then there was the mini-commercials for teaching Intelligent Design in biology texts, and removing evolution from them. Ministers like to say that evolution has reigned in the scientific community and in text books, not realizing that a lot of teachers find themselves scared to present evolution in class, even if they are lucky enough to have a school board that will allow them to have text books with evolution in them. The best case against ID in biology books is the fact that it isn't science. I wouldn't mind biology books having a point-counterpoint chapter, explaining many possible theories of origins (because talking snakes and magic gardens are as believable and provable as RNA originating from clay deposits, and man coming from mold), but the fact remains that religious ideas, like Chirstianity's Genesis account, are not susceptible to scientific method, are not defendable with data, and are not given to being overturned. At best, ID's best proofs come from disproving other theories. Creationism is a sacred cow, which often requires "accept it all or nothing." This is why ID is left out of text books. Evolution is presented because there is data. Is it an immutable law of the universe? No. Few would contend that. But the data is there, and there are a lot of questions out there, but for now it seems to have held up pretty well.

I want to close by saying that my minister is one of the best preachers I have ever heard, and a great Christian minister. He is a pastor in the strictest sense of the word. But it angers me that this is all the better treatment that he could give this topic, and there are 4 more weeks of it. It speaks poorly of Christianity to see something handled so poorly, when an objective presentation would more than suffice for placing doubt in people's minds about evolution (it is not a bulletproof theory). This is why I was upset. Not that the church stood against evolution, but that they did a poor job doing it.

Back to fun stuff tomorrow.

Horns up!

Blogger's Roll Call: Jan 2005

2005-01-17T10:21:00.000-06:00

Currently reading - Why Elephants Have Big Ears, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Rurouni Kenshin vol. 10, Immortal Rain vol. 4

Currently listening to - Burn Witch Burn "At Work in the Factories of the Lord", Queen "Killer Queen", Gwen Stefani "What You Waiting For?", Mindless Self Indulgence "Thank God", Slayer "Raining Blood"

Currently watching - Samurai Champloo, Ikiru, Aragami, House of Flying Daggers

Currently playing - Scrabble, Chess, Final Fantasy 7, .Hack//Mutation

This is a picture of my evening snack. I usually have Japanese green tea (sencha), but last week I was fortunate to have sweet bean buns that were given to me by my friend Minh. The tea in the plastic container is Vietnamese, given to me by my friend Phuong. So I have been drinking it recently, and it is fantastic.

Tina, you fat lard! Get some ham!

2005-01-17T09:02:00.000-06:00

Wow. A rare weekend off of work for me. Not much went on, however. So I am at a weird place when it comes to blogging. I have a huge urge to blog about evolution, as my church is doing a seven week series of sermons on it, and they are doing a poor job presenting the arguments. But I may wait until I am at home and can look at the notes I took (I'll do this one tomorrow). Also, I want to blog about Willy Wonka some more, but I am afraid that this blog has taken a turn for the worse lately, being mostly concerned with superficial topics. So, being afraid to be too entertainment minded, and hesitant to comment off the cuff on philosophical matters, I am left to wonder what to write. So, like all struggling journalists (as if blogging was journalism...) and stand-up comedians (as if my blog is ever funny...), I will turn to current events. Namely, a fire at the zoo.

I guess a heater malfunctioned and set fire to a barn at the zoo. The animals that died were sandhill cranes and rare African deer called water bucks. The Omaha Zoo had the largest herd of these water bucks in North America, but not now. At least some of the deer that were saved by the fire fighters were pregnant, so there is hope to rebuild the herd again.

There are a few interesting aspects to the whole "fire at the zoo" topic, so I will use this as mental calisthenics to get back into the blogging mode. It will be lame, but I need to get back into the habit of writing before any good posts will come.

1) The notion of a zoo in the first place. As much as I love the zoo, and love to see all of the animals, is a zoo a good thing or bad thing? The animals are caged and taken from their habitats. I sort of waiver back and forth on this, but I usually conclude that they are okay. The people who work at the zoo are true animal lovers, and so that makes me feel a lot better. The animals get medical treatment, food, and protection from poachers. And the zoo keepers are very good about trying to make the environment enjoyable for the animals. The gorilla complex, for example, is designed with many timed released containers hidden in the trees and walls. These containers are filled with food, and the gorillas have to forage. This is done so that they feel more at home, and so they are using their natural skills. So, I guess zoos are good.

2) The notion of fire fighters saving animals. Fire fighting is a dangerous profession. The fire fighters can never plan for every danger that can arise in the situation. Luckily, no one was hurt fighting the zoo fire, but as all fire fighters will tell you, things can go sour very quickly on even a seemingly routine call. So this begs the question, would you risk your life and the lives of your friends (as fire fighters) for animals? It is easy to say yes, because so many of us are kind hearted, but I wonder what one would really do? When a human risks their own life to save another human, it makes the news and they are called heroes. This is because many humans probably would just stand and watch rather than risk death. So what then when it is an animal, not a human? This time of year, the news often shows deer, dogs, and horses that fall through ice, and in rare occasions people mobilize to save them. I think it is great that animals are treated with such high regard by rescuers, and I would like to think that I would do whatever I could in those situations.

3) How folks look at animals. I suppose your answer to number two would be dependent on how you look at animals. Do you see them as out evolutionary cousins? As our soulful co-inhabitants on Earth? As reincarnations? As dumb beasts? As resource created for our use? The phrase is often heard "it's just an animal." In the freezing winters in Iowa, there are those who leave their pet cats and dogs in the cold (left to die or suffer) because they view even their family pets as "just animals." A fire fighter may save the animals from a sense of duty (vocation) rather than the philosophical reasons, but I am pretty sure that how they view animals influences their decision making in such a situation.

4) Fire fighter vs. tiger. What if instead of deer, it was the tiger house? How in the world do they move these animals to safety? How do you save a beast that is fierce, powerful, confused, and scared? A local radio show told a story about an elderly lady who was sleeping (under the aid of a sleeping pill) whose neighbor's home started on fire. The fire spread to her home while she slept, and the fire fighters burst in to check to see if anyone was in danger. When they saw her, they made a plan to get her to safety. She woke up as they rushed towards her, and she was confused. She though that she was being burglarized. She kicked, hit, cursed, and bit the fire fighters. Imagine what a tiger would do!

5) Pregnant deer. As I mentioned, a few of the deer that were rescued were pregnant. In nature, incidents of extreme stress can cause an animal to spontaneously abort their young. Rabbits do this in times of famine or disease (presumably to conserve resources), and also when subjected to a lot of stress (say, a persistent predator). As humans, the word "abortion" conjures controversy and strong feelings. We use the term "miscarriage" to soften an abortion that was unintentional (or natural). But in nature, these things (abortions) happen. In animal populations, nature has provided a way to eliminate a stressor on the herd (birth of young at a bad time). In human populations, such a notion seems barbaric to many (the abortion of young to benefit a person/group). It is interesting to realize the ability of humans to moralize, and how separate we are from the animal kingdom. The cognitive abilities that make us human can also bring complexities and confusion.

Okay, well I'm done. I blogged, so I am back on track. Tomorrow I will be back in old school form, talking about evolution. Just to clarify in advance, I am not disappointed that my pastor is talking about evolution, and I am not even upset that he is drawing the conclusions that he is... I love the debate (both sides have small groups of nut-jobs with flawed arguments). But I am disappointed at the poor presentation, and the poor research that has been done. All too often people walk away from church and apply the minister's words as "gospel" (so to speak). The onus is on ministers then to give only good and accurate information; this includes having well-informed opinions. So more on that tomorrow. For most of you, it will be boring, but if you know me, you know that this quest for truth and fair assessment of data and faith is a big deal.

Horns up!

When you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way.

2005-01-13T07:25:00.000-06:00

I am going to try to make today a little lighter. I have been in such a weird mood lately, sort of depressed in spurts, so I am going to try to stay away from too much introspection, lest I bum other people out. Let's have fun today...

I was thinking about how little originality there is in entertainment anymore. A lot of the bands, movies, and TV shows we watch are either amalgams of past successes or direst carbon copies of something else. I wonder, why is that? Is it because we have run out of ideas (the "nothing new under the sun" theory), or are we just lazy?

Music seems to be a discussion for another day, as it has a whole different set of problems than the other entertainment media. The same goes for video gaming. Music is stale because pop music is a science now... before, it was the result of everyone throwing out their songs and seeing what sticks... then a greedy producer would latch on and ride the band/sound into the dirt. Now, with Billboard and Soundscan being able to see the tastes of buyers in real-time, we have a different scene. We see producers looking at data, and going out to either create or find a match for what the public's current tastes are (in sound, topic, style, and even look). Anyway, later discussions for music and games...

It's easy to point a snarky finger at reality TV, the fifty CSI spin offs, or the fact that 50% of the movies that come out of Hollywood are either remakes or sequels... but I want to talk about something that stretches back a little further than the 1990's.

Think about the plots of TV shows, cartoons, books, and movies that you have seen. Where did those plots come from? What did the director set out to show, and what story were the writers trying to get across? It is my contention that so much of the stuff we watch is done like so...

"I want to tell a Rocky-like story about a football team..."
"I want this to be a Psycho-like horror film..."
"I want to explore the heart of a dying man ala Ikiru..."
"I want to make a gritty mafia drama like the Godfather..."
"I want to place total strangers in the wild, like Survivor, but with this twist..."

Anyway, you get the point. The fact is, so much of what we "see" in entertainment is based on older classics. In some cases, it is not hidden. It is clear that some movies are adaptations (Wizard of Oz, Gone with the Wind) and that others are re-tellings (Apocalypse Now, Westside Story, Throne of Blood). Other movies are pure "hack." Look at the stream of Pulp Fiction-like movies that flooded home video stores in the 90's, or the huge number of Halloween knock-offs that litter cable TV even today.

TV shows, because of their disposable nature, are very bad about this. Sitcoms rehash the same tired plots, mostly stolen from the Honeymooners or I Love Lucy. I remember seeing an episode of Touched By An Angel that was a direct rip-off of the Sunshine Boys, and a CBS made-for-TV movie that was almost line for line stolen from Mr. Holland's Opus. Those two examples, for some reason, have always stood out in mind as a great demonstration of how lazy and unimaginative entertainment has become.

The funny thing to me is that there are a few stories that keep popping up over and over. Below is a list of the stories I see used over and over most often, and I would really like to hear comments from all of you of examples you have come across of reused, retooled, and recycled entertainment.

Romeo and Juliet
A Christmas Carol
Moby Dick
Frankenstein

Maybe in the future I will do a list of the most original movies/shows. Until then... Horns up!

Not anti-Bush, or anti-America... just anti-waste.

2005-01-12T09:43:00.000-06:00

I have had a busy week when it comes to mental issues… I am back to school, and my schedule is pretty compact this semester. I am already lost in my Physiology class. Also, I was able to attend church this Sunday, and the sermon had me very worked up. I am trying very hard not to blog about it, but let’s just say I was a little upset, not so much by the topic or the conclusion made, but by the poor presentation and research that was done. This is a huge pet peeve with me, and when it is coupled with a sermon relating to science, we have the perfect conditions for a Carl meltdown. Plus, I am a little taxed by the ice and snow that we are experiencing in Iowa... I hate the cold (that is no secret), but I also hate driving in this stuff. I am a poor driver as it is, and ice sort of throws a nasty variable in the mix. Just today I spun out coming down my hill, my car spun completely around. Luckily, no other cars were present, and I did not hit anything. By the time I get to school, the adreneline was wearing off, and I was feeling tired already. Whew.

There. Now the diary portion of my blog is done for the day. Let’s talk about what I want to talk about. I am very disappointed in something that is happening in Washington DC right now… namely, the spending of $40 million dollars for President Bush’s Inauguration.

It’s not that I feel like it is a waste of my tax dollars… that is a cliché and easy argument to make about anything. The truth is that a lot of the money for the celebration is being donated by special interest groups.

I’m not angry that special interest groups are donating the money. It is dirty politics, but it is the way that world seems to work. No matter how offensive the process is to my sense of humanistic government, I just can’t make myself feel outrage over it.

So what makes me angry? At a time when employment is low, soldiers are at war, California is flooded, and Thailand is devastated by the tsunami tragedy, it amazes me that there are $40 million dollars available to throw what amounts to a three day party for America’s elite.

Bush’s first inauguration also cost $40 million, and Clinton’s two added up to over $50 million. I don’t know how much you pay attention to financial states and true “value” on a global scale, but $130 million dollars translates to a lot of life changing power.

The waste of this money is just a reflection of a greater problem, beyond a Republican and Democrat thing, and maybe greater than just an American thing. It is a lack of stewardship with the resources that are available. It is a mis-valuation of services and positions. And it is a total lack of true compassion for those who are worse-off than the majority of us.

Just this week, to add frosting to my argument, the NY Mets agreed to pay a 20-something baseball player $119 million dollars for less than ten years of “work.” Meanwhile, there are many businesses that are laying off hundreds of employees due to a “bad economy.” I don’t think that a business has the right to succeed in America, but I feel very bad for those folks who labor very hard for poor pay who are suddenly without income. At the same time, the CEO’s of their company are embarrassingly wealthy and find the will to okay checks to the GOP to buy streamers, prime rib, and Champaign to celebrate Bush’s election.

The world is full of disparity between haves and have-nots, and it will always be this way. Christians maintain that Jesus was the embodiment of compassion and stewardship, yet even He stated that the poor “will be with you always.” But I find myself more aligned with the philosophical fabric that greater men, Gandhi and Kurosawa, were made of when then lamented the lack of human compassion, and the prevalence of greed over giving that is epidemic in the world’s inhabitants.

So, the solution? I have none to offer. I guess it is up to each of us to do the best “good” we can with what little each of us are blessed with, because we sure as hell can’t rely on those in the upper echelon to act similarly. Shame on those who waste millions on glad-handing and entertainment when every ten dollars can provide food and water for those ravaged by tragedy.

Horns up.

Rei Ayanami is my dream girl

2005-01-10T10:45:00.000-06:00

Here is another picture from my Japanese toy collection. The characters are the famous females from Evangelion; Rei (L) and Asuka (R). These particular statues represent them in slightly modified outfits than they wear in the anime/manga. However, they are ultra-kawaii. These finely detailed statues are popular and collectible in Japan. Some are commissioned by the copyright holders (in this case, GAINAX) to be designed by independent artisans... this is called Garage Kit. Some turn out very good, as these did, while others turn out very strange. It is not uncommon to find statues/figurines of popular characters in strange and unusual representations. One common representation is in sexy poses and costumes, sometimes themed like "romantic trip to beach," "bath time," or "sexy school uniform." But luckily, these statues are close enough to the real deal, and far from pornographic (otherwise I wouldn't have bought them).

Rei and Asuka are popular characters in toys and collectibles because of the huge worldwide popularity of Evangelion, because they are attractive/cute females, and because GAINAX is very aggressive, and open, with its licensing and product placement. There are even huge amounts of underground products featuring these characters. Of all the products, commissioned and otherwise, these statues are among the best I have seen. There are also a pair of dolls from the incredibly popular Pink St. line that I would like to get, as well as a series of small figures featuring these two (and two other women from the Evangelion world) features as brides, which I wouldn't mind getting for the odd novelty of it.

There are a few clever in-jokes on these statues... notice the animal clinging to Rei's leg. This is, in the series, an embryonic form of a powerful and dangerous being. Here, it is portrayed as Rei's pet. Both girls are given tails and animal ears, which is a common theme in Japanese art (when portraying cuteness). Also, Asuka is holding a creature on the end of a wrench. The creature looks like a monkey (monkey wrench, get it?) and the monkey is white and wearing an odd Noh-like mask. This is a reference to the Adam creature in the series (the next step in man's evolution). Also, I think the monkey theme for Asuka is funny because she is mischievous, where as Rei is solemn and cute (like a kitten). Anyway, enjoy the picture. Horn's up!

Carl’s Christmas Break Movie Marathon

2005-01-10T07:45:00.000-06:00

Here are a few short reviews of all of the movies I watched over Christmas break. I still have a little stack of DVD's that didn't get watched. So I guess I will have to find some time between studies... :) The worst thing is that most of the movies I want to watch are subtitled, and those are sort of hard to watch when you are supposed to be reading. Anyway, here are the reviews!

Napoleon Dynamite – Sweet. It is impossible to explain the movie, because it is devoid of a true plot. That isn’t to say that it is a bad movie. It is a great comedy about a true nerd; not a typical Hollywood nerd. It shows how so often a nerd is not a victim, but does nothing to help his own case. It shows how one’s family sort of has a damning effect on your social development, and that in the end, being a nerd isn’t all that bad. You can still find friends, happiness, and love. The movie is about how great it is to live unencumbered by society’s sense of normalcy. “Just listen to your heart Pedro, that’s what I do.” To tell you the truth, the movie is so unconventional that my first reaction was that I didn’t like it. But the more I talked about it with my brother and thought about it, I loved it (l-u-v).

Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door (Cowboy Bebop the Movie) – It sort of angers me that the majority of adults in American will miss out on a lot of beautiful and exciting Japanese movies, all because they are animated and not live action. These same adults will sit through Armageddon or Christmas with the Kranks, but find animation too childish. This movie is based on a series by the same name, in which a group of four bounty hunters try to solve crime in a not-too-distant future when mankind has sprawled further and faster than the arm of the law. You won’t need to know the characters to enjoy the movie, because the screenplay does a great job of characterization (but if you know them already, you’ll enjoy it very much). An ex-military man creates a new biochemical weapon that he intends on using on Halloween, all because similar chemicals were used on him in the military. The drugs he was exposed to leave him without true rest or a true sense of reality. The military uses his ex-girlfriend (who thought he was dead) as bait to draw him out, only to find that he is so bent on his revenge that nothing can trip him up. Only a x-factor, namely the misfit “Cowboys,” can find a way to ruin his plan. Sounds pretty cheesy, but the execution of this movie is amazing. You learn about the characters, care about them, and cheer for them. You cringe, laugh, hold your breath… all things you feel odd about doing in an animated movie. The plot is much better and much more deep that I described, and it is well worth a rental. As a matter of fact, while it may not be in the hallowed pantheon of anime movies (such as Akira, Ghost in the Shell, and Spirited Away), it would be a great introductory movie for someone who has never seen Japanese animation before. A lot of the quirks that turn Americans’ interest away from anime are absent in Cowboy Bebop (it is pretty “western” if you ask me). The colors, the music, and the writing are all top notch.

Elf – How great is this movie? It is truly funny, original, and has lots of heart. Buddy is the human foster child of Santa’s elves, and he soon goes on a journey to find his real father, and where he fits in the world. A fantastic movie, and a great one for all ages. Every time I see it I crack up at Will Ferrell.

Resident Evil – Absolutely awful on every level. I was morbidly curious to see what it was like, so I jumped at the chance to catch it for “free” on cable. I love zombies, and really think that the RE video games are very cool and well designed. I had many sleepless nights thanks to the original PSOne game. At one time, George Romero himself was tied to the movie project, but left in a huff. It is easy to see why now. The movie is unwatchable. It is cliché at every turn, needlessly gross and unrealistic, and the acting is terrible. It tries very hard to have some clever subtext as it borrows liberally from “Alice in Wonderland,” but to tell the truth, nothing in the movie ever makes sense. It is like the worst aspects of Aliens, Thirteen Ghosts (the whole movie in other words), and 28 Days Later all rolled into one rubbish heap. And they made a sequel? Amazing. Video games and superhero comic books need to stop being made into movies.

Anchorman – A massive guilty pleasure of mine. I absolutely love this movie. The humor is bizarre and crude, but everything is in the delivery. After watching all of the extra scenes, it is obvious that this movie could have easily been a disaster. The editing of this movie should win an award, because what is left is a quick paced, fun comedy that has a keen sense of its own value to society; it never tries to moralize or have heart. It just goes for laughs. It is fun to think that the egos that wrestle backstage at TV stations are even a fraction of the ridiculous display on this movie. The 70’s era was a great backdrop for this over-macho and faux-hip cast of characters. It’s not early Woody Allen, or even early Mel Brooks, but it is light-years ahead of your other comedy options these days… (Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle? Come on!)

Raising Helen – Man… not all of these movies were selected by me. Apparently when they call something a chick flick, they mean that it is a movie for people who will be emotionally manipulated by anything. This movie was stock love story / coming of age story / power of sisters / Lifetime movie of the week crap. The acting was awful, things were resolved way too fast, ala a TV sitcom, and characters never seemed real. I personally found the gentle, hip, Lutheran youth pastor/boyfriend character to be so needless and poorly written that it was almost funny. I like how he totally dropped out of character at moment’s notice. People will like this movie, but then again, people liked Beaches and Pretty Woman also. Compared to this, I don’t feel so bad for liking Dirty Dancing.

Ferris Buehler’s Day Off – I wanted to see if this was as good as I remembered. Yup. A classic. The perfect storm of the 1980’s, a cast that played every part with enough manic quirkiness to wow you, and a plot that was barely there. It is a coming of age picture that actually works because you are rooting against these people growing up. Every moment of this movie maximizes fun. A classic, far better than the Cussak/Brat Pack movies that we tend to think of as the 80’s defining comedies. Oh Yeah!

Old Boy – A Korean psychological thriller with the single best ending to any movie ever. For those of you who tend to only watch what is available on HBO or Showtime, you need to expand your horizons a bit. Suffering through subtitles becomes second nature in time. That being said, Old Boy is about a normal businessman who is kidnapped and imprisoned for 15 years. While captive, his captor takes blood from him, and items with his fingerprints, and murders his wife; pinning the murder on him. He then is unexplainably released and allowed privy to clues to who his captive was. He has to choose between truth and revenge, and his quest to reclaim his life is very gritty. It is like a twisted Moby Dick. I highly recommend seeing this movie. I was so entranced that I hardly noticed the subtitles at all. You can order a copy at www.redsundvd.com for under $20, and it will be fun to show your friends who are constantly telling you that you need to see “Spiderman 2” or “The Day After Tomorrow.” Its like a Korean version of Fight Club meets The Fugitive meets The Game. (Two of those are Fincher… weird).

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou – If you are new to Wes Anderson movies, you will probably enjoy this movie slightly less, but for the rest of us, this is a must see! It is absolutely brilliant. Bill Murray plays an aging aquatic filmmaker ala Jacques Cousteau. His glory days are fast fading away, and he is struggling to make sense of the life he is left with. His best friend is killed on location, his marriage is flying apart, and suddenly a man appears who may be his long lost son. Again, the Moby Dick theme is invoked, as he goes on one last adventure to get revenge on the Jaguar Shark that killed his friend, and make a new film that will help him once again grab the spotlight he once held. A great movie, with tons of dry humor and outrageous situations. I am not sure who is the best character in this movie… Murray as Zissou or Jeff Goldbloom as his rival in both love and labor. The movie has a great ensemble cast, as do all Anderson movies. It has Owen Wilson, Cate Blanchet, Angelica Huston, and others who I easily forget (it is a lot of movie to take in). Every shot is beautiful, and it is dripping with artistic touch. Not a single moment of this movie seems like old territory. I still like Royal Tennenbaums better, but this one is a creature all its own. I give this the highest possible recommendation.

Easy Rider – I will never understand why this movie is so loved. It has to be a generational thing. I have tried to sit through it probably as many as eight times now, and every time I get very bored. It just seems so stale now, but I am sure at the time it was revolutionary. Much like Midnight Cowboy… they are movies that broke ground, but the market was soon flooded with movies that tread the same waters.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory – I wanted to see this again for two reasons. I wanted to see how it shaped up compared to Elf as a movie that all ages can enjoy, and to see how well it has aged. I still loved this movie, although I have seen it hundreds of times (which is more than I can say for Wizard of Oz). There are moments that are too much to handle (the “Cheer Up Charlie” song for one), but in the end, this was another accidental masterpiece. For those of you who are unaware, Tim Burton has remade this film, and it will be out this summer. It will no doubt be a darker and more adult movie, but let’s face it… the story was already dark and aimed at adults. The original book was definitely a morality play, and Dahl (the author) is no stranger to twisted humor and subversive themes. Perfect for Burton, if he is at the top of his game. I haven’t liked a lot of his stuff, but he has a ton of potential. I still worship Pee Wee’s Big Adventure, Edward Scissorhands (not sure why I don’t own this one), Cabin Boy, and have a healthy respect for Nightmare Before Christmas. Other than these, I don’t know what to think of him (Planet of the Apes was tremendously disappointing for me, but at least he cut ties with Arnold, who was supposed to be in it). I haven’t seen Big Fish yet… but I digress. Willy Wonka is a classic, and I hope that the new version is as imaginative as odd as the original. It will be hard to see anyone but Gene Wilder as Wonka, but Johnny Depp looks pretty cool in the part. He sort of looks like Marilyn Manson in the promos, which adds a whole new level of creepiness to the whole story.

Dr Strangelove (or How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Bomb) – I will really have to stop myself from gushing here. I use the word love so much that I am out of verbs to describe my affections here. Stanley Kubrick will go down in history as the highest profile director to ever be overlooked in his lifetime; despite the accolades he and his films received, it isn’t until years later that they all show their true power (timelessness). In Hollywood, it is painfully obvious that one can’t just set out to make a great movie, let alone a perfect one. Very few directors have the guts to change genres in pursuit of perfection either. But Kubrick did. He tackled everything, and managed to make perfect movies; not just once, but several times. 2001 A Space Odyssey, The Shining, and Dr. Strangelove all stand as perfect in their fields. We can debate Full Metal Jacket, Spartacus, and Clockwork Orange later. But Strangelove will forever stand as one of the smartest comedies and political satires ever. A mad military man launches a nuclear attack on Russia, and no one knows the pass code to call back the planes. Washington is left to scramble to find a solution, but tensions are too high. Not to mention, that there is a fail safe device that is set to trigger massive retaliatory strikes if nuclear bombs are ever dropped on the Soviet Union. Despite all of this tense drama, it is above all a comedy. Peter Sellers plays three roles (almost played four), and each one is unforgettable. George C Scott warms up for his Patton role as a Hawk that has no trust for or desire to work with the Russians. Every line, every scene is pure perfection. Watching movies like this make it hard for me to watch 90% of what Hollywood puts out. And I would be remiss if I didn’t take the opportunity to mention for the millionth time that I am still upset over the whole A.I. deal. Stupid Spielberg.

M – That’s not a mistake; the title is just one letter. M stands for Morder, German for murderer. It is Fritz Lang’s 1931 crime masterpiece. The new Criterion edition makes it seem like a new movie. Every VHS copy I have ever seen is very grainy and dark, so dark that there are huge stretches of movie that you strain to see what is happening. For 1931, this movie must have seemed scandalous. It was Lang’s first sound picture, so you can understand how dated it should feel. But it doesn’t. Much like one of my top five movies, The Third Man, it shows the seedy underbelly of European crime. In M, a man is murdering children, and getting away with it. He also is taunting the police; he wants caught. But the police are bungling and ineffective. So the onus is on the local rogue’s gallery to stop this murderer. That’s right, the “hero” of this movie is the underworld crooks and thugs who are sick of the extra pressure that the public and police have put on their trade. This movie was probably as daring as Silence of the Lambs or Seven were in our time, but maybe even more so. The open criticism of authority, the confused roles of good and evil, and the somewhat taboo topic of violence towards children all make this movie a legend. Peter Lorre is just plain creepy in this movie. The new edition, other than the new sound and video quality being worth every penny of $30, comes with a second disk of supplemental material. It ranks up there with the recent issues of Citizen Kane, Casablanca, and Treasure of the Sierra Madre in terms of historical archive value. Anyway, the movie will make your heart race; just try hearing that murder’s tune whistled out of context of the movie and not start! Try not to have your heart sink as you see a child’s ball roll into view and stop cold, as the child’s balloon struggles in the power-lines above, finally to get free and float into the heavens… very powerful stuff. “But I’m not done yet!” Perhaps the most powerful aspect of this movie is the subplot about how the authorities have the public worked up into a fear-induced frenzy, and then are completely powerless to help. Instead they use the fear to establish a sort of totalitarian state, and lash out at straw men where ever they can. Sound familiar? At least Lang’s movie was filmed in Hitler’s Germany (1931), so you expect that sort of tone…

House of the Flying Daggers – I want to try and review this one without comparing it to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Hero (both 10 out of 10 stars in my book). HOTFD also stars Zhang Ziyi who is incredible talented, and gorgeous by the way (in the movie she is described as a “rare beauty” which couldn’t be said better). She plays the part of a blind geisha-like entertainer who is suspected of being involved with a feared group of revolutionaries. A government soldier is put on the job of outing her and her comrades. Instead he falls for her. The colors and sets used in this movie are incredible vibrant, and every motion has a sort of Zen poetry to it (what else would you expect). The scenes demonstrating Zhang’s dancing and singing seem sort of hard to handle, considering the roles she has played so far (it isn’t bad, just new territory for her. We have to remember that Jackie Chan even sings in some of his Hong Kong films), but her other acting is great. Unlike Musa The Warrior, she is allowed to cut lose a bit… but I wonder when she will stop playing tragic characters. The sort-of-mythical China that is portrayed in this movie is fantastic and cliché at the same time. However, the Chinese are fast becoming the masters of exciting, artistic, romantic folk stories, leaving Hollywood in the dust. The swordplay, which for some is the big draw, is as well choreographed and filmed as ever, but it is the love story and the costumes that make this film great. The only advice I would give the average American viewer is that “kung fu” and wushu (fantastic swordplay) movies are the Asian equivalent of setting a movie in the Old West, Civil War, or Camelot. You have to appreciate their folkways, and suspend disbelief a little. The biggest complaint that I hear is that the fighters too often have special powers, but in Chinese culture to master an art of any sort was to unify your soul with that art, therefore becoming spiritual and superhuman. This unification of the soul with art (even martial arts) are what make these characters bold and lovable. Even some of the cheesiest Shaw Bros. kung fu movies have moments of great heart. If you don’t enjoy the swordplay, then just turn off your brain during these moments, and let yourself get absorbed by the rest of the story. Don’t miss a beautiful movie just because of a few action scenes.

I tried to watch more movies, but just didn’t have time. I “wasted” some valuable movie time working (too much work…), playing Metal Gear on my Playstation and watching TV DVDs, like the 1st Season of Futurama, re-watching all of my Aqua Teen DVDs, and Home Movies. I also caught myself sticking in The Kids in the Hall, Ren and Stimpy, and Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes when I was sitting about. I’ll never get all of these disks watched! I bought a few new DVDs, and I have plenty stacked up already that need attention. I will report back again sometime, and I will gladly accept recommendations and rebuttals! I love to loan out these movies that I am in love with, so ask if one sounds cool to you. The only thing is that I am totally anal about wanting to get it back relatively soon…

Horn’s Up

The screen is us and we're TV.

2005-01-05T11:24:00.000-06:00

Yo! Another fantastic wintry Iowa day. It is 8 degrees F and snow is blowing everywhere. In an hour they expect it to start falling at a rate of an inch per hour. Yikes! I have to work today at 4 PM and I wonder if they won't just close the drug store early. The doctor's clinics in town are all closing early, so even if I do go to work, there won't be much to do.

As I sit here rocking out to Marilyn Manson (which would probably make him mad if he knew), I am still thinking about last night's "The Biggest Loser." That show pumps me up to exercise when I watch it, and then the next day her I am; fat and lazy, and craving every possible bad food that exists. I am really starting to hate myself for not being mature enough to stay committed to my health. I weigh 222 as of this morning, and that is gross. Better than my 230 of last summer, but worse than the 210 I was at in October.

The real stab to the heart came yesterday at the Pott. County DMV. I had to renew my driver's license, and when they asked my weight, I told them 215. I figured that was a realistic weight to put on, because I am bound to shed a few of this winter pounds soon. But, to my surprise, the license says 251 lbs. The girl transposed the numbers, and I did not want to wait in line to fix it. Then I got to thinking...

1) it didn't seem outlandish to the people checking my data that I was 251. :(
2) 251 isn't all that far away from where I am/was recently
3) The folks on Biggest Loser who are around my weight look way better than I do.

So, for the next 5 years, I have this plastic reminder of my eternal gross-ness. Oh well. I guess I can use it as motivation. The thing is, Biggest Loser, despite having a slight mean-spirited undertone when it started, has become a fantastic TV show. Of all of the so called "reality" TV, I think that this is perhaps the most real to me. These people struggle with the things real people do... the will to eat poorly, the laziness of avoiding exercise, the need for some loving support in changing their lives... Far more real to me than beautiful people stuck on an island. When I saw Maurice's audition tape, I almost cried. He was sitting in his car eating fast food on his way home from work... that is me! I do that from time to time... I will stop through Sonic or McDonalds and pull off and eat. That is such a sick behavior, and probably the result of some sort of coping mechanism... but the end result is I have lifestyle that is tearing me down, and it is a serious exercise of dedication and focus to be good for even one day, let alone a month, or year...

I always hesitate to make New Year's Resolutions, but I do want to grow up when it comes to my health. The scary thing is that I am relatively active, and that is bound to slow down... and then where will I be? I don;t want to be ripped, and I don;t think I will ever be my ideal weight, but I want to be 200 or below so badly. My first goal was to get under 100 kg, and when I met that I felt great.. but now I am fluctuating back and forth, I need to get far below it and stay there.

Anywho...

So far today I have tried to be as productive as you can be when locked indoors. I started sorting through last semester's crap and throwing out stuff that is no more use to me or future students I may meet. I also tackled the seemingly insurmountable job rearranging my bookshelves. So this little blog post served as a small break from the work. It's hard to believe my break is almost over, and I am so NOT relaxed and recharged. I am ready to get back to school though, and I miss seeing my classmates. I haven;t many friends in the class, but it is just nice to see friendly, familiar faces daily... and laugh and joke around with the ones I do hang out with.

Well, more later. Horns up!

Neato, Swell, Smashing, Killer, Keen, Sweet, Dope

2005-01-03T22:20:00.000-06:00

I’ll admit it; I have no idea what “crunk” (or “krunk”) means. I don’t know if I should care that someone is the King of Krunk or the Princess of Krunk. I don’t know if an album featuring the Lords of Krunk, or that provides me with Krunk Juice is a good thing or not. And I am not sure if I should know, being that I am 30 and tragically un-hip.

Slang is sort of a trap for those of us that are uncool. We know that slang is a sort of code language that allows you to move in and out of certain streams. It helps you gain a certain level of respect and familiarity with generations, social groups, and other fraternities. Slang, as a phenomenon, is an example of a meme; something abstract, made up of pure information that is passed on and evolves as it is distributed. Slang is ever changing, and for most of us, we can be caught behind the wave: the absence of slang knowledge does the exact opposite for your reputation what the usage of slang does.

The problem is this; when you hit a particular age, education level, social status… whatever milestone or waypoint you measure your life by, it is inevitable that you will be privy to certain buzz words and catchphrases. These make up the so-called “shop talk” that people sharing a point of interest can exchange at the expense of the boredom of others who are with them. But the popular slang is a little different; it doesn’t come from any real association (such as a vocation) as it does from an individual being exposed to the right things at the right times.

Take hip hop slang for instance; in the late 80’s and early 90’s, when rap was starting to hit mainstream, and we here in Iowa were getting our first real exposure to it, I was a huge fan. The lingo of the moment was B-Boy. You had to know what words like dissin’ and frontin’ and jammy and wack meant. It was during this time when the word stupid was used a lot, as were fresh and hype. But soon after these words became somewhat common knowledge (thanks to TV sitcoms and such), they were no longer cool. The slang had changed, and anyone using these terms seemed artificial and outdated, therefore behind the wave. (side note; this is a tool for hack writers… they often take a stuffy character, say a rich old white guy, and make him use recent but outdated slang to show his uncoolness) Soon, you needed to know what tight was, and phat, and now, krunk.

Nothing feels better than to be ahead of the slang wave; not necessarily using the most current slang in every sentence, but knowing what all the words mean and using them at choice. Forever fighting to research and learn what the newest slang is only shows your desperate pursuit of coolness, which is so uncool. : ) Maybe this quest for slang proficiency isn’t very bad after all; it beats being blissfully unaware of what is being communicated. Recently the words “skeet skeet skeet” have been used in a lot of songs. “Skeet” is sort of a code word for ejaculated fluids; the joke is that if white station managers and music executives knew what it meant, they’d never be able to play the songs uncensored. Instead, blissfully ignorant folks sing right along. Slang is a reward for moving within certain circles, participating in certain subcultures, and being at the right place at the right time.

You get the picture. Slang carbon dates the exchange of ideas between people in a society with a shared common language. It also serves as marker for where you stand in terms of fashion; are you “in” or not. Slang is yet another tool of mankind to develop in-group strategies.

Thanks for reading. You are all so Rufus for sticking with my blog. : ) Word.

Horns up!

2005-01-03T10:25:00.000-06:00

I need to ease back into the habit of blogging... just one week of break left. Here is a picture of some more of my nerdly treasures. From left to right, Shishio, Sanosuke, and Kenshin from my favorite manga Rurouni Kenshin. These are called "trading figures," and in Japan they come in small cardboard boxes (unassembled), and you don't know which character you are going to get. I had some doubles because of this, but luckily I was able to send some to my friend Yuki, so they were not wasted! :) The Kenshin figure in this picture was actually a gift from Yuki. Thanks! You may wonder why Sanosuke is all grey... in Japan they often have variant figures, or secret characters to increase the urge to buy more units. In this series, there are no hidden characters, but every model has a variant color, which is "unpainted." I have yet to get a painted Sanosuke; as a matter of fact, he is the only one I have got the unpainted figure of, and I have pulled 2 of them! :( Anyway, the collectible market in Japan is incredible... they produce high quality items at decent prices... and they design them in such a way to maximize your desire for the item, even though the items are without any real value at all. All of the time and money that we fans spend on aquiring this stuff is embarassing, because in the end, all you have is a box full of colored plastic that has no value other than to you. But, I do get great joy from my toys. I can't wait to send more photos to the blog, as well as get back to writing stuff with meaning... well, my brand of "meaning." :) Horns up!

You're all I need to get by.

2004-12-27T14:47:00.000-06:00

Hello! In case you doubted me when I said I am addicted to manga, here is a photo of my manga collection. Pretty nice little collection I have going... I think it was just over a year ago that my friend Yuki (from Singapore) sort of reignited my love for manga. Having sold/lost/gave away almost all elements of my pre-married life, I pretty much started from scratch.

Manga are basically Japanese comic books, only the image that the term "comic" conjures is pretty much worthless in regards to these. The stories and art are more often than not aimed at adults with tastes for sophisticated and deep stories. In Japan, manga are popular with all age groups, and you may see a business man reading one on the train. Piles of telephone-book sized manga magazines adorn rubbish heaps, as most manga are serialized, only later to be compiled in the volumes we here in the USA are used to.

I get pretty sad that I haven't anyone to talk to about manga. I have tried to get a couple friends into it, and they enjoyed the reads, but didn't get passionate about the hobby. I also get sad that I spend so much money on them! But I learned a valuable lesson from my friend Yuki (again, my friend Yuki!), and that is to wait until an entire series is out before you buy it. Or at least don't read it until it is complete! For a few of my favorite series, it is too late. Rurouni Kenshin, my favorite, is now being printed monthly (which is unusual for US publishers). This means I run into the store at the first of the month, and keep going until the new issue is out. The series is on volume 10 (of 28 I believe), so this is going to be a long ride. I greedily speed-read the volume, then go back and reread it... only to be at once thrilled by the fantastic plot and art, and disappointed that I have to wait a whole month to see wait happens next!

In the picture, which unfortunately is too small to do any justice to the grand scale of these stacks, are the books that make up my entire manga collection. Here are some highlights... from left to right...

Left: my favorite two series. Rurouni Kenshin (on vol. 10 of 28) and Pita Ten (on vol. 6 of 8). Ruroken is a historical fiction about good and evil samurai warriors trying to cope with the new world of Japan's Meiji Era. Pita Ten is a love story about a boy who is forcibly befriended by an angel, only to get mixed up in never ending mysteries and love stories.

2nd from Left: Some odds and ends. I tend to make dumb decisions and buy volume one of new series that look good, only to find out that I have desire to collect them. Sometimes I abandon a decent series (like Shaman King) because there are so many better ones out there begging for my dollars. I wish I knew more people who collected so I could trade these off... I hate selling on Ebay. The top half of the pile is made of three great series; Evangelion (yes, like the anime. I hate calling it by its US title "Neon Genesis Evangelion" because it was a mistranslation that was never fixed... sort of like Donkey Kong. It should be Neo-Genesis.), Fushigi Yugi, and Immortal Rain. Immortal Rain is known in Japan as Meteor Methusela. I think it is probably (along with Gunslinger Girl) the most underrated and overlooked manga series of all time. Fushigi Yugi is a classic, about a normal girl who gets whisked away into a fantastic version of ancient China, and is adored as a magical princess sent to save their world.

3rd from Left: The almighty Inuyasha. There are very few manga-ka (manga artists and writers) that have the sort of constant quality and staying power of Rumiko Takahashi. She, along with the studio CLAMP, and Yu Watase make up my favorite manga-ka, and they are all women! Also in this pile is Alice 19th, in my top 5 series of all time, the US version of Gunslinger Girl vol.1 (it is a year old, and no 2nd volume yet... Japan is on #4), and Ranma 1/2 (also by Takahashi-sensei).

Center: More odds and ends. Hack//Twilight is a great chibi version of the Hack universe, and it inspired the anime series. FLCL is a classic wacky comedy, also inspired a great anime series. Prince of Tennis is a sports manga, and while is is very good, it is in no way ground breaking or deep. Trigun is a great story, but the art is sort of convoluted sometimes... the anime is far better. Below that are all sorts of Gundam manga (Gundam, along with Robotech/Macross, sort of allowed my entry into Japanese pop-culture in the 80's. I do love giant robots).

3rd from Right: Dragonball. It is good, fun, and has great art. As a country, I think we have overdosed on Dragonball, but I keep the series for sentimental reasons. The books are nowhere are drawn out as the anime series. There are 42 volumes in all, I have 31 so far.

2nd from Right: Ah, CLAMP. An all-girl studio that crosses genres constantly, and has some of the best stories and art that exist. They can tend to lack in the character development of Takahashi-sensei, but they always tell concise and fantastic stories. Magic Knight Rayearth is like Harry Potter meets Lord of the Rings... but with girls. A great series that seems way bigger than the 6 volumes it takes to tell it. Cardcaptor Sakura was a brief hit at the same time Sailor Moon was big in the US, and it pains me to say it, but Sakura is far better than Sailor Moon. XXXHolic is one of their newest series, and it has nothing to do with what you usually think of when you see XXX. It is about a medium that grants wishes, but at the cost of some sort of sacrifice... and how people are so often unwilling to heed warnings, or deal with consequences of their actions. There are also two traditional fiction collections by CLAMP, one about Japanese fables, and one about a Korean folk hero. Both are beautiful in many ways. Big O is in this pile, which isn't CLAMP, but is a giant robot story that is told and drawn by the same team that brought us the first few episodes of Batman the Animated Series... a cartoon that was so mature and well done that the US wasn't quite sure what to do with it (the end of this story is, they dumbed it down so they could mass market it to kids, since adults in the US are still squeamish about watching cartoons). There is a second series, but they will never bring it to the US now, because the interest in Big O ended when Cartoon Network's Adult Swim took it off the air.

Right: All CLAMP. WISH in also in my top 5 series of all time. My friend Phuong liked this series too, which made me very happy. Another story involving angels and love. Tokyo Babylon is almost too old-school for me, but it is good... and the series sets up the next big title, X/1999... as story about the end of the world. X/1999 is still being published, and us fans are getting frustrated! Send us the end already! :) It is a sweeping and semi-contrived story about forces of good and evil that are battling for the souls of man at the time of the Apocalypse. It is probably a close kin to the Sandman series of comics that adults found themselves enjoying here in the US, but it is not their best work. Still, bad CLAMP is better than the best US superhero comic these days.

Front: Bottom row is my Oh! My Goddess! collection. Dark Horse is a company that sort of realized the value of manga early on, and brought it over here. Because it was so niche, it was very expensive. Dark Horse has never adjusted its prices or it formats, as other publishers have done. So I only have a few volumes... for example, DH charges $18 a volume for the US copies of Aa! Megami-sama (Oh My Goddess). Viz charges just $8 for Rurouni Kenshin. Neither include the Japanese full-color pages. Anyway, it is a great series, I highly recommend reading it at the store! :) Far right is my Ghost in the Shell book. I have a love/hate relationship with the works of Masumune Shirow, but I won't ramble about that. GITS is a great sci-story that really gets you thinking... somewhere between the movie and the manga is a perfect product (sort of the Blade Runner or 2001 of its medium, but misses on both counts by just a hair). The upper row is my prized Japanese vol. 1 of Evangelion, my Gunslinger Girl collection (I just ordered #4, I hope it comes soon... I have just started translating #2), and Ragnarok vol.1, sent to me as a gift by Yuki. I love the book, the art is so cool... also, the Singapore editions are either in English or Chinese, she sent me the English edition... so I was able to read it without translating! So cool! Ragnarok is about Norse legends (i.e. Loki), with a sort of modern twist. I compared vol. 1 to the vol. 1 in the store here in the US, and the translations are slightly different, but not enough to change the story at all. Someday I may finish this series... Thanks Yuki! :)

There you have it. A short (well, short for how much I want to go on and on about these) guided tour of my collection. Please email me if you want to get into manga, talk about it, or trade/buy/sell books. I don't mind swapping at all! My wish list includes CLAMP's four volume Clover series, the six volume Akira series, more Oh My Goddess, anything from the Ragnarok series, and Japanese curiosities and such.

Next time I get the camera out, I will show you my toy collection. Horns up!

Rudolph: In Japanese

2004-12-22T22:56:00.000-06:00

Makka na ohana no tonakai-san wa
Itsumo minna no waraimono
Demo sono toshi no kurisumasu no hi
Santa no ojisan wa iimashita
Kurai yomichi wa pika pika no
Omae no hana ga yaku ni tatsu no sa
Itsumo naiteta tonakai-san wa
Koyoi koso wa to yorokobimashita

Horns up!

Trigonometry is not defined as "the study of God"

2004-12-22T08:06:00.000-06:00

Whew! What a cold, winter day. It is zero degrees F outside. That translates to "Brrrr" in every other measuring system. With the cold shutting me indoors, I find myself content to read and play video games. But the lack of warmth seems to still make me a little grouchy, and maybe a little depressed. So imagine the sort of mind set I am in to start with as you read this entry...

... and remember that it doesn't take much to expose my frustration with the American church.

Here in the Omaha area, there is a math teacher (Papillion/LaVista school district) who is under fire for exposing his religious views in class. It appears that he stopped class on the most current incident, and did a soap-box lecture on Christianity. The school system had to suspend him, and every Christian militant for miles is feigning outrage over it. They have come on the local news and complained about the removal of God from schools (always quick to throw in their continued disgust of the removal of prayer in schools, which was decades ago). They have mobilized their children to wear supportive T-shirts of the teacher, and those who aren't are wearing shirts that predominantly feature the word "Jesus" or "I pray."

The Christians in this school district are very quick to feel persecuted. They moan and groan about how God is being chased into the dark corners of American society. What they fail to realize is this; that this is not an ACLU/school board attack on God, but an attack on ignorance. The disciplinary action against the teacher was because he did not use common sense as a professional; his class is not a forum for discussion of religion. There are teachers in sociology courses who have criticized for mentioning religion, so what made him think it was appropriate for a math course?

This is the exact sort of thing the ACLU and other groups want to prevent... you have a captive audience of impressionable minds, and you should not be able to ramble about just any little thing. What if he had given a lecture about condom use, or the best tasting beer, or how sex works? It would have been obvious that he was not acting in a professional behavior, because the content is beyond the scope of the course he teaches. I myself think this teacher is a moron for not recognizing that matters of faith are a hot topic in education, and that the least he could have done was realize that bringing it up would cause trouble.

As a Christian, I am asking the rest of you to think with your minds and not your hearts. This knee jerk reaction only solidifies every criticism of the church and confirms every perceived weakness in our ranks. We are not a body of people just waiting for something to rally around to fight for... we should be also socially responsible and act as professionals. When we are appointed to certain roles in society, we have to work within the framework and rules of that role. Just as being asked to babysit in no way allows you the right to allow a kid to watch a rated R movie (because it is what you would allow as a parent), being a teacher does not allow you to educate children about any topic you desire. Math is a lot of things, and while Einstein and Hawking both alluded to the fact that mathematical sciences can help us see "the mind of God," it has no relationship to religious issues such as morality, salvation, and ultimate fates.

As for the Christians who got worked up over this, shame on you. This is more than a guy being attacked because he wore a cross necklace. This is more than a teacher being asked to not include Christian songs in the Christmas musical. This is even more than a teacher being criticized for talking about creationism in science class (which still makes me feel icky). Those things all have a legitimate defensive debate. What this teacher did was turn of his brain, and let his heart take over. And most of us are wise enough to know that the heart is a bad pilot; it can lead you into some very bad territory. Christianity, if it to be accepted as truth, should be a merger of heart and mind. You should understand it, have a logical foundation for it, and feel it deep within you as a passion. All passion and no logic is like all faith and no works. It doesn't help anyone in the Kingdom.

In a country where people do not want science teachers to talk about evolution, but are quite happy for a math teacher to discuss religion, it is no wonder the Church has trouble making any real progress in changing the hearts and minds of Americans. We are seen as ignorant and superstitious. And the people coming out of the woodwork to complain about this case only affirm this perception. If you want your teachers to spout God-talk despite the course material, then you need to send your children to a Christian school, or keep them home and home school them (two options you will NEVER see me take). If you choose to send your children to public school, then you have to be prepared for the climate there; and this includes the "walking on eggshells" approach that school systems have about the topic of faith.

This means "don't expect your child to learn about sanctification and subtraction from the same man."

Horns up!

At Christmas: "If I am a Christian, I am the least of all..."

2004-12-19T23:04:00.000-06:00

Christmas; I am not a big fan. And since I am a little rusty at writing lucid blogs, I will go through the reasons why I don’t like Christmas in a list format. Call me Scrooge, Grinch, or wrong… whatever. Anyway, I made an attempt to explain why I am not big on Christmas.

1. Christians go nuts over Christmas, but the birth of Christ was nowhere close to as significant to Christianity as the martyrdom of Christ, which is celebrated on Easter. Jesus’ birth is a shallow reason for a holiday, especially since the holiday isn’t really about his birth (see #2). Easter should really get the focus that Christmas does.

2. Christmas is not about the birth of Christ. You’d never know it, by all of the whining and crying that we Christians do about the “reason of the season” and the commercialization of our holiday. Here is a short history lesson for you, just to put Christmas in perspective. When Constantine unified the world (more or less) under the banner of Christianity, he systematically eliminated all stink of other religions. There was a huge festival on Dec. 25 celebrating the birth of a deity called Sol Invictus, or the Invincible Sun. The festival was largely enjoyed as a secular celebration, so to retain popularity with the people, Constantine merely changed the name of the holiday, and artificially assigned the birth of Christ as the reason for it. The holiday is artificial, and basically secular in nature. Jesus’ birth is still a few months away. So when I hear Christians get very indignant about how the World is stealing the season, I get angry. And when I see the “Happy Birthday Jesus” parties that have come en vogue, I laugh to myself. Again, Easter is far more significant and historically based.

3. Good will to man. A great time of year, right? People bending over backwards to do good to others… well, if you are in the right group. In the three weeks before Christmas we have the Pope saying that (the push for) homosexual marriage is an attack on society and Charles Dobson calling for President Bush to be tougher on homosexuality. If you are gay, I guess “peace on Earth” doesn’t apply to you, even during Christmas. In WWI and II, Germans and American soldiers celebrated together, laying down arms to celebrate. In today’s world, there is no disintegration of barriers. No sameness.

4. The hassle. The obligation. The buying presents for people because they may buy you one. The going to six places so no one is offended. Getting up early, staying up late. The people who come out of the woodwork to stake a claim of spirituality (momentarily). The temporary interest in Jesus. The charitable posing and photo ops. Squeezing in a church service that does little to lift your knowledge or spirit, just because church is the place you should be on Christmas Eve. The competitive nature of home decorating. The gaudy lights and the inflatable snowmen. The malls, the long lines, the overspending, and the overeating. The holiday has become a monument to waste, gluttony, selfishness, and hypocrisy; which would be fine if someone would admit it. Instead most folks claim that it is everything BUT those things.

5. The gifts. Just once I wish that people in my family who feel the need to buy gifts for me would give out of appreciation and love, rather than obligation. My mother always demands a list so that she can get me something I like. I oblige her, but deep down it makes me mad that I am making a shopping list. My wife almost never gets me something that touches me in any way. As the 25th approaches, she starts asking me half-heartedly what I want. What I “want.” Sometimes, what I “need.” Never realizing that I really want her to try and get to know me, and select something that will surprise me and let me know she is paying attention to my life. Needless to say, I get shirts and sweaters. Or, on rare occasions, something that I did want, but has some sort of practical use for both of us (like my bookcases that are littered with her crap, or my digital camera that she uses more than I do). The spirit of giving during Christmas should be about appreciation. I give because I want to share with others that they are important to me. Not that they were a name on a list that I needed to tick off to feel polite.

6. Santa Claus getting a bum rap. This time of year I always hear some Christian getting all self-righteous and denouncing Santa. I know why it is a touchy subject, but they won’t admit to it. It is because Santa is too close to Jesus/God. The season, the miraculous powers, the loving nature, the separation of good and evil, and the blessed and magical helpers… They are identical in many aspects. What happens when our children hit their first cognitive years and start to figure out that Santa is an impossibility? Jesus surely won’t be far behind. The difference lies, Christians will say, that Jesus really IS real, and Santa is just for fun. But once that seed of doubt is placed, I think Christians worry about dealing with it. A fairy tale is a fairy tale, and if scientific method rules one jolly minion of December, where does that leave the other? It makes for some sticky discussions, and some wary minds. To me, this is no reason to hate Santa. A kid has such a small window of opportunity to be innocent, and to enjoy life. All too soon the world becomes a real and dark place. Let children be children. Santa is no less real than the holiday itself. If you present Christianity to your family in the proper, responsible way, and not as just-so stories, tall tales, and folk legends (as most people do), you will not need to explain how Yahweh differs from Saint Nicolas.

But it is not an all-hate relationship. I enjoy the small moments. I enjoy watching my niece (3 years old, the epitome of selfishness) open her presents. I enjoy making and eating cookies. I enjoy the small but meaningful gifts that are sent to me from friends overseas. And most of all, I enjoy the peace and tranquility of the world at midnight Dec. 24. Most stores are closed, people are with their families, the roads are bare, and for a small moment, you may get a glimpse of true peace. And in this peace, my heart turns to those elsewhere who are not so lucky, and I am reminded of the responsibility I have to be humanistic and caring, and to be a good steward of what my life is blessed with.

Merry Christmas. Horns up.